tried to feel, but i laughed it off
tried to care, but it feels so wrong
tried to deny, but it’s all over this place
again.
something’s gone, something’s switched
not in a good way
it’s a terrible thing
and i make mistakes that i didn’t used to
before.
my room is messy, so’s my mind
so’s everything where i tried to take my time
all my friends and all my people
all the things i used to do
i’m shutting down, it doesn’t feel good
everything hurts
this poem doesn’t work
and it feels like an attention-seeking cry.
the things i dread, the things i dream
it’s all melting together, a strange feeling.
all my haters are doing better than me
in life
why am i here
if i don’t ever bother to try?

there’s a ton of people
in this crowd
some people here acting
way too loud
and some people shoving
me around
no one’s really on my side.
if you want love,
then get in line
might as well have a
“feeling sad” sign
no one’s paying attention
anyways.
it’s kind of fine
kind of down
rather not talk
rather not laugh
kind of pitiful
kind of tough
rather not cry
just try to survive
and take back the tears
you already gave away
if you scream for help
no one comes running
maybe one glance
but you’re not worth caring for
it’s okay, you’ll be fine
maybe?
you don’t need salt
you don’t need red eyes
crying’s just a state of mind.

b and w
all grey hues
it’s supposed to make me
less happy
but i find that it’s different
to what i thought it would be
pictures are all plain now
but they look more calming, less chaotic
black and white photography
makes everything look romantic
now the sky looks dystopian
and flowers are shades of grey
everyone has the same hair colour
it’s something i don’t hate
and i didn’t expect
to like it this much
but now the world’s without colour
and it’s simpler to love
i didn’t expect
it would look this way
all this time
i’ve never known
the world looks pretty pretty
in monochrome.

the dull feel of pain
but not really pinching
more achy than sharp
which is better in most cases
this hurts more than it did
the first time around
but it also doesn’t hurt one bit
a mystery left unsolved
and goodbye isn’t a word
it’s more of a feeling
and through the days i felt
that you might be leaving
so adieu and farewell
it was perhaps a good time
but losing is a pain
and i lost every game
i still miss how you talk
but i don’t miss you at all
that’s important
remember
it doesn’t affect me at all
but it’s sad to look back
rome wasn’t built in a day
the greatest empires all fall
they all believe they’re eternal
but the difference is that
it really felt like we were.