I want to forget him altogether, so that this pain will not swallow me whole.
Maybe if I go to bed, I’ll wake up forgetting all about him.
But, how is that possible when he exists in my dreams as well?
At the end of the day, after the long phone conversations and paragraphs of messages, I stand alone. Barely standing.
My heart has been ripped out of my chest but I still found it in me to wish him well, wish him happiness, wish him a good life.
And that’s the difference between someone who loves the other more.
I want to disappear in my sadness. Maybe then. I can say I’m okay.

And still, he will be okay, he will be perfect as he always is.

And I’ll be here, unmoved and frozen in the sound of his ‘i love you’

Why wasn’t I enough for him to want to be better?

I don’t want to have to start over
I don’t want to meet someone else
I don’t want to have to let someone else in
I don’t want to let another man touch me
I don’t want to think about spending time with someone else
I don’t want to smile at someone else
I don’t want to fall in love with someone new
I don’t want to because I only want you, all of you, but is that reality?

He hit me when he said he wouldn’t, I won’t ever remember a time where his hands were once so gentle along my face that it made my heart beat so fast that I felt like I was going to cry from the overwhelming love I had held for him.

All I feel is pain inside, a rolling thunderstorm, an endless dark night in the seemingly endless ocean, I seen the anger flash in his eyes that once held nothing but love for me.

My heart aches so wildly that I feel like it’s going to explode from that feeling alone.

What did I do to deserve this?

I knew I had loved him more when I couldn’t dream of hurting him in the way he has hurt me and that was my downfall.

How come when people say they don’t want to hurt you, end up hurting you the most?

You told me once that you’d always be there for me. The both of you but where are you two now?

Please don’t ever come back. I’m just learning to figure out how to be ok without you two in my life.

You stare into my empty eyes, there is no light left in them.

My skin is cold to the touch, no longer able to hold the warmth you once gave me.

You speak to me, your voice no longer soothing to my soul, too many angry words had ruined the place that was meant for you.

We were once pure and passionate now in the aftermath is agony and pain.

You desperately try to reach out to me but you’re met with silence, I have nothing left to give you.

You took all of it, all of me. There is nothing but an empty body of a girl who once had such a bright outlook on love.