deciphering
the lies between
the lines that we've made up;
how love is blind
gets left behind
I've given my eyes up

to look at you
will never do
the sight it
plights my mind

I've forgotten why I love you
but the feeling stays alive

returning to the bathtub
or the
pillow painted black
to drink the jars of whiskey
till my reasons all come back

I won't have you
always busy
not even evening calls
I remember the name of your sister
I've got no pride to exclaim us
I assume you to care less
you're heavier than tomorrow
I submit the same paper
professing how my skin went with you
you move away from me with a sword behind you
what are you so afraid of
believing
you're good
how can you bare to admit it?

i drank all
this
whiskey
to
forget about you;

there isn't a
sip
that does not
burn or
give me goosebumps

just like you

& now i'm so,
completely
*******

I fell for you
like i'd been dropped
& what a mess i've made
of myself

I should have to
apologize to my lungs
for ever needing
my heart to breathe;

I've been deceived
by my own beating

i'd
ripped up a list
with some
things that i've written
things I have gripped
to survive

a fish made of glass
that's been
swimming in madness
constantly
swallows her pride

salt water drips
from her lids
to her lips
drying ripples on
both of her thighs

but there's something
about mornings &
loving that woman
that keeps me up
most of the night

I've been choking from the moment
I was forced to let you go
I should have spoke it out of poems
so that you would ever know
that I am bowing out & broken
want to unlearn every bone
until my heart re-bleeds the reasons
I keep sleeping here alone

so won't you
untie all my finger-tips
& hand me back my lungs
I was the fool that glued my heart to you
please can't you see what you have done ?

exhausted by the nights & dawn
that break me over you

I've tried a thousand times and still
there's nothing I can do

I've skipped the songs
& cursed your arms
I burn inside my sleep;
to wake now wearing scars
from break-neck-love
made urgently

the truth in me
I'll never speak
of love that wouldn't keep;
my bones they lay
upon the stage
get played with bows of grief

the cellist stripped my ribs
a trick to twist in perfect fifths
& I admit, a love like this
a pain I cannot quit