I use to think that being on the outside looking in,
was the perfect life for me.
I did not love, or care, nor even hate,
I was completely free.

It was so much easier to be,
on the outside looking in.
There wasn't anyone there to hurt me,
or keep me from sin.

As the time had slowly passed me by,
sadness entered my empty heart.
I had become so very lonely,
I realized it's been there from the start.

And in the glass I was looking through,
my reflection I did see.
A sad and lonely, broken man,
who definitely wasn't free.

The pain was visible, and all to real,
in this reflection of a man.
Now he's older, the time has passed,
this wasn't part of the plan.

Though he see's a need to change,
and he knows it must be done.
It seems so much easier,
just to turn around and run.

No matter how hard he try's,
nobody want's him there.
They blow him off, and ignore him,
very few seem to care.

When I first came here, many years ago.
The words flowed freely, my feelings you would know.
I made many friends, and I felt like I was home.
But then there was some drama, and I began to roam.

Not long after that, my dear friend Patty died.
He was a poet here, and I ran away to hide.
So now its been some time, and I have again returned.
And in my travels since, I'll tell you what I've learned.

As long as I sit behind this computer, and type on these black keys.
I'm missing all that does exist, and I'm wondering who I should please.
In one hand I have an online life, with "friends" I do not know.
And in the other hand, I have myself, and the life I wish would flow.

I left the computer to live my life, I hope you understand.
And I found some happiness, and hope, that was not planned.
Get away from this world my friends, it feeds the dark inside.
Find yourself, and love yourself, so you never need to hide.

Lately I've been a little depressed,
My life hasn't turned out the way I had wanted it to.
I guess many could say the same thing,
but I really don't know what to do....

Yes I write about killing myself,
the thought really has crossed my mind.
However, I also think about the ones I love,
they have all been so very kind.

I would never want to hurt them,
as my death would surely do.
And so I continue through this life,
not knowing what to do.

I feel so **** inadequate,
and ignorant as well.
It seems no matter how hard I try,
my life is always hell.

I know I should feel happy,
and smile and laugh and play!
But then I would be living a lie,
each and every day.

I guess I've fallen out of love,
for myself these last few years.
But that's the life I've chosen...
Sad and full of tears.

When a person looks at me,
they see what they want to see.
Usually they think I'm normal,
they think I'm smart, they think I'm...
But they don't see the difficulties I have,
They don't understand, nor do they want to.
I feel so lonely, because of what they see.
because whoever there looking at, it certainly isn't me...

Sometimes when the days get long and boring,
the tiredness enters my restless mind.
My body becomes limp and fatigued,
and thoughts of suicide I will soon find.

As I close my eyes and think about my life,
I can only think about moving forward instead.
Moving from this life and into the next,
Passing on from the living and into the dead.

Its not a painful feeling that I have,
filled with anger, hate, or spite.
But a feeling of peace and serenity,
something that feels right.

Nobody I've told about this understands,
instead they think I should want to live.
But how can someone want to live,
when they have nothing left to give?

A pen and paper is all I would need.
The words would come through me, for all to read.
Happiness and sorrow, bitterness and grief.
Some poems would be long, others would be brief.

Then one day, silence, I had felt.
Emptiness filled me, in this place where I knelt.
I could not speak, a word or a sound.
My voice had been lost, no where to be found.

Depression filled my heart and mind.
Still the words, I could not find.
The darkness growing ever so.
Soon the tears, began to flow.

Can the words just leave you?
Without a goodbye?
Does the writing just stop?
Or was it all just a lie?

I am forcing myself to write this now.
With the hope, that I can remember how.
Searching for the words, is a struggle true.
With an empty mind, not knowing what to do.

When we were five and six,
we took the time to care.
Our emotions would run wild,
and our friends were always there.

Life was always so simple,
and playtime was always fun.
Every time we became afraid,
to our mommy's we would run.

But when we became nine and ten,
pain would enter our heart.
We started doubting ourselves,
and our lives were torn apart.

Friendships didn't last long,
and secrets were never kept.
nightmares stole your dreams from you,
in the bed where you had slept.

Teenage years were a living hell,
with hormones out of control.
We did things that we knew were wrong,
such as... lied, cheated, and stole.

The kids you were once friends with,
you avoid as much as you can.
For whatever the reason you think you had,
there was nothing "cool" with them.

Our twenties were a time to party,
And we thought that we knew it all.
Then when we would get in trouble,
It was our parents we would call.

The friends we had in school are gone,
we went our separate way.
It's a struggle to get by now,
we live from day to day.

And then the thirties come,
our lives have settled down.
Most are married with kids,
or getting drunk in town.

