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E Jul 2013
.
"I guess, I uh, gotta go so I'll -",* you say in a lilting tone I know all too well.

(Even though you would never really want the call to end, I can't help but
think that when you leave the conversation, you'll leave and drive away the
second you can.)

Resisting the urge to say words that will make you stay, I fail to remember that this is just a tired game.

"Wait, no!" I hear scattered laughter through the phone and I let out a frustrated groan.
"You know I hate when you do that," I pout.

"I would never leave you," he reassures me.  I can't help but chuckle.

**"I don't think there will ever be a day where you fake a goodbye and I won't say 'wait'."
I felt like I needed to write this down before I forgot.
E Apr 2013
All of my nights were spent submerged in cool bliss
Anticipating the mornings waking up to you
Eyes as leaves opening towards gleaming rays
Entangled vines in white sheets
Feeling the rise and fall of your chest on my back
As gentle wind would sway pastel grass
Basking in the light filtering through the blinds of your window
Knowing you are the essence of summer
Basking in your glory and blinded by perfection
Knowing you are the essence of my being
Feigned attempts of sleep only to be awakened by the
Sweet serendipity of lips that cannot compare to
Velveteen petals immersed in the succulent taste of nectar
The brush of your lips on mine awakens an
Eternal seed that has blossomed
As the petals unfurl, I find myself becoming whole again
In the crevices of my shattered heart, flora grows
As do dandelions in the cracks of sidewalks
Fauna overpowers my concrete heart and the
Hollow core transforms into a bountiful garden
Evident to even the blind but it was the beholder,
Possessing eyes that reflected like polished silverware,
Who lacked the true vision to see the wonder
Unfolding before her shining dimes
E Jul 2013
with the phone pressed to my ear
and my hot breath on the
transmitter, i told you of my
consuming fears that cover
me like heavy blankets:

      smothering and comfortable
like a second skin i can never
shed because there is no
recognition or elasticity of
the first (even if i found
it i wouldn't be able to wear it;
it has been worn too many times before
)

      with the comforter tucked
underneath my chin and my ear
on the receiver, i waited for you to
tell me of the terror we both share
except the reason:

      you are the origin of my
darkness and the stars in your
night sky have not burned
out yet, i don't know why you hide
them with ink splotches ; (mine are
shriveled and etched into the
palms of my hands; they
never fade away
)

      with another call ended
and our thoughts encompassing our
tortured minds, i stare at my wall
counting all the
hours
minutes
feelings
people
wasted and the ideals
i never achieved, while you stare out
your window

      counting all of the innumerable
lights that you think are never
in your favor and you lay
saddened
tired
hopeful
expecting
waiting for a shooting star
to crash through your bedroom window
and
         plunge
                      into
                             your
heart.
why won't you just admit you're afraid of love
E Jun 2015
Calloused soles against the asphalt shingles
Pressed back against the window panes
Unhinged at a deadly height
Staring at the brick patio
Contemplating the fall, unwilling
To leap wishing
For courage
Uninhibited.

Fractured
For convalescence
To recover waiting
Continuing the agony, unyielding
Staring at the linoleum floor
Damaged attempting a fleeting escape
Relieved for external wounds as distractions
Numbed for the wrenching, unbearable pain.

This will not end in broken ribs and patterned bruises.
This will not end in inked gauze and well wishes.

Hardened heels retreat from the ledge
Opened chest against the **** carpet
Unhinged on a deadly night
Staring at a closed door
Listening to voices, hushed
To fall silent
For ears
Unprepared.

This will end in confused hands and a screaming heart.
This will end in collapsing knees and a wretched spirit.

Terrified
For inevitable
To arrive fearing
Knocking the bell, ringing
Staring at a glass demise
Shattering tears piercing reddened cheeks
Recognizing voices while fleeing up seventeen
Creaking planks towards a deafening hell.
E Jun 2013
Streamers and sparklers
Red,white and blue bruised skin
Spangled and screaming
Pigments bursting within

You know how to light my fire
Crimson and cobalt desire
With every single touch
The feeling is growing rough

Sequins fill holes in the sky
True colors are flying high

Chorus:
On my own, I burned so bright
Ignite me without the light
Nothing has been the same
Since you extinguished my flame
A match without a spark
And a stranger in the dark

Saluting and summers
Damaged, used and left rubbed raw
Seeing stars and stripes
Explosions leave me in awe

You are heaven and hell
That's the reason I fell
Living was bad and nice
In a white hot paradise

Nation's flag waves with pride
Melting on the inside

Chorus:
On my own, I burned so bright
Ignite me without the light
Nothing has been the same
Since you extinguished my flame
A match without a spark
And a stranger in the dark

Glittering fireworks die down
Crying when no one is around

On my own, I burned so bright
Ignite me without the light
Nothing has felt the same
Since you extinguished my flame
A match without a spark
Unknown stranger in the dark
I was going to publish this on the fourth of July but I just couldn't wait.
E Jun 2015
Wait for me under a blackened night
eager to swallow us whole.
Upon the stroke of new day, the world
will shift and I will find you on tilted toes,
spinning towards celestial arms with the
magnitude of the galaxy coursing through my veins.

