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Kacie Michel Feb 2014
is it really worth to be alive for another year?
birthdays are always disappointment.
i don't feel like i should
celebrate me living.
and i hate
the fact that everyone else
is so happy about it.
can no one see that i don't want to
celebrate my birth?
i regret even coming here in the first place.
i want to lay on the ground and wait
for the rain to take me away.
i'm done.
happy birthday to me.
i just have to wonder

is it really even happy?

Kacie Michel Dec 2013
oh annalee
why didn't you tell them about
the crying
and the cutting?

how could they have seen the tears
behind that perfect mask for
a face?

sweet annalee,
how would they have known
that you felt numb
and empty?

you didn't tell a single soul
about how you wished you were dead.
you didn't tell them with that
sweet voice of yours.

dear annalee,
why must've you told them only
with pen and paper?
why were you trying to fly
so soon?

please annalee,
they're desperate to know
what made you feel that way.
they were ready to help you
but you pushed them away.

why did you have to visit
heaven so early?

Kacie Michel Dec 2013
i remember when i last saw you.
you said you were going to stay
in a palace above the clouds,
and tied a rope around your neck.

i haven't seen you in awhile.
i guess you like it up there.

Kacie Michel Dec 2013
don't block it out,
dont cut so it stops,
don't drink yourself numb.
just sit and let it all rip you apart.
and then get up and keep breathing.
one breath at a time.
wake up,
and be shredded.
cry for a while.
then stop crying and go about your day.
you're not okay, but you're alive,
and you will be

Kacie Michel Dec 2013
love is an ugly flame.
it burns your insides and you feel so hot
and excited.
it shows on your face when you blush.
i remember when you gave me such a flame,
but after all your mistakes and hurtful remarks,
you surely blew it out.
i am just an ember towards you
for you ruined me.
you cannot relight an unexisting candle
so please don't even try.

please don't try.

Kacie Michel Dec 2013
show yourself to me
so i know you're real
and not some myth
that i created.

Kacie Michel Dec 2013
i suppose i am happy.
like when i am out with my friends,
throwing my head back and covering my mouth
as i shake with laughter
at a joke someone just made.

but the days turn into nights
and my grin will turn into unexplainable sadness
worn on my face like a tattoo.
then i lay in bed
thinking about all of my past mistakes
that i am too afraid to admit.

it's nights like this when i realize
i am many things
i am happy and sad
jealous and proud
excited and anxious
and i am still wondering how that could be.

Kacie Michel Apr 2014
why do i miss you so much?
my heart is breaking
it's actually to the point
where i don't think it can break anymore.

there's a rope in the back of my car.
i'm going to use it
it's going to give me wings so
i can see you again.
i'm really sorry.
but i guess
i can just tell you in person.

Kacie Michel Dec 2014
sadness envelopes me.
sometimes i'm just sitting
and all of the sudden i feel
complete emptiness.
i don't feel anything
except the space between you and i.
and *i miss you
Kacie Michel Dec 2013
i guess it's ok with me that i don't have friends.

my legs turn into jello.
my heart beats faster.
and my awkwardness could probably be felt
by Obama when he's taking a nap.

i swear
if i was a turtle,
i would own that **** and be antisocial
cause i'd have this awesome shell.

i don't know. i guess i can just write poems all day
and wait for that one special person
that finds interest
in my incredibly boring life.

but until then,
i'm just waiting.

Kacie Michel Dec 2013
i laid in a field
behind the red barn,
across the broken lake
i waited for the sun to disappear
and for the stars to show their
beautiful faces
and sing their wonderful songs.
i waited for the night creatures
to hear the beauty of love
and sadness.
i saw a shooting star
and i made a wish
for the good lord to come clean me of all
the hate in the world.
he said well i guess thats ok
and sent me a thousand shooting stars to the sky,
a pinch of glitter on my shoulder.
fireflies came out and danced
across my naked skin
then kissed my nose and ears
and whispered that
everything was going to be okay.

Kacie Michel Dec 2013
in my opinion,
the best thing you can do is
find a person
who loves you for exactly who you are.
good mood,
or bad mood...
or pretty...
handsome, what have you.
the right person is still going to think
that the sun shines out of your ***.
that's the kind of person
that's worth sticking with.

