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I’ve made it a routine now

to decide what I am willing

to free from my thoughts.

And I have told myself that

those things can no longer invade

my every days

because you see,

change happens

and change is good

especially when you decide to change

for the better

for yourself

so you can remember the dreams

you once had but lost

so you can find something else that

makes you feel alive in ways you’ve never felt

but I would like to make a point that

you should not forget the things or ones

who made you come to these conclusions.


Because you see,

they were your starting blocks

they helped shape you

they taught you about love

and creativity

and happiness

and peace

and acceptance

they helped to learn to enjoy the things that were in store for you

and you should never regret the experience, or wish it were back

or be mad at yourself or others for why they ended.

just be happy that you got those chances,

and that is something that you can never replace.


I’ve lived the past month

questioning my journey

and my choices

and wondering what would happen if I could just rewind

could I fix how I loved

or how I treated myself or others

how to not appreciate the opportunities I have

and the experiences I will remember forever?

And I became angry, and confused, and remorseful

because I am self-critical.

I believe myself to be the bearer of bad news

of pessimistic mentality

of the need to timestamp everything.


But today, I’ve had an epiphany.

I realized that I cannot regret the fact that

things fall apart

and things cannot be mended

and that you might never feel the way you used to

with someone or in someplace

but sometimes you shouldn’t want to

because you need to be open to new experiences

you need to be open to loving someone new

or to living a different kind of life

or to experience new people and places

and basically need to grow up

and realize that there is room for better

and you’ll experience many moments of better your whole life

and those moments in your past were that

they were good and better than what you’ve had before.

But it’s okay to move on. And be happy for what’s in store.

And that’s what I intend to do,

and currently I really am

trying.
I’ve finally had a breakthrough from writing angsty posts about regret and sorrow and depression and I’m through with doing that. I need to remember positivities and ignore anything less. If you would like to take a look at this rather long poem, please do. I’m quite excited for this. But for now, good night. **
I want you
I want it to be the same
I wish you would've kept your words
of how you thought we'd be together forever
yet you never gave me or us a chance to prove that
and how you just ran, and led me on down the strand
until I hit the end, left to dangle and plead and question everything
and all I wanted was you.
and you said that's what I had.
and I want it now more than anything.
because surprisingly our distance did nothing to affect
my deepest feelings towards you
and how they've always haunted me even as much as I've pushed them away
because I thought you forgot about me, that I meant nothing
when all I wanted was something, with you.
We were so great and complex and passionate.
and I can't see why I was second choice
what made me such an unappealing choice.
when all I wanted was to care for you as long as I possibly could.
I wrote this at 2:21 am. I wanted to show how my mind works when I can't sleep. So if there are errors, forgive me. I would like to leave them there to show the trouble my mind has on nights like tonight.
AUTUMN is over the long leaves that love us,
And over the mice in the barley sheaves;
Yellow the leaves of the rowan above us,
And yellow the wet wild-strawberry leaves.
The hour of the waning of love has beset us,
And weary and worn are our sad souls now;
Let us patt, ere the season of passion forget us,
With a kiss and a tear on thy drooping brow.
 Apr 2011 k m hanton
Etta James
Love

is self-inflicted pain

those with broken hearts

must be insane

Gambling

every delicate possession

Dignity, Pride, a fragile Heart

tied in one love confession

It’s a gamble

I’m not willing to take

No, not when

My heart’s at stake

No, not me

I won’t get my hopes flushed

Because love is suicide

and I don’t want my heart crushed
Copyrighted by author
It’s pretty chilly under these sheets
Without you.

I’m reduced to using the fake heat of an electric blanket, You know that?

Not quite the same.

Though I must admit, I do have more
Room on my little twin mattress, but
I’d much rather have less space and
You any day.
I hate that moment when
Reality hits me. A cold slap
In the face.

Our goodbyes were said and
Hugs given, but now, now is
When I realize.

I cannot see you tomorrow
Or the next day. I cannot greet
You as you walk through my
Front door with a kiss and a smile.

We must wait. Always wait
For the next break to come.
And when it arrives, briefly
Does it stay.

It seems I must remind
Myself that time does indeed
Move, however slowly at
Times, and soon back in my
Embrace you will be.
Some things just
have a way of hurting
all over again.

My heart turns into
A rock in my chest,
Weighing me down,
Every pump a struggle.

I hope I'm just being
Paranoid. I wouldn't be
Able to take it if I'm not.

Okay, move on, I tell myself.

The past ***** sometimes.
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