I miss you already and you’ve only left my life since yesterday

I know the truth that’s deep inside of me, I know who he is, the one that haunts my dreams.

I know the man I created in my dreams is, I just didn’t want to admit it.

I just can’t admit it in the waking world because no matter what I do, nothing will ever change.

But I can’t keep it in anymore, it’s sending me in a dark world where only I exist.

It’s as if my subconscious also knows that this secret I carry all alone is for me only.

I know that much. And I wish things could be different.

I live in a world where it’s normalized when my friends and families other half to be jealous of every single person.
My younger sister can’t be trusted to be alone with me otherwise we’re automatically out drinking, I don’t even drink.
My eldest brother can’t come visit me in my new home because I have a very good female friend who lives with me, I moved in just down the road.
It felt so normal that my ex wouldn’t let me come home to see my family without him because he didn’t trust me, he thought I would go sleep with someone else.
Why isn’t there any trust in my world? I broke up with my ex over the fact he could not trust me.
And I’m afraid to enter another relationship where trust won’t be given at all.

Loving a narcissist is a mistake I will never make again.

For I now know the fine line between a good time and a good soul.

You most certainly can’t mistake the two, even though somehow I did.

Never again, will I ever let him in.

She doesn’t hurt as much anymore, two months had passed by so quickly.

She misses him but not enough to let him back into her life.

She’s happier without him.

I say I miss ***, but what I really miss is the moments leading up to ***. The slow kisses that turn into passion and lust, rubbing your hands anywhere on their body because you just need to feel closer to them, I miss the quiet moments where you’re taking off each other’s clothes and you just have to stare into their eyes for a brief moment, never wanting that moment to end.
I say I miss sec but I also mean after ***, when you’re lying there with your other half. Some parts of your body is sore and tender, you feel the release of your pent up energy leave your pores and you lay there pressed to the person, you decide that their nakedness is the warmest feeling in the world.
I say I miss *** but that would be a lie. I miss being in love the most.

I wonder if the pain would still remain if I could forget he ever existed in my life?

Would my heart still bleed if I just simply forgot about him?

Would the pain be the same but I wouldn’t know where it came from?