Kacie Michel Dec 2013
there is a boy who catches my bus
who has bluey-grey eyes as clear
as the lake
the kids go swimming in.

he sits with his friends
and laughs a lot at little
and when his friends are silent,
he looks out the window.

i sit two seats behind him
and i think he is beautiful.

there is a boy who catches my bus
who acts happy every morning
at seven a.m.

he sits with his friends
and gives them empty smiles
and wears long sleeves
in the middle of summer.

i sit two seats behind him
and i think he is beautiful.

there is a boy who catches my bus
who has bluey-grey eyes as empty
as the
lake the kids go swimming in,
in the winter.

he sits with his friends
and stares at his lap
and when his friends say something funny,
he doesn't laugh anymore.

i sit two seats behind him
and i think he's beautiful

there was a boy who caught my bus
who was found by his parents
after he shot himself.

he wrote a letter to his friends
and told them  that he loved them.
he wrote a letter to his parents
saying sorry.

and he wrote a letter to the sad
who sat two seats behind him on
the bus,
who told her that she was

Kacie Michel Dec 2013
“I’m just bored,” she said,
but in reality she was just numb,
she didn’t want to feel;
she lay expressionless,
her hair spilling everywhere.

Her headphones tangled and twisted
to match her thoughts
her mind racing
people called her lazy
a waste of space.

Her books no longer thrilled her
“I read it already”
her music lost meaning
“It gives me a headache”
her sketches greyed
“I ran out of space."

She was bored
not hungry

Hardly anyone noticed her shadow disappearing.

Kacie Michel Dec 2013
depression does not always mean
beautiful girls shattering at the wrists.
a glorified, heroic battle for your
or mothers that never got the chance
to say goodbye.

sometimes depression means
not getting out of bed
for three days
because your feet
refuse to move, in fear
that they will shatter on impact
to the floor.

sometimes depression means
summoning the willpower
to go downstairs
and check the mail
and that will be the most impressive thing you've done
that whole week.

sometimes depression  means
staring at the ceiling for hours
lying on the floor
because you cannot convince your body
that it is capable of movement.

sometimes depression means
that every single bone in your body
but you keep trying to move
yet you can't.

sometimes depression means
ignoring every message, text or call
for an entire month
because yes,
they have the right number
but you're not the person they're looking for,
not anymore.

Kacie Michel Dec 2013
why would you just drop everything
and throw me to the flames
and crushed a my heart under your shoe.
i screamed out in pain
and you just turned around
and walked the opposite way.
you were my last hope for a new life
and you threw it back at my face.
i just wanted you to **** my mind
and make me feel nothing.
i bet you were always
searching for
something to make you numb.
sorry that i wasnt your
and you werent addicted
to this one-sided love.
i guess i'm just sorry.
sorry that you felt you had to lash out at me in such a way
i am sorry.
but for now,
without you,

i'm where im supposed to be.
Kacie Michel Dec 2013
tonight I am sad
tonight I am lonely
the demons are screaming
and I need you to hold me.

Kacie Michel Dec 2013
i wonder what became
of the girl that threw butterflies to the rain
and shattered pretty vases
so her heart could relate.
who buried her sorrows
deep in the bottom of a bottle
and never woke up again.
sick of being a burden on everyone's shoulders,
she stretched her arms to
the wind on the boats and ponds
and longed for enough despair
and enough bravery to finally
set herself free.

what became of the girl whose solace grew bigger everyday?
her desire for life ate her away.

Kacie Michel Dec 2013
my head goes to a dark place,
my hand grabs the blade,
my skin bleeds,
all the while tears go down my face.

the rope hidden in my closet
seems more appealing.

i scream
but no one can hear me.

i'm drowning
but no one can save me.
Kacie Michel Dec 2013
when i heard that you were in the hospital
i visited.
confused as to the reason why
you were there
since no one would tell me.
when I walked in
there were bandages on your wrists.
and I felt sorry.
for every mark
meant a time
that I could've been there for
but I wasn't.

Kacie Michel Dec 2013
what is happiness?
i'm afraid
that it has been so long
that i have forgotten
what true happiness feels like.


— The End —