Show me the constellations etched in your skin.
Tell time to reach its palms to a heaven
above, giving us ability to explore a
divinity of our own.  I will breathe in the stardust
from your lungs and taste the eclipse of our destiny.
We will embrace the universe near its end.

Until azure paints the dawn indelible, hold me
before evening spits us onto pavement.
When dusk strikes four, the earth will twirl
and I will dance under the light of the Luna,
descending from the pull of your gravity,
listening for the yearn on your tongue.
E Jun 2013
i ran my fingers across the
surface of the felt art i never
colored and i remembered the
urgency when i bought it at

the gas station because i was in
desperate need of a distraction
and maybe if a filled in the
blank spots i could create an

answer between the lines so
then i would know why you
seemed so distant even though
we were sitting so close and

after the pit stop i was faced
with an empty seat and over
whelming feelings and the
walls were closing in and my

heart was swelling and bursting
with angry color and panic
scribbled on my insides leaving
red marks and i was searching

for the green marker and i was
afraid it went between the crack
in the seats or it rolled down the

aisle like the tears rolled down my
face because i had every color with
me and i had everything i wanted

except you

and looking back i realized that
that **** marker and your eyes
didn't just have color in common
i lose them easily just like i lost

my sanity on the bus ride home.
E Apr 2013
Slumped shoulders and quick, hurried steps
Out file masses at the ring of freedom
I hurry too, to the one thing I want
The only thing I want
Fingers carefully spin, eyes trained on delicate numbers
The sound of the click and I patiently wait
Feeling nothing but the beat in my chest
Eyes that are intent on focus and purpose
But the seconds are agonizing and I turn only to see you with
slumped shoulders and quick, hurried steps
Slowly understanding and
Feeling nothing but emptiness
Knowing that turning away from the thing you used to want
Was your own sense of freedom
4th Period
E Jun 2013
Tell me lord, is it
  such a sin to
despise the skin
I'm living
in?
E May 2013
Lounging in a chaise
Soaking up warm rays
Peaches and cream
Hills of soft green
Come closer and whisper
"You are my living dream"

Sipping on devotion doesn't fill me up
Pour another drink into my cup
Sugar sweet beverage
The right amount of leverage
When the taste stays on your tongue
Lemon twisted love affair
Never did I have a care
Gonna leave you high and dry
This time I won't be the one to cry

Carnival lights and
Forbidden nights
Ruthless and reckless
Take me out for a drive
Dripping ice cream
"You are my daring delight"

Sipping on devotion doesn't fill me up
Pour another drink into my cup
Sugar sweet beverage
The right amount of leverage
When the taste stays on your tongue
Lemon twisted love affair
Never did I have a care
Gonna leave you high and dry
This time I won't be the one to cry

Stomach clenched into a fist
Pucker up for a sour kiss
No one to give you a warning
Pursued another the next morning
Bitter words inflict raw pain
"Your misery is my gain"

Lemon twisted love affair
Never did I have a care
Gonna leave you high and dry
Shriveled heart awaits to die


I won't be the one to cry
E May 2013
today I was happy
finally elated for the
first time since the day
you ripped out my heart
and held it pulsating
in your hand
today I thought I
heard it beating
because maybe you
didn't need an accolade
for the destruction of
my vital ***** after all
today I felt victorious
because I could finally
function properly without
the need for your
hollow void where my
naive spirit found solace
but after being fueled by
the resolute yet wavering fire
ice was lacking
urgency to heal the
agony of internal wounds
E Jun 2013
Oh, maybe I'm so
much more than
just a
girl
E Jun 2013
Inhale and it hurts to breathe
Stale air burns like cigarettes
It doesn't get better when you leave
Inhale ashes as regrets

Chorus:
You're my Marlboro man
I'll buy you another pack
To dry your tar black core
Your secondhand smoke
Signals a heart attack

It's just so **** hard for me to be
The one thing that you need
I'm your gas station queen
I'll do anything you please
Baby, you're my nicotine dream

Warm words singe my tongue
I wash my mouth out with green Colgate
Battling this addiction can't be won
Bitter and sharp, it's a taste I hate

Chorus:
You're my Marlboro man
I'll buy you another pack
To dry your tar black core
Your secondhand smoke
Signals a heart attack

It's just so **** hard for me to be
The one thing that you need
I'm your gas station queen
I'll do anything you please
Baby, you're my nicotine dream


Hair covered with soot and spark
It was your plan to break me down in parts
Crimson flames burn in the dark
It was your plan to intoxicate me from the start

Chorus:
You're my Marlboro man
I'll buy you another pack
To dry your tar black core
Your secondhand smoke
Signals a heart attack

It's just so **** hard for me to be
The one thing that you need
I'm your gas station queen
I'll do anything you please
Baby, you're my nicotine dream


Light up your last drag
I'm the best you'll ever have (x2)

Inhale and it hurts to breathe
Stale air burns like cigarettes
It never gets better when you leave
Inhale ashes as regrets
A song I just finished this morning. Feedback is much appreciated! **
E Jul 2013
Her hair is* Autumn.

