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Julie Butler Jan 2015
here I
lie on my back
this ceiling (white)
is my sky tonight
alone
my legs whisper
what I do not need to hear
from my toes to to my thighs
i try
to peel you away
from staying too late
inside of my brain
cause I need sleep honey
I need a lot of things
mostly string
so i can tie my bells to you
that way i'll know when you're close
because lately
you show up out of no where
&oh; how you l i n g e r
you'd think
somehow
I'd had you before
the way that I want you right now
but that doesn't matter
i'm just a scatter at night time
I'm wasting time on paper
and usually I can figure out what to do
but not like this
cause she has what I want
what I silently love
my useless truth
darling
i'm blue
because I have your attention
but she;
she has you
drained
Julie Butler Jan 2015
Keep it to yourself
I yelled
from the top of that hill
slow down heart
be quiet;
be still
you beat & you jump
please refuel these old lungs
maybe not with that taste
I've become too fond of
like liquor
like ***
a name burns up my tongue
now I run
& I run
to the front of my dungeon
I tried burning you out
but my thoughts of you flooded
I'm up to my chin
drowning slowly
I see it
It just isn't that easy
to ignore what I'm feeling, seeing
I could not breathe when I saw it
& then it knocked me off my feet
like there were bombs
in my carpet
heavy honey
Julie Butler Jan 2015
s o m e t i m e s
late at night
while I'm gawking at the sky
I make up spells with the stars
I play your face in my mind
and with your chains I am guided
through space & inside time
there is a life wherein you're mine
a silent light behind my eyes
it does the opposite of blind
& I am enlightened by this find
I say your name quite q u i e t l y
that even the birds feel so inclined
that i'm reminded of your smile
every time I watch them fly
you're like a diamond in a dream
that shines inside of wind-chimes
playing songs during my sleep
my own *r o m a n t i c
lullaby
the brightest beam I've ever seen
you belong beside the sky
& sometimes
just s o m e t i m e s
things aren't always as they seem
you know you can't say that to me
for I know exactly what i've seen
try and do what is best for you
Julie Butler Jan 2015
duplicated hills
spilling thrills upon water
I watched the sun go down
I watched the bay change
& I wondered
why do i drive late at night
just to be all alone
get me away from this bridge
& take me back home
I'm spilling my guts tonight
& I don't care who sees it
I have enough on my plate
to feed every beast needing
I wish I could spin this wheel
& flip me around
park my car in your yard
in your bed I'd lay down
but I cannot tonight
my thoughts are all slipping
but i think I've grinned enough
to sleep tight where i'm living
there is a chance this night
to see your sweet face
if i could just close my eyes
& sleep now
to not waste
another second
being selfish
in writing this out
i wish to wake up with you
i n s t e a d  o f
face down
now i can sleep
Julie Butler Jan 2015
It's cold outside
but I refuse to go in
the moonlight gets me high
and the wind coats my skin
with a presence
a present
i'm presently in
i'd like to forget you sometimes
but the stars
outline your bends  
and I defend my every whim
with uncertainty i'm sure
I don't know what you think about
with spells I burn your thoughts of her
I stay unsure
I am not yours
sometimes I sleep through dreams I was
some nights I fight a tired mind
& wake up screaming, just because
I do not know
I will not know
until you open up your mouth
until we're standing chest to chest
like this I'm doomed to leave the south
1:18am
Julie Butler Jan 2015
Hey Time,
just this once
could you do me a favor ?
maybe take the night off;
I can explain my disclaimer
you've just been moving so fast
& I want back what I came for
they say you go on without us
so what the hell do we stay for ?
it's like every single second
draws a line by my mouth
I'm not the type to sit and waste you
but I've seen the work that you're about
I'm not saying that I doubt you
but you're showing me no light
I sit in the dark surrounded by
your wisps & ticking every night
i'm frightened by you, Time
you give me no guidance
instead you torture my mind
& brightly blind me with defiance
you've tried to take what was mine
when your minutes started flying
I wasted a year ignoring that
& found the opposite of silence
So i'm begging you tonight
to hand me only what I came for
press your pause button, please
so I can slowly stop the pain
for just tonight
it's all I ask
a favor easily returned
you give me back my life
I promise you
my soul you will have earned
to waste is not tasteful
Julie Butler Dec 2014
Hating the time difference as usual
Usually just
Un using things
Not really thinking about importance and
Disproving what's changed
It's strange
It's deranged
Intangible
or is
Nothing the same
still I'm grateful
Anything with your name is
Delicious it's
Served at my table
It burns holes in my grace like
We're so unattainable
But I'm so
righteously grateful
for every single word being tasted
like maple
Like syrup
I wanna pour you up
and out
sweet substance
Cut you up with my fork
you disturb meals like
you've been in my mouth
With
Forgets and what torments
everything from lint to fabric
I might wear you but
you, you're still absent
and I'm inadequate
I'm chasing dreams of your necklines
I'd like to relate the responsibility of trying to describe your face
But that's impossible
You're so gorgeous it's like forcing everyone to burn holes inside of trouble
It's like trying to relate these things publicly
try and explain what's important
When all i want is to try to say you're important to me

But you won't hear it
You're too young so you
Do what you want and I
Just lay down
Bite my tongue & I
Retry to say words that might strike you
Instead
Pretend my mouth might
Bite into your neck
That you might let me
Kiss all of the skin
stretching from your head to your knee caps
Make you relapse from my lap
to your shoulders
We are holy
I am yours, girl
You no longer need that discloser
& if you'd decide to be mine
I'll have you wake up adored
and I'll hold every single word.
and no matter what goes on in this world
I just want to rock yours  
and anyway
hey;
We might be worlds away
but i'm not use to being stopped
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