I miss your sun and all its warmth as it gave me hugs when I stepped outside
The way you took the clouds and held them in your big blue space
You let me feel the green grass grow beneath my feet
Can we just lay here a while, in complete simplicity?
Rain or shine, I enjoy the whispers you sent me through the wind
Now the ice is melting, like sprinkling rain upon my head
Lately I’ve been dreaming of how your embers used to shine
Of how you took care of me in times of need and in times of goodness
Bring me back to the times where I could just close my eyes in the outdoors
And fall in love with you again
I can’t wait for your birds to sing to me their sweet melodies
I want nothing but your open air and open water
Just let me take it all in again, bring back your long lost friend
The trees are bare but I remember when you had them surrounded by leaves of green
Oh and all the creatures you sent out, especially the ones at night
How they clattered and squealed, I could watch them from my window
You would bring me out on lonely nights and distract me with your beauty
I miss your beauty, the way every single thing captured my eye
I can’t wait to gaze up at your sky without any worry in the world
Bring back the colors you loved to blend, the same ones I fell in awe to
Let me travel your rivers and streams again, barefoot, the only way to feel
I want to get ***** in your mud again, creating pictures with my limbs
Bring me to an open field, just so I can run, and fall into you, and laugh, and smile.
Just come back, bring it all back and give me something to enjoy again.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You got me to cry, you yelled until I did.
                        You love it, don’t you? I can tell.
You got me to feel like I’m worth nothing.
You got me to hurt myself, again.
You got me to think I’m a failure.
You got me back in the state of mind
                        Where I just want to die.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You got me to hate your guts.
You got me to swear never to come back.
You got me real excited to leave here forever.
                        You wonder why I like being everywhere
                        but here?           THIS IS WHY.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You got your son to hate you no matter what.
You got your wife afraid to stop you.
Your children are terrified of you.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You left, again.
You don’t think any of us would LOVE to do that too?
I would. If you didn’t still have control over me.
He would. If he didn’t still have four years here,
                        Living with the monster.
She would. If when she came back you didn’t still
                        Scream at her more.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You proved me wrong.
I thought things were getting better between us.
I guess that was too much for you.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Congratulations, jack ***.
I hate you.

Moon falls on the outskirts tonight
Losing myself feels right
And there’s no one around to hear me.
Story time
What’s in your mind is mine.
What exactly am I supposed to do
With skies of blue and boys like you?
I stand upon stairs,
Upon mountains in rainy day weather
Poured on and
Feeling each drop of that wet disguise.
They all left me for someone else.
I’m not trying to speak in specific forms
Or patterns, shapes, stripes, or plaids.
The world is a funny color.
The bearer of bad news,
I’m Sorry.
You’re ready to knock my head off
And I’m ready for you too.
I saw a smile in the building lights.
The plastic glittered through the air.
All while the music slows
And the wind picks up.
Fat Bird.
Silence. And the drum beats on.
Now, get back here.
Give me butterflies.

I’m not the best at anything
Like I thought I wanted to be
But I’m pretty good at everything…
Here’s the list that is me:
          Singing
          Writing
          Playing the guitar
          Projects
          Designing
          Driving my car
          Running
          Kissing
          Baking cake
          Organizing
          Smiling
          I am no fake
          Being honest
          Friendly
          Truthful
          And real
          I’m beautiful
          And funny
          I share what I feel
          Open to everything
          Willing to try
I say, “I hate my life”
But I don’t know why.
Why?
Because I had never realized
How great it is to fly.
So, goodbye
          To the past
          To that quiet girl in the corner
          To the crying & frightened girl in the corner
          To the corner I trapped & locked myself into.
To everything I thought was my life
Because my life is what I make it
And I’m making it mine
Go out
Dance about
Scream and shout
I’ll go do what I want
If it’s fun and makes me smile
If I plan to stay for a while
And I have each of you to thank
          You, who rejected me,
          You, who accepted me,
          You, who gave me a chance,
          You, who gave me a glance,
          You, who used me,
          You, who abused me,
          You, who made me laugh,
          You, who watched me cry,
          You, who reached in,
          You all helped me survive.
I am not alone
I have found my new home
I’ll probably break down
You will see me frown
But for right now
I can remember what it is to be happy.

