counting you down -
you are my
noun
& I'd rather be
honest with you
than to be
loud
let us be
calm
  let me
renounce
I took you home with me
into my house
I am still
in love with you
inside my mouth
& you should still
belong with me
ignoring miles

she chewed through my ribs
& attached me to wings

subsistent, pretending
I don't need a thing

she pushed through my body
propelling a shriek

her hand fits me close
& her sleep fit my sheets

but I'm done with she's perfect
I'm shrinking in blinks
& I'm sick of this
balancing stilts built on dreams

& I've stopped all this tripping
my shoes are on tight
but I'll  
fall asleep
hoping
you slept good tonight

learning that love is
no more than in moments
I couldn't trade ours
so I frame them in poems

& I've turned down the Joni
turned down the heat
you left on my tongue
you poured
to my feet

I'm starting to see
I have
been-seeing-strings
& I hate that I hate now
believing in things

but I love to remember
& I'm starting to think
that all through these nights
& with every drink
that I still sink for you
& get weak just breathing

I like to
sit with it in days
that way
I'm not driven insane

& you're so easy to remember
the way I love you like winter
you're early November

but those are only seasons
and seasons
they pass
& I'm sad but
so grateful
slow memories last

I won't bash or
be hateful
I like what we had

You held
my hand and my head
& I'm okay with that

I didn't -
fall out of love
I tumbled, backward;
overly-tired
chocking on Z's
and poetry:
my, indecent way of
overexposing my
love for you
and
no one likes to be embarrassed
but
I'd rather be that than
without you
so I tortured myself
I strangle my own neck
over and over again
with palms that
want nothing to do with me;
I'd rather
fall asleep
under water
than
breathe this way
*anymore

what's life
but
p i l e s  of
memory-adding-distraction;
distracting how to
react
when all of these
memories try & attack them ||
now
we are
forgetting forgetting
is easy
like
adding and
halving up
decimal fractions

I'm crawling through
spaces
smaller than me
& I'm stealing
deep breaths
when it gets
too hard to
breathe
I've fallen too fast
made a fool out of speed
& found
you'd never match
the love
I have for *me