I remember the nights of crying myself to sleep because of him, because I had missed him greatly and because I didn’t want to let him go

but I found weakness in missing him but also found strength in letting him go

and life has been better since

I could write about the pain, write about how much it hurts and how endless it feels

but

today, I’m going to write about the happiness I’m starting to feel, how free I’m beginning to feel, how much I’ve smiled since eight this morning and that’s all that matters in the end.

The road to healthy is messy, but worth it, when you look back and seen how far you’ve come.

It gives you the strength to keep pushing forward.

I love you, but I know, I have to let you go.

Moments, the good moments I had with him. The times where we would be awake late at night just talking about our childhoods and our plans for the future. The times where I would roll over in the morning and kiss him. The times where we would stand in the shower just kissing and being with each other. The times where I would run my hand through his hair while he slept on my chest. The times where we would be laughing until we can’t breathe. The time where we smiled in silence as we both said we loved each other.
All those heartbreakingly moments, I want nothing more, than to forget.

I smile, and I laugh. Often. I feel bursts of excitement and I laugh until my stomach hurts. I can find humour in everything, I make jokes. I feel relaxed and comfortable.

But when it’s time to go home and I settle in bed, the smile fades away and the loneliness seeps in.
I cry, and I feel like my chest is contracting instead my chest. I feel my gut twisting in sadness and anxiety. My thoughts run wild with anything. I let the tears fall freely. I feel alone and empty.

I crave just to see you once more, to hear your voice once more, to feel your touch once more, to gaze into your eyes once more.

But I also know, that it will never be enough for me, because I’ll keep wanting ‘once mores’

I know I need to let you go now and learn not to crave for your return.