Cascading hues of locks that shine
golden and auburn. They tumble down
her shoulders like the crisp leaves of
September. Rippling down her back in
the bold sun and falling perfectly into
place, grazing the small of her back.

Her eyes are Spring.

So lively and filled with the light of one
thousand suns. Fresh and vibrant;
astounded with all of the beauty beheld
in the universe. Captivated by one
glance and then cast adrift into
turquoise seas; a lost sailor with no
intention of being rescued.

Her voice is Summer.

Sultry and sensational. When she
speaks, every word is like delectable
honey; one taste is never enough. When
she sings, warm sun rays illuminate her
and she basks in nature's spotlight. The
delicious melody seems infinite. Everyone craves
to hear her succulent symphony.

But her soul is Winter.

Bitter and frigid, scarce and bare.
Chilled to the bone and frost covers her
spirit. It is always bleak in her heart
and the ice never thaws. Her life is
a permanent tundra and there will always
be one set of footprints in the snow.
The blizzard is getting stronger.
E Jun 2013
I
am
stuck
between
who
I
want
to
become
~~~~~~~~~
--------me-------
~~~~~~~~~
and
who
they
want
me
to
become.
I don't know what to do.
E Jun 2013
I should be able to see
Golden gates of the divine
The only place that is free
Of things troubled and benign

Trapped tunnels, nothing to find
Escape to the other side
Voices trailing from behind
It's harder to live than die

Chorus:
The bells, the bells
The bells chime
The bells, the bells
Toll out of time
Bronze and bold
A hollow ring
Eyes close and
The angels sing

I should be able to feel
No need to find salvation
Lord, say it is surreal to
Reach final destination

Turned tunnels with paths that wind
God won't say a reason why
Living dead and I don't mind
No difference if I die

Chorus:
The bells, the bells
The bells chime
The bells, the bells
Toll out of time
Bronze and bold
A hollow ring
Eyes close and
The angels sing

Dead end, the black is bright
Stone wall, I can see it now
Damp ground, blinding light
Fade away, I don't know how

Chorus:
The bells, the bells
The bells chime
The bells, the bells
Toll out of time
Bronze and bold
A hollow ring
Eyes close and
The angels sing

Fade away, I don't know how (x4)
E Jul 2014
There is a thumping beneath my pillow and it is peculiar that I wish your heart is on the other side.

It is only the dull roar of thunder cracking in the distance and my clarity is breaking because I see the lightening through my crescent window but I cannot see my thoughts spread out across an ink sky.

My notions have been clouded lately and I can't clean substances without knowing their surfaces. Nothing in my mind is behaving coherently and everything is hazy. I am losing expression and finding complication; (this is not entirely baffling because what I feel for you stretches far beyond complexity.)

This madness is a beautiful thing because I now see the simile right before me.You are like lightening: white hot and fleeting, a sight eyes with permeating pupils have the utmost difficulty of absorbing. Instantaneous and electrifying to the touch, a brush of a finger and the senses are fragmented.

I have always been fond of natures illuminations. There is something so awe filling about the unexplainable things in life. Common phenomena, if you will. So understand that whenever I am speechless around you, it has nothing to do with a loss for words or a struggle for sentences. It has everything to do with my want to smear my words across your charcoal horizon; to reach my stained fingerprints towards our white streaked atmosphere and to be scarred by your crackling kiss.

There is a thumping beneath my pillow and it is peculiar that your heart is on the other side.
E May 2013
There     are     faults     in     our    stars



                                                ­                 Ink marred by burning scars

                                                          ­         Holes in velvet seams

                                                      ­                  We cling to foolish dreams

                                                         ­       Seal the blinding **pe within

                                                         ­                              The light will always dim
                                                             ­                 
We burn so bright

                     Can we ignite without the light?
                                                          ­                                                    
I have never felt the same
                      
                                   Since you extinguished my flame
                                                           ­                                                         
I am a match without a spark
                                                        
  ­                                     Now you are a stranger in the *
dark
E Apr 2013
Kiss me hard and kiss me deep
In the morning I shall not weep
Ease me into heavy slumber
Restless thoughts shall not wonder
Your smile I have never told
Melts my heart to liquid gold
Whisper softly in my ear
The melodies I want to hear
Tug and bend delicate strings
Conduct the song that my heart sings
Release me from your grasp, my dear
Unless you long to hold me near
Disguise, a tactic you learned best
Unsynced rhythm in my chest
The never-ending symphony
Morphed into a catastrophe
Bitterness and a vague answer
Diagnose me with a deadly cancer
Chants of demons in my head
My quaking body fills with dread
Falling debris from the ledge
Standing at a quarry's edge
Flying through the stolen night
For the first time I can see the light
Drown yourself in the guilt
Demolish walls you carefully built
Intent destruction I never will forgive
Because I had to die to live
Fate.




Any ideas for a title?

— The End —