Inhale oxygen exhale sadness in this room around me.
Inhale you and I exhale this part of me.
This part of me that I just discovered.
Parts of me I didn't know about,
Parts that could feel happy not by chance
But because I have the real deal.
Laughter without pain, like a little child again.
I am dreaming, quietly asleep.
The pain will come back when I wake up,
and I will go back, back to feeling like my smile is an act
And everyone know its but
they know I'm too broken to fix it
So they act as all is well, that everything is sunshine.
But maybe really everyone just feels cold and insane.

He asked her, "are you living your dream?"
She said, "if I am it's a nightmare."

You'll find me in the garden
pulling up the roots
claiming my boots are the only thing in my life that's grounded
because 7 months ago when you were wasted
blowing smoke out your lungs
telling me you loved me, that that was enough
I should've started running because you hated cigarettes
and you've never been one to believe that love is enough
I thought I was enough
You thought I was tough but I'm as timid as my Sunday school heart
I thought you were a brilliant piece of artwork lover

Lover, I made you a time machine
out of paper mache and paper mached my heart
and handed it to you with my full regards
You're sick of the yardwork I wanna do
I'm sick of picking up your muddy boots but I'd still
shoot myself to the moon as long as you'd follow right behind me
Maybe we should just take up drinking so you can love me
full time instead of the part of time you actually do
and I knew you were a natural disaster the first time I laid my eyes on you
in the back of the bar
ripping me apart like a city
and leaving the crowd to pick up the pieces of my heart
I wish you still loved me when you were sober
because when you're wasted I can taste it
the fallacy in your throat
the lips that feel undone
and you
and how we used to be so right
and how now it's all so wrong

I went out around quarter till ten.  The fun was starting up. The concerts were starting and the music I felt.  Moving my hips to the upcoming popular song, I saw this girl I'll never forget.  She had roses and lilies in her hair.  How pretty she was, I was afraid to talk.  I tried to mention a few words as she walked by.  How wonderful she moved, and so gracefully like the setting sun.  A few hours pass I'm walking home.  I glance to the right and there she appeared! I crossed the rural road and actually to my surprise spoke.  How great the conversation was.  I felt the connection how the trees feel the wind that blows. Inviting me back to her house. A party was starting. Everything was fine until we arrived at her house. Following her around I did since I didn't know any other person there. To the bathroom I went, came out, and music was now playing.  I saw her, disgustingly with another dancer.  I sat on the couch, thought, and made up my mind to leave.  As I did, another girl approached me, as pretty as the first.  We left together, back to another concert. Late it was, but we were dancing in the moonlight.  Coffee she wanted so I went to find some.  I got two cups and walked back to find her.  Then I saw her, her lips were locked. I dropped both cups.  I went home.  Early in the morning or late at night, I'm not sure which one it was.  I sung Happy Birthday to myself and couldn't sleep.  Both of these girls were on my mind.  How cruelly they acted to me.  Using me, I couldn't understand what I did.  I'll send them a message I thought.  So, I went and grabbed the message from the drawer and back to the concert I walked.  Both of the girls were at the concert with the guys they were lip locked and dancing with.  Not even leaving a note, on the stage I went.  The girls saw me and started to wave.  As they did I pulled out my .45 and to my brain it went.

I told you to Lend me your lips
and I'll teach you what love is, I said
I'll let my eyes become your moon
if you'll lend me your collarbones
so I can use them to build a bridge
to the mountains inside my heartstrings

Love, I wrote you an anthem
for all the nights you made my knees sing
and I swore on every dying man's last breath
that I would never change the tune of that song
I was a fool for letting you love me
I knew I would break you in
You told me in life we can't always win
but I thought we were
Because winning was found in the mornings
when your skin looked like feathers under lamplight
and nights when your eyes glistened from that red wine
and I swore I would never let you drink it with anyone else

I told you I couldn't catch a break
and you told me life wasn't a baseball game
I don't have to catch anything
but oh did I ever want to catch you like a firefly
in my glass heart
The day you left I whispered that I would never stop writing you poems
you were always giving me inspiration
You still are

Yesterday I breathed a ghost out of my lungs
and I swore the cigarette smoke could fill up the sky
I thought maybe you'd see my signal fire
telling you it's time to come home
Telling you it's time to listen
time to listen for the last night
When you pressed your cheek against mine
and told me not to call
and I thought the words were poison dripping from your mouth
I was screaming but nothing was coming out
and I knew I couldn't live another day the same ever again

Because now that you're gone
my lipstick can't even stick right
and my sonnets are words numbed by hopelessness
and this poem is a poem I never wanted to write
You were right here standing over my shoulder
just a few weeks back
I have no idea where I lost track of the time
but it's gone
just like you

Too soon we find ourselves alone
Trapped in a being from the unknown
Shouting aloud at this unknown creature
How was I supposed to know it was my own feature
I asked around but nobody knew
The form that once had me probably flew
So I find myself sitting in fright
Of this
Ghastly
Ghoulish
Grotesque
Sight

The darkness fades the embers re-lit
keep on truckin or will you quit?
horizon is right above those hills
so don't reach for the alcohol or the pills
life's not for one hitter quitters
life's about love, the jump that kills
the feelin that shoots down your spine
Chills