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 Jul 2013 E
marina
i wish i could erase all the worlds you've
ever whispered into my ear,
but my blood runs thick with ink
instead of graphite and lead,
and my bones are heavy with every
syllable you ever spoke.
i'm really lonely right now.
 Jul 2013 E
marina
november
 Jul 2013 E
marina
i once knew a boy who spoke of
rustling leaves as a euphemism for
supreme love; he told me that he could hear them
whispering, "come closer, yes,
i really mean you"

can you hear it? he asked,
can you hear it too?

i closed me eyes and tried to remember
the last time i had heard an invitation as subtle as
the ones that hid in the solace of
autumn's last breaths, and there it was
buried in the softness of your palms outstretched
to the stars (longing to hold hands with the heavens)

when i opened my eyes again, i found myself
face to face with the only truth i would ever
learn: that every thing i've ever
needed to know is hidden between that boy's
words, your curious fingers, and the orange rain
that falls in november.
happy earth day, lovelies~
i actually sorta like this.  there's something about it that seems incomplete, but i've had this on my mind for a while and i finally got it out.  it's a good feeling, y'know?  and the boy's words are truly not my own, but his.  i wish i could see the world the way he does.
 Jul 2013 E
marina
dead ends
 Jul 2013 E
marina
how do we
overcome
ourselves?*
he asked,
and i cried
because i
know that
we can't.
bwahh, title help please?  because i'm lost.
also, i cry too much.
 Jul 2013 E
marina
i want to fall in love the way kids do-
diving right into

the kind of love that doesn't have to be
intimate or serious,
(because in all seriousness,
intimacy scares me)

the kind of love that makes a girl
want to tip her head back and laugh,
just for the hell of it

the kind of love that doesn't need
labels or reassurance
because none of it really matters when
together is  all that's on anyone's mind

the kind of love that happens
on the beach during summer in converse and
cutoffs and slushies and corntoss

the kind of love that happens ever day
right in my back yard
that i can't seem to find in anyone anymore
sorry, this isn't even poetry really.  i just needed to get thoughts off my mind.  this'll be deleted in a few hours.  or at least by tomorrow night.

seriously though, florida makes falling love (or infatuation) way too easy and way too hard all at once.  on one hand, it's impossible not to because of beaches and icecream and warped tour and guitarists and corntoss and music scene that is way too good.  there are too many options and people and places and things to fall in love with.
meanwhile, you grow up watching all the summer romance movies and reading all the books and then reality is just like ***, nobody really cares about each other like that.  either your the best of friends or you get into a relationship and either you (a) suddenly hate each other, or (b) somebody wants to elope, leaving the other person feeling flattered but totally awkward and everything ends disastrously.  

and that's all.  sorry for the rant.
 Jul 2013 E
marina
.
i want to carve
the ugly
out of my
bones
.
i feel like i had more to say with this, but i couldn't find the words
 Jul 2013 E
marina
i am beginning to wonder when i started finding
imperfections so beautiful

maybe it was when i decided
i would never be perfect,
and that the only way i could look at myself in the mirror
was if i started with the ugly scars on my ankle
and made my way up slowly
past my knobby knees,
prominent hip bones,
too-small chest,
pointy nose,
until i looked myself in the
eyes,
taking in every abnormality or distinct deficiency
until i could convince myself they were unique enough
to be considered in someone else's eyes
"pretty"

i began doing the same thing with everyone else,
turning their flaws into something charming
so much
so that when i came across you,
i didn't have to think about it-
i knew from the start that you would be
perfect.
thank you so much to John Edward Smallshaw for the title C:
 Jul 2013 E
marina
how to spell love
 Jul 2013 E
marina
silence can be a beautiful thing
when it blankets the cold
of a kitchen floor;
(there is something lovely
about the lines of your hands
and the peculiar smile that
plays at your lips
when you can not voice
what you need to speak)

you whispered to me
        -it's amazing how much
        you can say
        without words
-
in the quiet, i
could not help but tell you
i love you
a thousand times over.
an old one, from forever ago.  it makes me sad now, but i still like it more than most things i've written.
 Jul 2013 E
marina
hi, my name is
 Jul 2013 E
marina
tonight, he told of his scars-

drugs and parties and drinking
left no physical wounds,
but when his knuckles tapped
the podium
we could all see he was
cracked
and
bruised
and

still

hurting.


look, i wanted to say,
*my story hurts too much to tell,
but i have scars
just like you,
just like you,
i hurt too.
**** it, jess.  i knew you had a story to you.  i just didn't know it'd remind me so much of mine.
 Jul 2013 E
marina
let us go, then
 Jul 2013 E
marina
if you'd like,
we could play pretend-
i'd be sylvia plath, if you'd
be my modern-day
cummings;

we can meet in
the coffee shop on
forty-eighth and first
and talk about suicide
over tall cups of coffee
that taste like your grandfather's cigars

and when neither of us are
up for walking
we'll go out to the park
and sit
on the bench by the pond
and hold hands

(i won't really feel your fingers by mine
until they become
sticky with sweat; we'll look at each other
and realize it doesn't mean a thing
to either
except for maybe the first attempt on both parts
to not feel so alone)

when the sun sets,
i'll cry
and not have an answer
when you ask for one.
elliot & plath & cummings, ohmy
 Jul 2013 E
marina
tattoos
 Jul 2013 E
marina
if only we could choose which scars
fade and which remain;
i'd rid myself of every that bore
semblance to your name.
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