My life lives in a repeat.
I notice what I’m doing now, and since we’re so far along the track I just don’t know where to
Stop It.
            “You got a new friend, well I got homies, but in the end it’s still so lonely.”
And that’s exactly what I’m doing to myself.
My best friend lives 210 miles away – maybe that’s because I’ve always been afraid of letting anyone else closer.
I was getting there, diving deeper in, to relationships and lives that could have had the potential to be unforgettable.
                                                                                    Fear Won.
At the end of my days, I pushed everyone else further
                                                            Pushing everything away and at the same time,
                                                            The impacting force shoves me right back,
                                                            Falling off the hill I so diligently tried to climb up in the first place.
The worst part?
            Everything is subconscious.
Zero control over what was going on – what’s still going on.
                        And I still don’t know how to
                        Fix It.
I’ve been pushing and running for the longest time now. I’ve always worried about the future outcomes and the ones from the past.
            Never paying attention to the smiling faces Right In Front Of Me
                                                                                                  Which all leads to Disappointment.
                                                                                                  All within myself, and soon shows up
                                                                                                  physically and then shown in other faces.
                        The result of this mess?
                                    Overwhelmed.
                                    It builds up, piles up, on top of me and soon I can’t breathe.
                                    Then someone messes with a part of the stack near the bottom.
                                    And like a Jenga Puzzle – it all goes tumbling down.
            The girl under there has no chance of survival.
                                                She weeps, sleeps and doesn’t make a peep on days that are gray.
                                                                     Keeps to herself and secretly wishes someone would care.
                                                                     Things are well hidden and unless she frowns,
                                                                     Or makes a sound…                                no one will know.

Take my hand and Run.
Run away with me just like we did,
Under the Moonlight, and
Into the street lights, tonight
Guide me into trees of brown and black,
Keep your eyes Forward,
Loose leaf path and don’t look back
I feel like a giant to the pyramids among me
Watch them as they stand and stare
Seeing the field of muddy mounds
And I secretly Disappear.

Adventure and my Heartbeat lead me off,
Running once again, dodging, bending, looking out,
I found the dreaded End.
As I searched, eyes wide and flustered
The voices faded and my own came out.
What felt like years ended with one vibration.
“Where are you?”
I was where I am and where I’ve always been.
On my own, off in the distance, exploring
And now I wanted you there too.

Dug out from branches and Secret holes,
Into a plain and musty green splat of land
I walked along, and there you were.
One look, One touch, One kiss
Brought me all back again
And again we fall into the Forest.
Following the Light back home.

My skies turned from gray to blue, to black and back.
Fueled with charisma and insanity,
The little hope I had left took my hand, and led me home.
I would shine like the sun, if it weren’t for the clouds.
I look back now and realize
How childish everything I ever did was.
And I understand that tomorrow,
I’ll look back at today and think the same.
I walk on the line dividing heaven and hell,
Not yet sure which side I’d like to fall.
Who is there, if it is not you?
Who are you, if you are not here?
Maybe I am so alone and missing you
Because you have not been replaced.
But maybe you have not been replaced
Because I’ve been missing you.
Long story short,
Or maybe it’s been a short story all along,
As much as I miss, as much as I want, as much as I crave.
Faces come and go, and as yours is leaving,
Another is coming, making me smile in different ways.
Flipping and flopping, tipping and toppling.
I notice that smile from across the room
Nervous excitement bubbles inside of me.
The pages are turning and we are learning
How to be okay, how to calm down and stay.
I don’t know exactly what to say, other than hello
While in my head the words are forming,
My brain is constantly storming.
Our souls lead our hands to play the music
That we couldn’t possibly express with words.
From corner to corner,
The feelings continuously bounce off the walls.
Braids and shades, blades and trades.
As we live on, as we love another
I am the missing piece,
That belongs to a different puzzle.

Conversations for us go one of three ways
          None at all, meaningless words tossed back and forth or
          Fights about stupid **** that neither of us really care about
You give short replies lacking all emotion
          And you wonder why I think you don’t care about me
When I open my mouth to share my thoughts
          You find some way to make them backfire in my face
I gave up so much for this, don’t push me away now
You sit there, wherever you are, miles away
          With no way for you to see my face
          How much hurt and stress and pain it’s been carrying
All you have to do is say the word
          And I’d be there, with you, the only place I want to be
I don’t have the slightest clue to what happened
          All I know is that I want to fix it; I’ve been trying to fix it
But this isn’t a one player game
          I can’t make all the moves
I’ve never actually been treated this badly before
          What keeps me hanging on?
          I wasn’t even sure you had my heart yet
          But I can already feel it breaking
Show me that you still want this
          Prove to me you’re worth it.