It's harder to make friends now,
you need your kids help with that.
Or you buy yourself a puppy dog,
maybe a ***** cat...

Your probably wondering what's the point,
of this poem that seems to be.
Well this is it, I'll tell you now,
so that maybe you will see.

I was happy when I was five and six...
that is the truth I swear.
After that, things went to hell,
and it really isn't fair!!

So I hope you like this poem,
and yes... I'm having some cheese with my whine.
Even though I feel like crap,
I tell everyone I'm fine.

I was born a sinner and my daddy prayed.

Every night of the week that my soul would be saved.

He gave all he could of his hard working hands.

Trying so hard, to keep me out of jams.

He did the best job he could, I know he did.

What did I know, I was just a kid.


My son is a sinner, still everyone cares.

When he goes before Christ, it'll be on a mountain of prayers.

His heart has been filled with solid gold.

I know his soul, has not yet been sold.

Weather it be greed or envy, I do not know.

His love for the lord, has begun to show.


I have worked hard for most of my life.

The more I want the harder I strive.

Still people are bothering me.

They say, "Come to the lord and you will see."

I cannot believe in something that is not there.

They say, "Let the Lord in and he will care."


In times of trouble, and times of need.

The Bible is where, most people will read.

If the Lord is the one you try to seek.

Believe in His word, and his blood you shall drink.

I tell you all, children of God.

Discipline the child, but do not spare the rod.


Before my daddy had past away.

I told him something, that made his day.

I disciplined the child, and didn't spare the rod.

And in the end, the child believed in God.

You see I am the child, I cleansed my soul.

Now God is in my heart, and I feel whole.


My daddy is in heaven, high above.

I reflect upon my life, and all of his love.

I believe in the lord, I know he is there.

When I see all the people, It is them that care.

Satan always temps me, he always dares.

When I go before Christ, It'll be on a mountain of prayers.

Have faith in me, like a mustard seed.
Because your support, is what I need.
Teach me and guide me, and show me the way.
Help me to grow, each and every day.

I know it is hard, to believe in me.
But with your help, I will learn to see.
Give me some food, build me real strong.
With you by my side, we will prove them wrong.

And so we can do it, just you and I.
With some rain in the clouds, and the sun in the sky.
I know if I try, I will succeed.
Because you are the soil, the soil I need.

I know I can grow, so very tall.
With your help, I will never fall.
Have faith in me, like a mustard seed.
Because your support, is what I need.

Sky is blue, and soft like satin.
Clouds look like *****, of white cotton.
Sun burning up, my face so red.
These summer day's, are what I dread.

The sunshine is so hot and bright.
My sensitive eyes, I've lost my sight.
The air is still, there is no breeze.
My allergies, make me sneeze.

The cloudy days, are what I miss.
The air so fresh, like a freshly given kiss.
The dismal gray, the nice cool breeze.
The rain really helps, the farmers seeds.

There are no sunburns on cloudy day's.
Never any blinding, sunlight ray's.
Build your house, up on a hill.
So when it floods, there's no insurance bill.

But if both, is what you like the best.
Wait 5 minutes, sit down, take a rest.

waking up each morning
dragging my *** out of bed
I rub the sleep from my eyes
shake the fogginess out of my head

I feel the chill of the morning air
the dampness of the dew
I make a *** of coffee
wait for it to brew

I see the people coming
and going through out the day
some of them are family
they want to stay and play

it all seems so normal
tiresome In  a way
taking it all for granted
it's how we get through the day

then the night has come
loneliness fills the air
I wonder what it's all been for
I wonder why I care

it's 12am or midnight
the start of a new day
I put the gun inside my mouth
and blow my head away

You left your door wide open,

so I entered through again.

That's when I read your poems of sadness,

and in them I saw your pain.

The poems you had written ,

touched me to my very soul.

I wished I had known you then,

so that you maybe whole.

You show so much compassion,

you have alot of love to give.

I wish I could be with you right now,

to show you how to live.

As I read your poems of hurt

a tear slid down my face.

How could one so young

be hurt by this human race.

I wept a million tears for you

which I would gladly do again.

Just don't expect me to enter

into your house of pain.

Have you ever seen someone go commando,

or O' natural underneath the clothing they wear?

When they bend over or squat down,

you see the crack of there *** all covered with hair.

And whether they buy there jeans with zippers,

or purchase them with a button fly.

If they ever forget to close the front,

it will give everyone a cry.


Now if you like to people watch,

the way I sometimes do.

Then this can be quite funny,

if it doesn't happen to you.

It can also be hysterical,

wherever you may go.

And when I saw it happen,

I laughed so hard that tears began to flow.

