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I cry as our fingers slide apart;
Wrapped up in a cloth blanket drenched with tears
But held tightly because of fear;
Fear that you'd never come back
Fear that you'd change if you did
But as of now I dream of holding you in
Firmly against my skin so neither of us would be hot nor cold
Because in our presence its prefect...
Not a discrepancy I could name
Not a thing I would change;
For you are the reason I'm sane;
What could I do if you didn't come back; I'm hopeless in fact
Thus, I'm not the same when we're back to back
Your face is everything and your feelings the same
*Do please come back in time I tried to explain
Rejoicing in her splendour, feeling truly blessed
I kiss her tenderly on her brow and hold her too my chest
I whisper softly in her ear, sweet words to make her smile
Such warm embrace, the perfect place, to linger for a while
the hunched figurine
the tablet of her arm
has written there the church of her desires
each vein has a scar
blackened by collapse
and my lips seek them
and with such tender kisses
i do worship her and her devotions
the tool box comes out
and she delves into the greasy depth
withdrawing a single
straight narrow viper
with the poisons loaded
it stares at me
she licks her wet lip
and invests in me
the dream
i wait the bitter watch of night
with her false sleeping touching my shoulder
and jarring her back from the soft place
she runs her hand up my cold chest to lips
my kisses so tender of her church
trackmarks on my heart
after the bitter
is heaven

your bold words ring hollow
your intent was true
but the years have gathered on your limbs
struggle to breath
struggle to pretend that enduring this
will bring some measure of peace
will bring some answer to the long years
bargain with the devil
for a longer day but she holds all the cards
and keeps banking records of all your hearts
humble ideals ready to cash in on your weaker moments

the bare bulb dusty room
the appalling barrenness of its leathery skin
and the scent spins in my head like an illness
screaming its foul intentions
but i am drawn in
its soft seductive voice
after the bitter
after the thirst
it pours itself into my arms
and unbuttons its jeans
the unspoken is that its soft and warm
and after the bitter
after the thirst
it seems like a place i could be
ugly place i willingly wander

a feast of images
so many colors
and interesting things
pretty pictures
listen to the small screaming sounds as she consumes them
see the seeping flow become a
puddle of creeping figures
they make their way cross the room
to  her footstep
they shadow her moves
each one has a hand to the pulse of feelings
emotion plays to the heart of every play she makes
make no mistake

puddle of creeping figures
each individual one
a shadowy man in a grey overcoat
but as a mass they resemble
a smiling face of a woman familiar to you
familiar enough to get close with a blade
pool of creeping figures
a shallow lake of bleeding images
that makes strange sounds as it moves with
incandescent life
see her eyes glow like bloodworms
but she is what i desire
i french kiss her ideal
she will be heaven to me after the bitter
when my security
shatters
into sand scattered on the concrete

when my face
burns, melts
into the many little bones
holding it together

when my resolve
scampers down the walk
its leash finally tattered enough to be broken

when my eyes view yours
as they would migraines,
blinking away every fantasy of us together for fear of
pain or nausea or both

when I find myself laboring to
smile, nod, speak
as though the receptors telling me to
obey and interact have lost touch
with their synapses

when you ask me if I'm okay
and I'm struggling under your hand
as you hold me under the surface of my insecurities

and I just say, "Yes."
i wish
i could be as sleek, as slim,
as wanted
as the cigarette you slip into your mouth

alighting the chemicals
letting them heat up, expand and
fill your every cavity
with blessed calm

i wish i could be the cancer
that lurks in your lungs

you'd breathe me in
and hold my every note
until the last bubble of oxygen
left your chest

i wish i could burn down to the last
loving drag you take, the satisfying
exhale as gravity claims my ashes.

i wish i could give you everything you wanted
right in that moment; but that would make me
disposable.
From the beginning I trusted you, but in end I rejected you
Because the demons inside shined bright in the night
Sadly, we only hung out at night...
When your world was already dizzy
Mine was too busy to understand the reasons why
So my mind decided that a marathon was stunning
I only thought of you but it managaed to keep running
In this case 28 k but seemed like 28 days
Becuase as you know you just dont run the race
Theres many days of planning and exercise just in case

Now, my heart beats out of rythem
Becuase of the precision of your desicion
Your words seemed kind but in my mind I knew that they hurt
Like you grabbed my heart, played with it, put it back and left it in parts
Since then my left atrium doesnt work
Its like a inncoent whale that was left to die in the beach dirt
And i was simply that... innocent dirt
What had I done previous to this that made you act outrageous?
But now I know your contagious
A disease that brings you one step closer death
But now im just once step closer to home I guess

Home.  A intanglment of feeling like the fibers in my sheets
I thought it was a place of love but then relized its just a place to meet
My mother was a weird one. Often pressing burdens on her son
A seperated family with nothing in commom is definatly more common then Nostradomeous
To say I love quotes would be close but theres some that make me simply choke
Remember when "like father like son" was an inpiration quote but for me its what kept me a float
On the sea of hatred with the destination of dope
Becuase of the words my mother chose, addiction would be my affliction
A state of pain my mother, father, sister and brother could not feel
Yes, this is the shittest deal, but look at me now
A person ontop with the world as my partner,
Ambition like a morning light because I had the will to fight
Only you can make a change your life, not your mother, drugs and neither your wife.
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