There's nothing so unnerving that turns my stomach more
Than insults to the purpose that you were crafted for


Believing you are useless and letting that sink in
Penetrates much more than just the layers of your skin  


The thoughts that slept inside you were shaken from their sleep
And moved at the commandment you uttered through your teeth


So now they walk before you, directing every step
Gathering the people that swallow up your breath


Soon there'll be an army that marches on in lines
Connected at the tailbone, the bases of their spines


The coma they'd evaded was one that they induced
A spirit that convinced them that they were mass produced

I manipulated hearts today-
Without guilt I was in control
and it felt good.

With my own hands
I cut them,
With my own hands
I felt them,
With my own imagination
I twisted them until they fit just right.
Just like placing stars in
the magic of the night.

I cut out paper hearts today,
Twenty four of them.
It all seemed perfect,
One heart for every hour-
In a day,
That we're apart.

I moved them,
The hearts,
And shaped them-
And spread them apart,
Like time zones between here,
And Australia.

If only there wasn't a time zone bewteen us,
If only there wasn't your destiny and mine-
If somehow these hearts could beat together;
The rhythm to a love song-
But they cannot...

They're paper thin
hoping to win,
The hands of someone
to hold them.

I've made graphs,
charts & labels
I've taken tests,
quizzes, solved
equations with
functions & facts
& limits & rules
& statistics
I've put commas
where commas
go, I've used
all of the laws
of punctuation

But I still don't know why it is that I am *me.

When home feels like
a hotel and
forcing water down
like its wine in a glass,
warmed by a MDF fireside-
you know your real bed
is a world away.

Cars that laugh
wait at the lights,
as they become
just another set of traffic,
set into the night-time tarmac.

Sometimes I turn it into a game to see how many boys will promise to teach me how to swim, since my swimming lessons never stuck and I never bothered to learn when I grew enough to touch the bottom of my aunt's pool with my tippy-toes. Sometimes I like to count on my hands how many times I've been told that I'd be taken ice-skating in the winter and that, because my body is like a ballerina's and I can't dance, maybe I can skate and be brilliant at it. I've never seen a panda bear in real life, although we had made plans to go to the zoo over the summer. Skinny dipping is still only a silly idea to me since the water was "too cold" and "we might get caught." The movie Pulp Fiction was skipped for ***. So was the trip to the mall, playing video games, talking. My sister taught me how to ride a bike. I want to thank her.

Twin peaks pierce the sky
air of my reality twines
around their reaching heights

Eddies of stone slip under
my breath-blown snow
and winding clouds slide
into each fold and crevice
as I search for the path to
fiery gold striations
living in the center seams

But I have to breathe
and the caverns give way
to narrow passages
that condense my breath
suffocating into stillness

Do not stand at my grave and weep..
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awake in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft star-shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry..
I am not there. I did not die.