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juniper Dec 2020
there's a difference between
being open and being insane
privacy still needs exist
not everyone deserves your thoughts
you need to hear them first
juniper Dec 2020
how weird is it
growing up,
you were the best
you were going to make something out of yourself
and today
what you should be doing
and the procrastination that has never been an issue before
is crippling
humiliating
you're trying to be better
to be okay with taking it easy
but every so often
the shame and panic sets in
and you can't even do the basics
how do you explain it to people
people who say
"i'm still proud of you"
but
that doesn't matter
you're not proud of who you are
and wanting to be proud of yourself
when you feel so productive and mediocre
is the hardest heartbreak you ever have to endure?
juniper Aug 2020
i'm to the point that you don't even cross my mind
no angry "i'll be sure not to reach out"
just finally the neutral
"i don't even care"
and i truly, truly thought i didn't care

until
the notification pops up,
your name flashing across my screen
and i don't know what to do
how to feel,
i forget how to breathe

how'd you know i was over you before i even knew
and how did you know to reach out to me
because now i'm not sure of anything
least of all how over you i actually was
juniper Jul 2020
when our eyes meet
there's so much warmth
so much love, trust, comfort
i shouldn't have anything to doubt
and yet,
whatever i'm craving
i'm terrified you won't satisfy it
but what's wrong with me to refuse something that should be perfect
juniper Jul 2020
i'm wild
i'll always prize myself on that
and you?
you always prize yourself
that for a little while
you tamed me
juniper Jul 2020
there had to be something
a reason
that we both denied
but everyone seemed to comment
we were there for each other
juniper Jul 2020
you say i'm chaotic
i'm dramatic
but i prefer lively,
spirited, independent
i have 1000 and one dreams and aspirations
and a great fear of shallow living
so i want everything done now
and i want to have felt everything already

you say i'm chaotic
i say full of life
of potential love
i had allowed you to see my mess, my frantic, need-to-see-it-all side of me
because i thought you wanted everything you could squeeze out of life
just like i do

you say dramatic
but i don't do anything half
i feel either everything or nothing
and after your words
i feel nothing for you anymore

i'm not sorry for wanting more of you
because i always want more for me
for the people i care about
and i tore down walls to care about you
but thank you for those feelings
and contributing to my own beautiful chaos
just like i added to yours for that bit
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