Funny how everyone has advice
Unsolicited
Suggestions on how to live my life
Laden with judgment

Walk for just one day in my shoes
And then maybe I’d listen
…But probably not
Because one day couldn’t begin to depict

To show you the turmoil I’ve endured
The physical and emotional hardship
The obstacles I’ve overcome
…And the ones I haven’t

You’ll never know how I think
Or why I make the choices I do
You can’t comprehend my reasoning
….Or my intent

And as you look down at me
With your sideways glances and stares
And I look up at you
Not giving a ****

Just remember that you don’t live my life
You don’t walk the path I do
And unless you’re looking to bear my burden
Step off

Because I don’t have time
For your suggestions
Masked as pity and good intention
Delivered with “love”

Your feigned love is *******
With its exceptions
Love me for who I am
Or leave me the **** alone

Your bite marks linger under my skin
I’m awash in a crimson hue
I try to exhale but can’t catch my breath
A secret between me and you

I wish I was someone else
Less damaged, more composed
I wish I was all consuming
Head turning, inspiring prose

I know what I really am
Walls up, too hard to climb
I know what I have to offer
Probably not worth your time

I put on the face of indifference
Less chance to be hurt that way
I put on a smile to hide the pain
The truth will just scare you away

I hate what I see in the mirror
And I can’t seem to let that go
I hate what I feel when I’m lonely
Though I try to put on the show

I wish I had what the others have
Maybe things wouldn’t be so hard
I wish I had made different choices
So my soul didn’t bear these scars

I will never be the girl of your dreams
I’m made up of nightmares and fear
I will never be all that you wanted
Please don’t bother,
                     just move on my dear.

My house is clean
My bed is made
My dishes are done
My bills are paid

My babies are happy
As I sing them a song
And give them the love
They deserved all along

My soul is at peace
My mind doesn’t wonder
My spirits are lifted
From the weight I was under

My story’s ongoing
My heart on the mend
Let’s start this adventure
Not even close to the end

When my days are over and my breath has gone
Will it really matter that I loved so wrong?
Will you dwell on the failures I seemed to repeat.
And recount the times where life had me beat?

When my skin and my bones are all that remain
Will you wish I had lived a life more mundane?
Will you look at my photos and feel sorry for me
Since I wasn’t the person you hoped I would be?

Will it matter that my body didn’t fit in your form,
My skin stretched and scarred, beat up by the storm?
Will you care that I burdened my poor, heavy heart,
As I beat myself up for not looking the part?

Will you think back and wonder why again and again,
I was the right kind of girl for the wrong kind of men?
Will you rehash the stories where I couldn’t be strong,
Or will you try to remember why I hurt for so long?

Please just try to remember, as you remember me
That I wasn’t as strong as I hoped I’d be
And I wasn’t the person that I could have been
But I woke up each morning and I tried to again.