Q:  If I’m missing, would you miss me?
                                                                   A:  You wouldn’t.

           Because I don’t believe you’ve ever cried yourself to sleep at night
Simply because you were missing the sound of my voice or the sight of my smile
    Because you’ve never imagined what it would be like to fall asleep at night
    And wake up with me right next to you, incased in the warmth of your arms
           Because there’s never been a time where you craved my company
                Or just wanted to have a conversation just to be engaged
                                     Because the nice ones finish last,
                                           That is- if they finish at all
                               Because girls like me aren’t dreamt about
                                         Aren’t talked about in flattery
                                             Stared upon on sidewalks

                                                        I don’t get
                                                          Noticed

                                             You never notice a thing

                                        That I’ve been starving myself
                                     When there were slits on my wrist
                          All of the tears secretly seeping out of my eyes
                                  The irregular pattern of my breathing
                                               My lack of inspiration
                                        The plead for help in my eyes

                                                my entire disguise

                                    You’d never notice if I went missing
                                                  I hold no presence
                                           I bring nothing to the table
                                                  I offer what I am,
                                           And when you’re too busy
                                Everything I am fades into the background

                      And from the sadness of my heart, it’s soothing to know
                               That I wouldn’t make a mess if I chose to go.

The room was hot
Her skin was dry
In speckled formations
That resembled alligator skin
Laughter from the room over
And the buzzing of the refrigerator
Were the only
Outside noises
The ones inside her head though,
Those voices never rest
Outside from the window
Cars and people trickle by
As the night does
One cup of water
Filled too many times
The room was hot
But her fingers still cold
Slow breathing
Even slower tears
The couch was black
And its leather resembled
The texture of the skin
On her unevenly shaven legs
The wall was white, and flat, and hard
And she felt her spine against it
Each time she took a breath
She sat motionless
Her body sent tingles and itches
To make sure she knew
She was alive
The stillness of the air haunted her
Just as reality's voice crept in singing,
"You're still alone."

Deep breaths come natural when thoughts of smiles come up next to you
But the well ran dry and I finally couldn’t muster up any more.
Thoughts and thinking and conversations as the what if’s and potential happenings
Slowly, calmly, but surely, let go of their grasp.
No more stomach aching, tummy tumbling, twist tied knots forming.
I found a peace in the pieces of my heart that afternoon
A restless resting of spattered questions and answers.
The blame isn’t you, isn’t me, it was never meant to be set free.
This is this, that was that, and our pages will keep flipping without warning.
Lonely nights, long days, but they all have their way of letting me know- it’ll be okay.

Knowing that, I'll smile.

I smile because you make me
Just let me stay for a while
Something so sweet
This simple act makes me complete

I’ve never met a smile that felt so right
My own gives me butterflies
And you give them to me best

Mine belongs to you
I feel it every time I do

I’m addicted to look you put on my face
It’s anything but familiar

Oh darling,
You’re so charming
Please promise to never leave my side

Sometimes I get ****** into thinking about the past.
Mostly about you.
And how there are no words to describe what we had,
because we never spoke about it.
We talked about how we didn’t talk about it.
And even when things kept progressing, we still never really talked.
Part of me misses you, but I don’t miss that.

I start to look back and realize that you really were my best friend that year.
Heck, my only friend.
But then I have to remember that I was miserable and sad.
I was so unhappy with my life and how things were going.
And even though I had you, I didn’t really have you, because I never knew your mind.
I thought I did, at times, but I always knew there was much more.

I was young then.
Only a year younger than I am now, but it makes all the difference.
Or maybe just the experience has taught me to grow.
Either way, when I look back…
I just see two silly adolescents,
looking for something neither of us could ever completely find in each other.

You intimidated me, you scared me, but you were also the only comfort I had.
I didn’t know what to say to you, what to ask, what to talk about.
When I think about it, I don’t think you knew what to do either.
It’s like, we were both the mysterious type, the ones that people are drawn to.
But when you put us together,
we just waited for the other one to try to figure us out.

Maybe, though, we were also afraid we’d get too attached.
To find out we really had the world in common and then- nothing.
Only to end up hours and miles away.
We knew that’s how it would all end anyways.

I don’t know, this is all from my perspective.
Part of me wishes I had the confidence then, that I do now.
Part of me wishes I would have tried harder to open up with you.
But most of me knows I just couldn’t back then.
And realistically, most of me is glad I don’t have the conversations, too,
to remember you by.

"STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES,
                                       BUT WORDS WILL NEVER HURT ME."

I don’t know about you,
         but I’d rather be impaled
                   with blades and rocks
                             than called the names
                                      I’ve heard you say.

                             Time after time I think you’ll change.
                                    The lash of words you speak always
                                              seem to cut like daggers
                                                      str­aight through me.
                                                             ­ But your secrets don’t leak out
                                                             ­       and I won’t seek for revenge.
                                                        ­                  I’ll just let you go, like I always do.
I’d rather be beaten and bruised,
          scratched and scarred,
                   combusted and cut up.
                             Because these marks will fade
                                      away from me over time.
                                                But the insults sting forever.

                                      I’ll keep your secrets,
                                                But you won’t keep me.
                                                          You­’ve hurt me before
                                                          ­         and I learned from it.
                                                             ­                But I didn’t learn enough
                                                          ­                            to not live the story over
                                                            ­                                    again and again.
You take different forms,
          as a friend, that I trust-
                   as a love, that I lust-
                             as my family, that I must.
                                      Your words stick with me all the same.
                                                And when they seep out as fallen tears,
                                                          ­reminiscences of them will always reappear.

                                                The scars I bear now
                                                          are­ the outcome of
                                                              ­     words and thoughts.
                                                       ­                      And believe it or not,
                                                            ­                          they didn’t hurt
                                                            ­                                  half as bad as the way
                                                             ­                                       you made me feel.
So, sticks and stones may break my bones,
But your words will haunt me forever.

And it’s okay if your heart breaks
If your head aches
If you’d like to take
A stake
And stab the pain away
For another day
If you’re just too tired to pray
I don’t care about hamburger meat
Or white sheets
Wrapped around my frozen feet
I just want to sleep          
But even then
You haunt my dreams
I end up lost
In dark rooms
With feelings of gloom
And so I resume
To try to stay
In a way
That will make you happy
But I don’t care about you
The way you want me to
So gang up on me
Father, brother, stupid boy
There’s still something I’d like to say
To you
So if you find the time of day
To give me a chance
For that romance
We once had in a glance
Before it went away
So take off your pants
Let’s dance
The night into day
The music lets us sway
But I want you to remember
That it’s December
And I am cold: hearted
Not the way
That we started
Back in the month of May
When feelings were gray
When you got on your knees
And begged me to please
Not slip into a drought
And for all this I still shout
Get me the **** out

I Know exactly what got me here.
Don’t Think twice for a second.
Trust Me, when I say I’ll be okay with
Myself Eventually. Right now I feel
Alone There are
Too Many thoughts racing.
Many More than ever before.
Sharp Images.
Things Are shaky, they never seem clear
To The eyes of the beholder.

Cut Out the good,
With Just one try.
Capsules Of happiness
To Make all the nightmares disappear. You just have to
Swallow Back into the real. I’ll tie these feelings with a
String And allow them
To Hold up everything on display.
Tie The knots, and the bows
Around The times, that
My Heart held dear. Like the necklace around my
Neck That I hold when things aren’t clear.

I tripped and fell
Hello dizzy spells
Wait, what the hell?
Wrong side of the road
It’s time to unload
Colors racing everywhere
Never seen a place with so much flare
Halfway around the world
Different lives soon to be swirled
Thankful for the trip
For the piece of mail I didn’t skip
Kick off my shoes
As I soak in the deep blue
What’s up surf boards
And headphone chords
Palm trees
With a warm breeze
Cute boys
And water toys
Tanned and toned,
Leave my thoughts postponed
Rippling tides
And emotional rides
I just decide to close my eyes
Wake up dead,
Sand underneath my head
Breathtaking sights
Crisp warm nights
Sprinkling rain here and there
Sun shining, beach dried hair
Airplane flights
Long nights
Stupid fights
One whole year,
Reached my biggest fear
Wake up at camp
Lick my letter, postage stamp
Come back home
With friends unknown
One drink, I took
One last look
At my best friend
Feelings start to blend
As I lay in the rain
Feeling all the pain
Of saying goodbye
Storm blends in with my cry
More feelings of being alone
What place should I call home?
Learning starts off as a blur
Depressed thoughts mixed with anger
Sweet hello’s fade to bitter goodbyes
Can no longer see the sparkle in your eyes
I don’t remember
Just like fire leaves ember
Up to the month of December
Life kept crashing down
Every smile greeted with a frown
But then I took one more
Before I fell to the floor
Found an old bliss
Something sworn off with a kiss
But you ran out of my life
I picked up the knife
One more inhale,
Ten more new tales
One more large sip,
I begin to get a grip
Of what it’s like to be happy
No more feeling ******
New faces,
New places,
Don’t leave any traces
I dare to rebel
So now I won’t dwell
On my past
On the things that didn’t last
For the millions of reasons
Or maybe the changing of the seasons
From my summer to winter,
This is what comes out of my printer.

