down on the hard bed,
  smothered with tremendously large
  blankets
   it's getting warm.

the previous night's memories
  flood through my mind with
  no choice of a filter
    it's hard to think.

all the comments, the hateful comments,
  they're coming in one side and getting  
  trapped, not leaving the other
   the room is spinning.

the flashbacks are killing me,
mentally and physically
  i only wanted to sleep and never  
  wake up
   it didn't happen.
    *yet.

When I was being
abused by the one
I thought was my love,
you came into my life

And held my hand when
I needed it and offered
your shoulder when
my tears stopped by

But I didn't think of you
as anything but a friend,
until one day,
I opened my eyes and saw
the love that was
shining in your eyes

I realized you were the one
for me and I fell
passionately in love with you
and it was the happiest
I had ever been

Until you proposed and now
I can't even put into words
the joy I feel when you smile
or how thankful I am
for you coming into my life.

they were forceful,
tiring and painstaking.

they destroyed every
atom of me,
to the weakest and
most strongest days,
they were there.

they were my companion,
the one who i shared everything with.

they were tiny voices
that repeated the same
words and phrases,
drowning myself.

they weren't human,
they were **me

they tried to take me,
with much force and hurt.

almost all of me,
wasn't how it used to be.

so ashamed and imprisoned,
inside of my cold, worthless body.

though i reached deep down,
to find the last remaining ounce of
hope that i never knew exsisted.

from here on out,
i know that at my roughest,
most tiring days,
they'll always be a little
ray of sunshine peeking out for me.

i dont know what
to do anymore.

i cant keep up
with everything;
im lost.

i guess i just
have to admit
that im done.

the sky is wounded;
i can watch it
cry angels for
hours and not
catch a **** one.