In a parallel universe, you and I are meeting for the first time, outside some hotel you’re at and I’m getting out of the vehicle, and our eyes meet for the first time, a shy smile splitting on both of our faces.
In a parallel universe, you have my face cupped in your hands, you telling me that you love me for the first time and me saying it back with so much conviction before you give me our first shared kiss.
In a parallel universe, we can’t keep our hands off one another, laughing and sharing kisses as we lay together in bed for the first time.
In a parallel universe, we both wake up after the first night spent together in each others arms, soft kisses are shared, soft whispers of how much we love each other as we’re wrapped in our own universe. Our own world. Where only you and I exist.
In a parallel universe, we spend the entire day together, your hand always finding my own to hold, you catching me staring at you for no reason but the fact that I love you so much.
In a parallel universe, you give me your heart and I give you mine.
In a parallel universe, there are no goodbyes, only good nights and good mornings.
In a parallel universe, we share a lifetime of firsts and share a life time of lasts before we both cross over to the afterlife, where we wait for one another.
In a parallel universe, we are happy and we are whole and we are us.

I don’t feel quite alright, won’t get to hold her curly fur in my arms anymore

Bury my face into her neck

I just feel disassociated with life itself right now

Which way is up? Which way is down?

Why did I try and go to someone I know isn’t around

I feel even more lonely than I did before

Perhaps it’s all my fault since I opened the door

The door to my heart, if you’re wondering what

I don’t know what the **** was that

so fragile I feel right now but I must go on, I can’t be left alone

I’ll carry my grief and learn to live with it, as I did with other things in my life.

It is hard to keep it all in when it feels like it’s constantly swirling inside of you, creating hurricane forces so strong that you feel as if the pain will tear you apart

I’m unsure of the life I’m chasing, this doesn’t feel quite like me, nothing I can think of doing in this small little town does.

I long to rest my eyes on the different cultures and people of this world.

I feel like I’m chasing dreams while I sleep, I sleep so often to escape from a life I’m tired of living.

But at the same time I am so content and comfortable, what kind of dilemma am I in?

I will never be enough will I?

I will always just be the one who was ‘just enough’ or ‘almost’

I will never be their first pick, I’ll be picked because I was the last one who was desperate enough to stay.

I will forever be just the person who has never been enough and that *****.

It makes me not want to be involved with anyone.

It makes me want to remain alone for the rest of my days.

I won’t entrap anyone in a terrible life with me.

I won’t force anyone to be with me.

I would rather spend a lifetime alone than to let someone step into this misery.

I put my feelings out there for you to know, for you to react to.

Instead all I got is the answer I needed to know, time to let you go.

This tiresome circle we keep going through, is finally going to end.

I love you, but you don’t feel the same way.

And truth is,

their effort is their answer

but another truth is,

your silence is your reply

will you be the beggar or will you get the last laugh?

I feel torn in half,

there’s two of me inside my body, both who crave two completely different things

two things I still don’t know how to mange to get

the brighter side of me, she’s a crazy outgoing woman

she wants to see every peak of this world and then to do it all again twice

she wants to dance in a club with music she has never heard of but it makes her sway her hips anyway,

she wants to constantly be on the move

she wants to find people who will love her all over the world, she wants to put her feet in every ocean

she wants a lifetime to be alone and not be lonely.

then there’s a the warmer comfortable side of me, she craves to want to wake up every morning with her husband while her children jump on the bed to get in between the both of them on Saturday mornings

She wants family camping trips and weekly dinners with the love of her life

She wants to build a steady home, grow roots, something she’s never had

she wants to learn how to make all sorts of things and cook big family dinners

she wants to go to every baseball game, every ballet recital, every competition, then to go home to her kiss her husband who makes her feel alive

she wants to be in love with love again, she wants nothing more than for someone to sweep her off her feet and make a home with her

what path do I choose?