I went to the store today, to buy a few things I need.

As I was standing in line, staring at the things to read.

A gentleman approached, with only one thing I could see.

I suggested he go first, he shouldn't have to wait for me.


He said "No thank you", but I couldn't understand why?

I had so many things, and he only had one item to buy.

I told him that it's really okay, and that I don't mind.

He smiled at me and said, "No thank you, but you are very kind".


"I am out of work right now, and I cannot afford to do more.

And so I walk a very long ways, each day I go to the store.

When I arrive I walk around, looking for something small.

I take my time and shop around, and pretend I'm at the mall".


"So I hope you understand, this is all I have to do.

I really am not lying, unfortunately this is true."

I let him stay behind me, with the only item he had.

And I couldn't be more thankful, even though I felt bad.

Every time I come here

I think about my dear friend

I see the poems he's written

and the comments he would send

It's hard to believe he left us all

for a place that's better still

I just hope he's got two pennies

instead of a dollar bill

He always made me smile

and sometimes laugh a lot

He always was a gental sort

who joked about his ***

A friend is what he was indeed

to many on this site

He knew he wasn't perfect

nor was he always right

Paddy my dear friend, I will miss you

And I hope you find your way

Your pain is gone, and your sadness too

It's the start of a whole new day

In the dark, the monsters are there.

Hoping that they, will give you a scare.

There is no good, but always bad.

I wanted protection, but where was my dad.


And so I ran, on through the night.

Running forever, to find the light.

The light was not there, and I could not see.

Whatever was happening, happening to me.


I cried for help, but it was weak.

My voice had become, a quiet squeak.

And so they hurt me, one by one.

They laughed and they joked, as they had there fun.


And so in the end, I lay on the ground.

Beaten and bruised, until I was found.

It's my fault, I am to blame.

That's what they said, when they said my name.

Sitting here in the dark

the power has gone out

so I think about my life

and where I am today

I think about the ones I love

as well as the ones who left

I hear the wind chimes

singing there beautiful song

It's funny how a clanging noise

can be so inspiring to me

with the woodstove

releasing the heat within

warms my body and heart

just like the love of Jesus

warms my soul

Every thing becomes so peaceful

when the power goes out

All the distractions are gone

and it's a time to focus

on the things that really matter.

What would happen

if the power went out on you

who would you turn to

who would get you through

what would you think about

what would you do

when the power goes out

on little ol' you

I think of all the poems I've written, and all the words I've said.

And I wonder if I will still be here, a long time after I'm dead.

These poems to me are so much more, then writing on the wall.

They are the feelings I have felt, and help me when I fall.


I look and see the titles, as time has passed me by.

Remembering the pain I've felt, this is not a lie.

Some are controversial, and some are full of fun.

Others are quite a shock, and some are far from done.


But my poems are mine and mine alone, this I can't deny.

I must continue to do my best, I must continue to try.

So if someone were to read my poems, and leave a word or two.

Then my time has not been lost my friend, as long as you were true.

women, women, every where.

all are married, it's just not fair.

I, but a single man that be.

can get no love, no love for me.

I have a black cat, I have a black cat.

He likes to eat a rat, He likes to play with a rat.

He's mean as can be, He's timid as can be.

He likes to stay in, He likes to be out and free.

He wants to be loved, He's afraid of everything.

He drools all over, Dead birds he will bring.

He's black as a bat, He'll never be fat.

I have a black cat, I have a black cat.

It's an adrenaline rush

and a feeling that is true

I don't like to get angry

because I don't know what I'll do

I have no objection

to punching a brick wall

or hurt someone

so the police they will call

I will cut myself

with a cold steel blade

My anger is violent

and it will not fade

Pain will not slow me

it just makes me worse

And the one who made me angry

through there ****** mouth will curse

I've even been tempted

to **** someone

It becomes a joke to me

and it starts to be fun

I know this is bad

and it must be controlled

But when I become angry

I can be very bold

And now I hope

you all understand why

I try not to get mad

because if I do, I know I will die

Hello, how are you?
Me? I'm fine
And how are you?

A poet writes about what they think, perceive, and feel.

Much of the time, writing makes the poet heal.

I see many on here, both young and old.

From the suicidal, to the bold.

The younger ones, don't really know what to do.

And the older ones, become mentors that are true.

We all need to work together, and free all that is inside.

Support one another, so no one feels the need to hide.

Leave comments, and let people know you were there.

encourage them, and tell them, that you really do care.

Mark them as favorites, become one of there fans.

Read each others poems, and instead of saying you can't,

tell them you can...

Sometimes happy, sometimes sad.
They can be angry, as well as bad.
Love can flow, and hate can too.
A child's eyes, when they look at you.