Done with you’s and I’s
Expressing my goodbyes
Match box, lit 2
Sworn into by thieves
Foot tapping
Paper wrapping
A pair of boots and
Opening eyes into
A sea of rippling green
Paper cut from
Notebook nightmares
No blood, just sting
Opposite of Friday
Lotsa blood, no sting
We’ll find another way
Mark up body with
One black shape
No shame
One permission
Intermission.

You’re a ******* *******.
I don’t understand why I’m always giving something up
Or changing my ways for other people
When everyone still goes around
And does whatever the hell they please.
No one listens to what I say
Even though I’m always the one who’s open to
Ideas and thoughts other than my own.
I’d love to just go around not giving a crap
About how my actions affect other people.
But for some reason, that’s just not me.
Maybe I bring this on.
I continually let people walk all over me
Expecting, that maybe at some point someone
Will actually show some respect back.
What a joke.
Even the little things, I hold myself back.
But when it comes to someone else,
It’s all about them.
Whatever they want.
**** this. *******. I’m done.
They say, “Nice guys finish last.”
I’m starting to think they just get killed
Before they get the chance to cross the line.

There was snow
There was ice
Then the car spun twice
Saw a couple of trees
My thoughts set free
This is it
To die right here, with you
I’d be alright.

And I found her there
With green eyes and long blonde hair
Laying motionless

Red blood, dead, blood red
And she lay in peaceful pain
But this wasn’t vein

Unpredictable
It could have been tragedy
Her face hints a smile

I stay for a while
Staring at what used to be
Jagged marks on flesh

Her eyes, looking off
To a space, a better place
But her family cries

Not much life had lived
In her poor, helpless body
But it was too late

Lessons went unlearned
And we couldn’t stop her fate
The knife that slit her

Her body quit her
Contents of pills that spilled in
She loved the embrace

I looked at her face
Although dead, she was happy
Underneath bruises

Seeping out in blood
The blade told us her story
Marks for this and that

But she didn’t care
She loved the things she had done
There was something missed

At first when you saw
The scene made you look away
But my eyes had stayed

I saw the beauty
The fragile soul that let go
I took her limp hand

Closed my eyes and prayed
That she had found the place that
She was looking for

And then I saw it
“There’s got to be more than this.”
Carved into her arm

The heated air filled my lungs as I took one step outside
Trees begin on the edges, but slowly start to bend
Inwards towards the center of my yard
I look up and their tangled arms hover above me
Leaving the musty gray clouds to pass on by
Music in my ears, because I do not yet trust where my mind will take me
Twilight approaches as I relax my eyes
            Sweet compromise
Breathe in, breathe out, just like you taught me to
Look up and wonder, how far is forever?
                        And why the hell does my face hold a smile?
Bugs, clouds, trees, wind, and my mind – they all drift
Along with the words that sing along
I declare this place my barefoot, summer sanctuary.

“I want my life back”
No-no-no
I don’t want my life back
I like exactly where it’s spit me out

          “I’m invisible, I always have been, and I always will be”
I’m not invisible
I’m just unseen by those who mean
Absolutely nothing to me

          “I’m a mess of a person, all I make are mistakes”
I am a ******’ hot mess and
The mistakes I make
Lead me to wonderful places

          “I want to die”
**** that.
This life is irreplaceable

I think the worst part about all this boy stuff is that I know I should go for it.
Just take the chance and see what happens.
Because I was down this path before,
and I went for it.
And, it didn't end up with daises and sunshine.
But I tried, and I had fun.
And understood why not after that.

I travel
to places
only I
know of
submerged
astray
encased
my thoughts
take over
every sliver
of my intellect
absorbed
drowned
consumed
I mostly
sit and
wonder if
you're
thinking
of me too
I breathe in
sigh out
and then
journey
slide
drift
off to
a land
where you
are what
I wish
you could
be.

