these people and their problems
these women and their bodies
my mouth is a circus
my head is in the clowns
and
I'm holding you steady as to shoot
my love for you's on a noose
but not you
you're holding me loose
a still-life painting of some fruit
but
what
is
this fruit
without any juice
what is the use
tell me, what is the use
            
*?

count on me for something
let my hands be what you need
a jar of stars I pulled for you
revealing colours never seen  
I fought the sky
a thousand times
I argued with the Moon :
"the dark surrounds us all my love,
it does not  belong to you"

these stars, they are not promises
this light it was not free

I stole from constellations
I caused Venus to scream  

I've been talking in my sleep at night
& I've fallen in the shower
I've cursed through drunken verses
& tore through fields of broken flowers

so put those stars where they belong
& please have mercy on these hours
the math it takes to have you back
has me counting crooked;
*backwards

when did "love"
suddenly become
such difficult a means
days with dented ribs
making it hard for me to breathe
when all at once
so easily
it got handed straight to me
impossible is the grab now
confusing youth with
being free
& I haven't any fight
left inside of me
I cannot chase you on my knees
my dear
I owe this love zero more fees
if it is mine then I shall have it
if it is not, then you must leave
I cannot play
a n y m o r e
guessing-games
praying you still *remember me

waking up is always the same
one lonely body
in her garden of graves
my heat is just that
my heat
my dreams are still mine
just because you haunt them -
a reminder to dread nothing
no toothless lion
clawless beast
I'll fly from your split
jolts, I never come back from
I don't believe in reach
not unless I am shown stretching
arms do not speak
but they release
it's been done
& done & done to me
freed, "you are safer like this"
loveless lips, the only ones I see
& feeding from the tips of a liar's teeth  
fed until I depended on it
then thrown into a gust
I'll fly far away from you;

& hopefully soon
when enough is e n o u g h

my instincts will kick in

when I fell for you
I handed you my feet
that night in the city
my lips forgave ****** down Haight street
we searched for cigarettes
I slammed to my knees
I still can't believe you were right there with me
I found your mouth
your hands
my hands
your back (I want you back)
& you
you
with all my attention, darling
I watched you ride off with it
I watched your eyes
I watched you leave
you took my bones and breath
I'm a paper bag
I am just dead leaves
useless as wreaths
and I'll sit
i'll stay, a good girl
a good girl
I'm great at waiting
Patient like the dead
a professional faker
& suddenly yours, nonetheless

I sing, you sleep
across my knees
my little queen
you're almost three
the sweetest thing I've ever seen
you don't know what you mean to me
we read, preparing you to dream
you hold my hand
& tell me things
I'm teaching you
but you teach me
I've learned more from you than anything
five more minutes in my lap
you laughed after the fish-kiss smacks
& your smile drifts you off to sleep
leaving this room is the hardest thing

they call me: gypsy, runner, thief
be you my gold, my feet, my greed

meet me on streets
we have not seen
unwarrant wants, deep breaths, relief

I will not front;
give you my teeth

we're breaking rules, my dear
we're weak

I am not yours

o b v i o u s l y

claim me
this own
without defeat

I'm chasing dreams
but i don't sleep

my pillow smells like you
like need

so lost behind
what I can't seek

f i n d i n g that time holds no belief

that I was freed
c u r i o u s l y

I watched you leave my street
quickly

that I should wait
so p a t i e n t l y

to bring your body back to me

I will not beg
I wouldn't plead

but I would have you still believe
you'd still have me if you should leave

should you come back I would agree

for you i'd gather everything
not rings, but things that you might need

I'd love you deeper than the sea

in love with you , i am
*a l r e a d y