*****.
and how it smelled on your breath,
it was a miracle if the scent didnt linger,
within closed walls,
tight spaces,
they scare me to this very day,
all because of how you became,

Fights,
fought to near death,
I remember you with a knife in your hand,
threatening to end it for yourself,
as well as him,
there was anger in your voice,
behind your drunken slur,

All I could do was watch,
helpless and scared,
I was only 5 at the time,
No Wait! Younger
I was no more than 3 and a half or 4, yet, the memories, they don't leave me,

There was no mommy to run to,
she was the one creating all the fuss,
and, daddy...
well, he was already gone,
kicked out for my mothers selfish reasons,
she claims he hit her,
but my dad? no,  he would never,
(despite his tempter)

People are quick to wonder,
why I am the way I am,
Always forgives,
but extremely hesitant to trust,
ever again...
It has always been a problem I've had,
never thought to solve it,

Thats what happens,
when you grow up too quickly,
surrounded by violence and promises,
that only turned into lies,
as time  went by,

No babygirl,
mommy hasn't been drinking,
she's just tired,
Yeah Right
Wasn't that what you said the last time,
I caught you in a lie,
when I found the liquor bottles,
stashed in the cabinets,
you said you wanted to change,
For me
For Family
For Everybody
But I find it impossible to leave,
as I sit with my recollection of childhood memories
*worth forgetting

little dark girl with
kind eyes
when it comes time to
use the knife
I won't flinch and
i won't blame
you,
as I drive along the shore alone
as the palms wave,
the ugly heavy palms,
as the living does not arrive
as the dead do not leave,
i won't blame you,
instead
i will remember the kisses
our lips raw with love
and how you gave me
everything you had
and how I
offered you what was left of
me,
and I will remember your small room
the feel of you
the light in the window
your records
your books
our morning coffee
our noons our nights
our bodies spilled together
sleeping
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
who made me laugh
again.
little dark girl with kind eyes
you have no
knife. the knife is
mine and i won't use it
yet.

All I can do is sit here and complain to my self
Letting the anxiety build up as the children cry
My mom not giving to **** about anything any more
Every one blaming me
And I guess they are right
It’s all because of me.

I try not to cry as they tell me how I don’t do **** around the house
Even though my hands are dry from washing all the dishes
And my back aches from caring my little sister till she falls asleep
But I am still “heartless and would let every one die”
Or at lest that what my father says  

All I can do is sit here and let them abuse me
Because if I speak up I would be a bad daughter
So I sit and wait for the day that I can stand be brave…..

There's not a woman so mean that she can't be loved.
It just takes a little patience.

And we know patience is a virtue.

There's not a broken heart that can't be healed.
It just needs a little healing.

For once it is.
Love will appears.

For when you see pain.
You feel it.
And concentrate on it.

But when you have love.
Many decides to run from it.
Without ever trying to receive the feelings.

A touch, a kiss, a hug.
Express so much more than warmth.
It also delievers the message of love.
If it's from someone you love.

To some she was the most beautiful woman in the world.
Until, they found she had a terrible attitude.
Then she became unbearable.
But she's still the type many guys want.

She knows it.
She enjoy it.
Which goes to show us that many man would love anyone.

They spoil her.
When she doesn't deserves to be.
They love her.
When she's totally mean.
To them she's a living dream.

She knows it.
She enjoy it.
Which says a lot about us.
About the choices we chose to lov.

Looks dictates many things.
Even, if she doesn't have a smart sense brain.