I’ll keep your secrets,
but you won’t keep me.
You’ll spend time with me,
and you’ll tell me promises
that aren’t quite lies, yet.
But I know they will be.
You'll only throw me out,
just leave me standing there.
The lash of words you say
will cut like daggers
straight through me.

But your secrets won’t leak out
and I won’t seek for revenge.
Instead, I let you go.
Knowing full well that you’ll regret
your actions and your crushing words.
I can’t say how long it will
take you to realize it, but you will.
And when you do, you’ll come back,
just like they all do.

You’ll start to express how sorry you are.
For all of the terrible things you said to me.
How I didn’t deserve any of it.
How you were so wrong.
How you hope I’ll forgive you.
And I’ll tell you what I tell the rest.
          It’s fine. It’s just life. I’m not one to hold
          a grudge and I haven’t. Thank you for
          your apology, I really appreciate it.

And we’ll talk for a while;
try to get back to old times.
But it won’t work.
You’ve already hurt me.
And from that I grew, and I learned.
But I didn’t learn enough
to not live the story again and again.

The thing is: I don’t have to be nice.
I could share your secrets with the world.
I could make your life hell,
just like you’ve made mine.
I don’t have to forgive you.
I could hate you.

But that’s not how I am.
And even though time and time again
I go on abandoned and unappreciated
I still swear to keep your secrets safe.
I still meant the statements that followed every “I promise”
And I still care about you.

But not in the same way I used to.
You were still wrong, and now I just wish you the best.

I cut you off because I thought I needed change and
nothing was really helping.  So I decided to go physical, I
needed to see a difference in order to feel a difference.  And if
there’s something I have learned, is that I have always loved
my hair.  Even when I hated everything, it was there for me to
stare & get lost in its tangled colors.
            So maybe I’m silly, and ridiculous, and maybe this is
no big deal… to you.  But to me, I am sad and regret ever
thinking I needed to change myself.  Go ahead and laugh and
taunt and tell me, “It’s just hair.”  I don’t care. I’m not much of
a girly-girl and I don’t give a **** what my hair ever looks like,
at least I didn’t when it was long and luscious.
            It was all in my mind and what now?  Now I’m left
without the comfort of my long blonde locks.  Stuck with this
short, uneven **** and I know what I need to do to fix it.  But
for that I need to cut it more, I dare not, and I also need a
time machine.  To make it grow out, longer, longer, faster,
now!  But now it’s annoying and the stupid kinks are stupid
and dumb.
            And god, so am I.  And yes, I sound like a child.
                        But that’s cool, ‘cuz I am.
Lesson learned.

i used to be confident.
i used to be strong.
now i am nothing.
and everything is wrong.

In a place full of smoke,
They spoke and
Sweet lips touched.
In a room consumed by the dark
A secret sealed and marked,
This is where you stole her heart.
Before they part
The outside submerged with white
One last kiss.
Darling, you'll be missed.
Her heart breaks as she drives away,
She would do anything to stay
With you.
Reminisces of nicotine and love
Stick to the fabric of
Her jacket.
She'll sleep alone tonight
And the next, "Until you and I."
She's never met a smile that felt so right.
Sweetheart, you give her the freedom to fly.
She's not the most gorgeous girl in the world,
But she's got a love in her eyes and
A passion in her soul.
A creative charisma and
The ability to love you unconditionally,
If you'd just let her.
Your simple wink and smirk,
Sends her instant butterflies.
The subtlety of your head resting on her shoulder
Leaves her with a simple satisfaction.
Her comfort rests between your arms.
Whether it be her face upon your chest at night or
Her body clinging tight
While she wraps her arms around you.
She'd do anything
Just to get close to that heart of yours.
Something she's wanted since she was thirteen.
And the distance inbetween doesn't stop her love.
And one day, she'll tell you the story
Of how she fell for you
And how her feelings have always been true.
While under skies of blue,
She's always been wishing for you.

who are you when you close your eyes
when the dark skies take over
the cars loose their zig zags and start to braid
as their lights blend
the strangers of faces pass by
and none of them know your name

who are you when you take that sip
when your mind slips
the memories fade away with the rain
as the bells ring you start to sing
the music is loud
and you don't remember anyone standing there

who are you when you begin to dance
when the eyes of everyone else fall upon you
the music swirls and stirs your brain
as the beat flows through your fingertips
the room closes in
and you are the only one to walk the planet

who are you when you start to sing
when your voice reaches the corners
the world shatters in the palm of your hand
as everything falls into its exact places
the words come together with meaning
and you close your eyes to enjoy the scenery

