The Grave is hard to find
so many of them all identical.
I sit down next to you for our chat.
Sis its mothers day
I was just thinking about you.
How you used to bring your kids
to visit their single uncle
.
Your old station wagon
Pulled to halt in my driveway.Sis.
Your five children fall out
of its rusted doors.
shouting and laughing.
Backfiring as you turn
off the noisy engine.

You slipped ghostlike
from the driver's seat
After five hours of driving
In a bedlam of children’s noise.
you looked so slight and frail
The very sight of you Sis,,
Melted my heart again.

You tell me your husbands left you.
And you have nowhere to live.
I enfold you in my arms
And whisper you always
have a place to live in my house
And in my heart honey

We have lost you now sis
The crab sign won that battle
Don't worry honey
The kids are fine with me.
They started calling me dad
Over a year ago.

They are great kids Sis.
You must be so proud
watching them from heaven

Angel is fifteen now
she looks just like you sis
I look at her sometime
And mouth out your name.

No I never did get Married Sis.
Don't pretend you never knew
I was gay .

I must go fix the kids dinner
Honey I will be back to see you soon.

I love you Sis
I always will

Within the night an angel calls
In darkest sleep the shadow falls
In breathes of slumber they appear
as though they always were so near.

Lost memories haunt in cracks of light
Finding the saddest tears in dark of night.
Your fingers tingle upon my skin
As again the memories begin.

Let me pass this darkest scene
whispering words you did not mean
Just kiss me deeply once again
And let me drown in cruelest pain.

Birthdays and forevers

Jude writes as a woman again

Its my birthday
40 *** no not that age.
I turn In the bed the lounge lizard I met at the bar
last night wants one more go at me.

I tell him I need to take a call my mom
she calls me first on my birthday its a ritual.
She says her friend is coming in from Columbus Ohio
She has her son with her
she wants me to join them for dinner tonight
give them  a California welcome.

I went,
mom gave me
the men don't marry easy women speech
and told me she could see my *******
through my blouse.
I was ready for the boring night
of platitudes from moms friend.
But it was then I met him.

He was so beautiful
why do the young
have  to  be  So ******* beautiful.
He noticed my *******
I think he was fascinated by me
to my shame I flirted with him.
We went outside
I lit a joint and we shared it.

How. Old are you I asked
Old enough
  he said and held my gaze.
I took him home and ****** him
it was beautiful
not like the bar trash I usually got.
I wanted to give him everything.

My mom was mad the next day.
She said leave him alone he's only 23
But I didn't
I wanted to undress for him again.
And I did.

He would not go back home east
with his mother?
In truth I wanted him to stay
I let him stay at my place.
I never do that

I have not found anyone in ten years
I wanted to spend even  a weekend with.
But he touched me, deeply,
So ******* innocent
I gave him everything.

He had no job or money.
I found him playing Nintendo
after work and drinking my beer and wine.
He was a bit intoxicated one night
and I got mad and threw him out.

He phoned me twenty times a day
So I let him back
I undressed  for him as always
and he took me to the Bed
He had no condoms
but I Had missed him so much
I just wanted him.

It was eight weeks later
I realized I was pregnant?
Young guys like him
are full of fast moving fishes.
I sent him away back to Columbus
He was crying
and told me he loved me.
But I could not trap him
to parenting a baby.

A year later he
He was outside my door
he said he loved me
and couldn't live without me.
I tried to stop him coming in
but his beautiful eyes got me again

I undressed for him
and we made love on the bed.
The baby awoke in the next room
And he went in to see her.
He looked up at me
and he knew ...he knew

He said nothing
and picked up our daughter
holding her close to his heart.
He kissed her head
and comforted her,
Its alright honey
daddy's here
he whispered to the child

A year later

Our  second child
was born two weeks ago
hes a beautiful boy.
He has his father's eyes.

As for me,
I found my soulmate
nobody ever said
he had to the same age.

The butterfly rest on my arm
Can its stubborn strength
save the world?
Is it touching
everyone and everything
With its butterfly effect.?

Or can it just save me?
From my desires.
From my needs and lust.
From my loneliness and despair.
Like the warmth
of a perfumed dreamed embrace
In the cold darkness of night.

Can it end the burning cauldron
Of intensity
inside my wounded chest?
This aching
This burning desire.
This smoldering fire.
This latent heat.
This lonely heart.

Memories and dreams
Fall down from the skies
Shapes of old lovers
That weep in my eyes.

Whispers of hello
Songs of goodbyes
Hymns  of old lovers
With passionate sighs

sounds from the cellar
Where they park all lost lies.
It's the ghost of old lovers
Wailing regrets and goodbyes.

The prison gates  are open
There's no cage or bars
Just thoughts made of memories
And the gravity of stars.

In the winter the night winds wail
Filled with fear and haunted glow
In stormy passages dreams now sail
With ghostly spirits inside their blow

Window frames creak and rattle
Death and livings eternal fight
Like some specter in a battle
Howling winds until morning's light.

The portrait.

1926 London

He was desperately poor.
who needed a starving artist in this cold cruel English winter..
Spending his last few shillings he bought a ticket to the play.
It was at the London hippodrome.
Staring Miss Abigail Kendrick.
He had read of her in a theatre magazine
in the little country hamlet
that he had spent his whole life.
but here he was in London
and she who had stolen his heart with a magazine picture.
Was here, he must see her.

In the theatre she shone like the star she was.
Even when the spotlights faded
All  he could see were the beautiful color of her turquoise eyes.
In the second act he was in love with her.
By the end of the play he was besotted.

He went back to his tiny room
By not eating he bought the paints and canvas.
Carefully mixing his colors
on the pallet.
he found the hue he sought.
The perfect turquoise of her eyes.
When it was completed
he thought it to be the pinnacle
of his work thus far in his life.

After the next show was over
he waited outside the theatre stage door.
Several Hours later
she appeared dressed beautifully

He stepped forward into the gaslight
from the flickering street lamp.
You are the most beautiful creature
in god's creation he uttered.

I am in love with you so much in love.
He passed the small painting to her.
And she took it from him.
It's ...it's.. so beautiful she whispered.
Not as beautiful as you milady

She kept the painting for her whole life.
Always in a predominant position
in her stage dressing room.
She heard the artist had died
a few weeks later after he gave her her picture.
So sad so very sad.

2018

The young woman entered
.the old building in London.
Her great great grandmother
had passed on
she was left all of her possessions
She was over 100 years old when she died
and the girl knew there
would not be much of earthly value.

But it was her duty to clear her apartment.
She saw the programs of the the plays
her great grandmother had been in.
Then she saw the painting
on her mantle shelf.

It was so beautiful
a portrait of her great great  grandmother
in her beautiful maytime.
The eyes were dancing in the light
even now so turquoise

She had been a great beauty.
She looked at the name of the artist in bottom corner.
With all my heart and love Roger Donovan
Her heart stood still for a moment.

She had to call her own artist man
who had stolen her heart forever.
She pressed his name in her contact list
Her cell phone sent the call.

The receptionist at the art gallery answered
Can I speak with James Donovan please.
He answered the phone excitedly
and said darling I have just completed
your portrait it is the best work
I have ever done.
I truly believe
I have the exact hue
of your beautiful turquoise eyes.