Had I used half the wit I get from my mother, I wouldn't have crowned you with every ounce of my mouth or crawled, calling you the Queen in the kingdom under my covers

I'm doomed if I do
god dammed if I don't

cheers to the demons clinking my cup;
still ******* the one's who won't

don't plunge me

grown sick of the ocean

if mouths told the truth,
I would not live in this dungeon

okay, you plunged me, big deal

somehow you expect me to chew on those lips & somehow sit still ?

get real
you get real

cause I'm as real as it gets
I've got patience for days  
**but I am non-vacant for regret

I'm finished in this spitting divinity down thankless throats

suspending what love you chose to dose for me, hung over my hope

I'm feeding off trees in this jungle of uniform stillness; darling say something.

be not in-cautious with me
please
it is my plea
I cannot stop this loving you
but I can break myself free

it is at night that it bites me
memories like fleas
the battle against drinking my way under sheets to find peace

I waste myself on the outflank of love
I as in I to me
I cannot torture us anymore
I need to be loved without the bleed

love, the ultimate expense.

in reviewing my statement in the value of memory and regret. loss, lying and this incessant lying down. the torture of wonder of other of her, that & before. numbers couldn't explore this debt with any equation other than patience and those letters devour the tables of multiplication in the repetitive puddles I sat and sipped from, in desperate bowls.
my same mouth, changing shape, the geometry of lips, count my teeth, thighs against cheeks, finding sides, counting down heart beats. press rewind, press my split. divide belief and get the meaning of y I do this to myself. no, love is not free. it is the disease in which I've married & will spend my entire life in debt.

tried to sit with it
ended up on the far end of the bench
clenching my
unclench these
empty fists
hands laced with could
but not full up

crowing;
I'm crowing this
woman's name
this woman I
this and I
not as us

the brain of the dog
can sense the rain
the heart of the horse
that laps at your face

outstretched arms of quiet drenched in sentiment, drenched in sentences, dripping through my mornings. spilling that tar from the lung's lies, spilling salt and honey
honey and spit
dancing heavy
spooning sweat
not being let

could you speak up
say yes
I'm not ready to give you up quite yet

I am ashamed of my love for you
when all of the earth is denied
but without you

(& oh, how I live without you)

I am compiled
I'm:
undersupplied

sleeping beside
a mirage of sleeping next to you
this constant reprieve

I'm being denied response
denied life
denied pride
self deprived
watch me, deny grief
I deny I
so many times
like time denies life
then I deny me

oh
p l e a s e

have me
so I can find *s l e e p

love is
it is;
it's
to wish you
well-off
not to dissolve

while melting
and honey,
I'm melting

why can't I
can't I
can't
I can't
catch this
catch my
gasp, ******
this breath

why can't I have it ?
I've had it
with
astronaut emotion
head in outer space
what goes up
must come down

but I've been

d
o
w
n

drowned & coming up for air
at the last second to explode
the need to inhale
something
you or air

I c a n n o t decide which feels better