There are thoughts from my past
That I wish wouldn’t last.
I don’t want you to linger
I just want you to go.
These feelings that stay aren’t fair.
One day I’m fine.
Perfectly over you and feeling divine.
And the next I am crying
Wondering why I can’t call you mine.
You’re such a stranger now and
I don’t know how it ever got this way.
I’m sick of all the familiar faces
In all of these places
That I can’t say hello to
Because I no longer know who
Any of you are.
Not a friend, not a foe.
But to you, I can’t go.
I want to take it all back,
But I know that’s not right
So I lay here every night,
And I decide to fight
The moods that swing by and
The memories that make me cry.
As I keep wondering, “Why?”

i miss the simple things
like a sincere smile
with love behind the eyes
the warm tickle of a touch
and when i could hold hands
the body next to mine as they sit
as they lay
as they are from separate parts of one room
the easy brush of bones as they pass by,
i will never enjoy goosebumbs more
but for now,
it's still wishing, wanting, waiting
yours for the taking.
music in my mind
and blood in my soul
rescue me
whoever you are
wherever you are
i am anticipating your discovery
i miss the simple things,
like watching movies
and eating food
enjoying the company of someone you're fond of
get-to-know-you talks and
discovering the stories of one life
its for the simple things,
i am wishing
for the simple things,
i am wanting
for the simple things,
i am waiting
i am yours for the taking

Oh hell yes
I love this
                    Feeling
Numb
          Exotic
                   Dangerous
          Crazy
One more, one more.
Just give me more.
                   Dance
Dance
          Dance
Until I fall to the floor
                   Slip on ice
Laugh it off
          Fall to the ground
I don’t feel a thing
I don’t feel anything
Except for this
                   Laughter
Excitement
          Silliness
                             Life.
Out of body experience
In my own flesh.
The colors mesh.
The people smile
We sit and enjoy for a while.

Towards the end, I thought it was right
I had known this was coming.
I was over it all; I was fine.
We had moved on, happily,
like nothing even happened to us.
But I remember a time when I broke down
crying because you left school early
for a weekend vacation.
You’re still here in the back of my mind.
I could ask you if you still felt anything,
but that wouldn’t be fair.
Not to you, not to me, not to anyone.
But I wish I could know that you were here…
Just in case…
What if I fall down?
You used to be there to pick me up.
Every time; without hesitation.
Now my safety net is so far away.
It’s tangled and twisted and
there are parts of it missing,
but it also has pieces that you never had.
We still talk as friends do,
but I used to call you “mine”.
After all of my world came down,
    there you were,
        still next to me,
            still smiling.
And now you’re gone.
Every time I see you
I hope you know what I’m feeling inside.
I used to say everything
and if I didn’t you would pry it out of me.
Now I say nothing.
You don’t ask, I don’t tell,
the words just stick in my mind.
I smile when we talk.  
I know it because once you walk away
my frown seems so much stronger.  
I’ve made such a mess of everything.
My thoughts consume me,
but you already knew that.
I’m scared right now.
What if I messed up?
Big time.
I’m mostly afraid that
I’m actually admitting these words-
even more so: on paper.
I don’t know what to do with myself.
I never did.
You didn’t know what to do with me either.
I don’t blame you.
I look back on it now,
surprised with how long you stuck around.
I was such a miserable person,
you were my only good.
When it was over,
neither of us went through pain,
at least, I don’t recall it.
I didn’t think I needed it then,
but now I know I do.
I need some kind of closure.
Do you still think about the good times?
    Just like I do?
Do you miss the things that used to be ours?
    I know I do.I wish I could know what you felt
when we spoke, or when you saw my smile.
Because I know a part of me is vulnerable
to you when I see that grin.
You know, I still think we were great.
Don’t get me wrong, I am happy.
There are things that are going well,
and that I wouldn’t change.
But when I see all that,
it makes me wonder even more-
why I still need you.
Why do I want you to be my backup?
When my mind wanders off and
I picture my future,
why do I still fit you into it?
I guess, emotionally,
I never worked well alone.
The last time I actually was…
You and I both know;
I wouldn’t make it out alive.
Maybe I just desire that something about you.
But I guess, what I’m trying to say, is that;
You know I miss you… right?