i like to think of my eyes as broken cameras that can't focus properly on their own
i love my glasses honestly
i love to take them off when i'm in the passengers seat of a car at night because the city's fuzzy lights look so pretty
you don't get that with 20/20 vision

Why can't life stop?
Why won't it leave me alone?
I guess everything I do, I can't trust myself.
My actions have no meaning,
My word empty,
And when I can't tell up from down
Life throws another curveball.
I'm getting bad again,
From guessing myself
Maybe I should stop
But I can't,
and that's when I'm most vulnerable,
And my monsters come out to play.

I stare.
A picture.
Taken long along before me.
In your youth.
So young.
Happy.
How Grandpa?
You are old.
You have no more hair.
Wrinkles in the skin.
I understand.
You are kind.
Those blue eyes, so gentle.
So patient and loving.
I look at you now,
A torn knee,
Grown kids and teenage grandchildren.
And I wonder,
how much I'll miss them,
Those blue eyes.
Like robins eggs, now dotted white
They used to be so clear and blue.
I see why she fell for you.
So handsome,
My grandpa.
I am not ready,
For when you leave this world.
I want you to meet them,
my future children.
Share with them the joy and love,
You gave me.
Bye Baby Blue,
Your time was up.
I was never prepared.
But yet,
I was.
I look at eyelids.
you laying on mahogany wood.
I hear pastor say a prayer,
about the homestead.
And I see a blue robin.
I think about it's eggs in the nest.
I hear chirps.
The sun shines.
It's you.
And you love me.
Goodbye Baby Blues.
I love you.

I've never been so happy.
I could write and write
about you all day long.
Some may disagree though,
"Rachel, why are you acting
so sad and so terrible?
You've been so happy lately?"
I'm sorry I lashed out once and
I decided I hated the words you
said to me the other day.
I am so, so sorry that for once
I disagreed with your words
and everything you stand for.
I am so sorry that I have a
mind of my own for once.
All I've ever known was
silence and of being owned
by you wretched people.
But, now I am free.

So free to live and to do
and to love who my heart
chooses.

My heart chose her--
if I could scream it to the world,
I honestly would.
Love deserves to be known
and to be shouted
and to be whispered in
the wind.
Love deserves the attention
I'd give you,
and the songs I'll sing,
and kisses I'll touch you with.
You, my darling, deserve more than
the sadness that life brings you.
My beautiful old soul,
you are bright and such a gorgeous
and beautiful and intelligent girl,
how could I ever let you go?

No amount of poetry
or music
or even kisses
will ever be enough to
show you that you
are my love.

frankly, i find it so stupid that everything depends on 'likes.' yes, i understand that it is teenage female nature to get upset when your Instagram post does not reach more than 20 'likes', but there is so much more to life than this. also, i see that this website, this very one, also depends on likes. i honestly could care less if i got 0 likes on each post. i don't do this to please people, i write to please myself. i write for me, i write to make me happy. and my happiness actually matters. i just feel like i needed to say this.


m.g.

slowly
she fades
into oblivion
her style changes
she no longer wears
bright colors
and tanktops
now its just
long sleeves
dark colors
anything to hide the hurt
on her wrists
her smile is fading too
her eyes
have lost that
gleeful smile,
yet know one
has noticed.


m.g.