That’s it.
I’m done with metaphors.
I’m done with comparisons.
I’m done with poetic lyrics.
(Though, they will probably slip in anyway.)
But no more nonsense.
Just me,
Bare emotions.

I can go on all day about wanting to forget,
Wishing it all to go away,
Believing that I mean nothing,
Supposing that you don’t care,
Distracting myself,
And talking as if none of it matters.
The truth is I don’t buy into any of that garbage.
It’s only the material that forms the mask I put on every morning.
My sword and my shield.

I put down my guard and remove the mask
Only when I am alone.
This is when I am safe.
…But am I?
Is a hiding heart truly protected?
Exposed, I would tell you that
Loving you is the greatest, most rewarding thing
Life has ever brought me.
This is the truth,
This has always been the truth,
And this will continue as truth.

You are not the ones before you.
This love is not desperate,
This love is not juvenile,
This love is not hollow,
And this love is not love of the idea.
This love is pure,
Fine,
And not halting.
This love is –
Well… love –
As is should be.

I don’t need you to save me.
He already did that by bringing me to you.
You see, I lost myself long ago –
You know this –
And when I lost myself,
You found me,
But I never found myself.
At last I have.
At last there is independence in me
I have never known before,
Free from the bond of love the noun.
Realization of love the verb.

And I do.

No, I do not need you to resurrect me.
I'm stronger than you know.
I am not broken,
I am not needy,
I am not desperate. –
I am a better person for this,
And I now know my wish comes from the right roots within.
My desires have not changed.
My love has not faltered;
It has grown.

No, I do not need to be rescued.
I just want you next to me,
Here by me,
Close to me.
Literally and emotionally.

Thirty letters unsent.
Phones endlessly undialed.
Thousands of words unspoken.
Eyes wandering,
Glances stolen.
One secret.
Continual questions.
Does she still care?
Does he?
Both still in love?
Both okay.
Both not.
Both guises.
Both sets of walls.
Both sets of fears,
Fears of the unknown,
Fears of failure,
Threats of the future,
Pressures of the past.
Too many expectations?
Both too frightened to say.
Both too stubborn to part their lips and merely speak.
Tenacious in the worst way possible.
Thirty letters unread.
And will they ever be?
Break the chain,
Remove the mask,
Shatter the wall;
The answer may lie on the other side of love.

As I walk, I tread the sand beneath my feet,
I search the ground for shells of beauty,
And the soft sunset guides my soul
Like a single light in the darkness,
A dove spreading its wings
To the music of the water.
In this moment I feel alive,
And I’m getting ready to jump,
To dive in, to reach beyond my body
And fly the depths of the earth,
Independently.
And in this moment, I know I can,
But I realize I don’t want to.
If I need to soar above the ocean,
I’m quite capable,
But it doesn’t matter to me ultimately.
What good are these wings?
What good is total freedom
When you’re flying from your deepest cares?

Pour me one.
I need to unwind.
Let loose,
Let go,
Break out of my mind.

Pour me another.
I want to forget
Your taste,
Your touch,
Desire’s one threat.

Pour it again.
I’m nearly carefree.
No fears.
Just laughter,
And fall to my knees.

Hours pass.
My room is spinning.
The heart of glass
At last is grinning.

Without a worry,
Devoid of care,
I tear out the heart
Beating to bare.

It throbs in my hand,
The reflection I see,
The same forlorn fool
Staring at me.

Darkness descends,
Shadows of unrest,
An all-too-brief slumber,
A drum in my chest.

And right where we parted
We unite once more,
Concerns that I left
Now piercing my core.

The intoxication
Of a hard imbibition
Can cause me to lose every inhibition.

But deep down,
Not once,
Can it ever forget
That I’m already intoxicated –
Constantly,
Completely,
And consciously –
By the immense love
I still have for you.



Sober again.

I lied when I said it.
A perfect façade of satisfaction.
The shelter: built.
A citadel, blocking it out,
Or, rather, a cage blocking it in.
It will not escape me,
Not yet, that is.
The truth.
Truth is I’m not.
Truth is nothing’s wrong,
But truth is nothing’s right.
Truth is no distraction survives long enough to make me forget.
(Though, that doesn’t halt my attempt.)
Truth is I’ve secluded a piece of me for no one to see,
Not even you.
Not yet, that is.
Truth is I can’t quite tell the truth,
For this requires me to tell myself.
Truth is I believe I still have strength to gain.
And truth is…
Maybe someday I’ll tell.
Not yet, that is.
Truth is I lied.
I lied when I told you
Everything’s okay.

The mirror displays only the imperfections,
The aspects, the qualities I long to change.
The struggle never left me.
I used to think I conquered,
But deep down… I knew.
And it now haunts me the same way it did years ago.
A tear falls to the floor.
The sounds of disapproving mutters echo down the hallway.
This distorted image won’t change
Regardless of what truth tells me.
Nothing you do will alter the fact,
Because I think nothing of it,
Treat it as normalcy.
This is my reality,
My life,
My struggle,
My insecurity.
A battle with the mirror,
The countless flaws it reveals,
A never-ending war,
And neither of us wins,
But neither of us forfeits.
Why do I let this happen?
I must be perfect.
I will not settle for anything less.
But my worst enemy is not the mirror.
It is myself.

We are
A nonentity,
An almost,
A could-have-been,

A wish,
A dream,
A hope,
A longing.

I live.
I die.
I conquer.
I stumble.

You play.
You speak.
You neglect.
You enjoy.

A breath.
A whisper.
A shout.
A secret.

A game
That will someday end in despair.
A desire
That it will not be too late.

A dare.
Go ahead,
Be a guy, my dear.
‘Cause I’m told no longer
Are you a man.