Mysterious and secretive, in there own way.
What are they thinking, what you wish they could say.
You can look very deep, but you won't find a thing.
Sometimes they'll look up, to the Lord they will sing.

Help me, love me, leave me alone.
They live in the ways, in which they are shown.
A tear may fall, down the cheek it will ride.
Sometimes all they need, is a friend at there side.

They can be happy, love will show the way.
Perking right up, when there asked out to play.
Gentle is what, they ought to be.
But a child's eyes, reflects what it can see.

Love your child, so they know what is true.
Because they all want to grow up, to be just like you.
Treat them good, and teach them wrong from right.
Read them poems, when you wish them good-night.

Remember me always, in everything you say.
The loving care and tenderness, I gave to you each day.
I'm sorry it had to be like this, I'm sorry I must go.
Remember me always, and the love I tried to show.

If love can bind our hearts so close, then friends we shall forever be.
And in these days of pain and sorrow, always remember me.
For God so loved the world, he gave his only begotten son.
In this life that will be ending soon, it's to him, that I must run.

Remember me always, in everything you do.
The loving memories and thoughtful times, will always get you through.
It hurts for me to say this, it hurts so much to cry.
Remember me always, because someday, I am going to die.

In my prayers, to the Lord I speak.
I ask him to forgive me, every night of the week.
My loved ones are happy, cause I am free.
Thank you Lord, I finally see.

In my prayers to the Lord I ask.
Care for my family, while I tend to my task.
Help me to understand, teach me the way.
Thank you Lord, I'm reborn today.

In my prayers, I rejoice in your name.
You are the bright light, the burning flame.
I've stayed so silent, behind these hidden eyes.
Thank you Lord, for hearing my cries.

In my prayers, It is you I praise.
You are my salvation, for the rest of my days.
You died for me, you died for him.
Thank you Lord, Dying for all the sin.

In my prayers, I beg of you.
Bless my family, in all they do.
I think that is all, I have to say.
Thank you Lord, In your name I pray.

                                          Amen

Looking through this window, I see a life of joy.
A family that looks happy, with every girl and boy.
This could be any family, through this window that I see.
Secret's hide behind a door, in which I have no key.

The father might be doing drugs, the mother may not care.
The children could be real ******* up, and you'll never know it's there.
Looking through this window, I see a life of joy.
But looks can be deceiving, to every girl and boy.

There money could be real well spent, this family might be poor.
You take a guess to what is real, behind the bedroom door.
Abuse can happen, in many ways, but is it really true?
Looking through this window, there's nothing you can do.

This family acts real happy, there hearts are full of grace.
There are no facts behind these words, except the writing on there face.
A simple guess is all it takes, you better hope your right.
Looking through this window, you play it all by sight.

The demons in the dark, take my spirit every night.
I'm dragged from my dreams, to the nightmares I fight.
They remind me of my past, and my pain over the years.
I wake up hot and sweaty, my eyes are filled with tears.

Every night is the same, it will never go away.
I dread going to bed, only to awake the next day.
My memories are very terrible, my nightmares are much worse.
I wasn't born like this, so it must be some kind of curse.

I toss and turn all night long, hoping for a dream.
But nightmares haunt me while I sleep, they make me want to scream.
Peace is all I really want, a dream is all I seek.
Nightmares fill my head so strong, my mind is getting weak.

When I was a child, I began to build the wall.
And as I grew older, the wall became tall.
With confussion, sadness, loneliness, and dispair.
These were the bricks, that built my lair.

Nobody could ever know, the feelings that I kept.
I didn't even trust myself, during that time in which I slept.
The anger, distrust, fear, and guilt.
My foundation was strong, for this wall that was built.

I pushed everyone away, because of the shame I felt inside.
So I stayed behind my wall, and did my best to hide.
Then the years slowly passed, and now it is today.
I have hurt so many people, along the way.

The ones who have loved me, and tried to care.
Got there hearts ripped out, and it wasn't fair.
I had lost touch with myself, and it brings me to tears.
To remember the love, I have had through the years.

They hustle and bustle, through the days and night.
Waiting on people, so there food will taste right.
They pour me my coffee, they put up with my smoke.
My loitering they swallow, and don't even choke.

This waitstaff works hard, some people don't see.
All the work they put into, serving you and me.
There wages are low, and tips can be poor.
Some customers may even, leave there manners at the door.

But still they work hard, and smile to you.
When you leave this place happy, it's good service that's true.
Many have bills, or families to raise.
They depend on your tips, to get through the days.

So when you come in, remember all the work.
These people try very hard, so don't be a ****.
There customers they like, and we like them as well.
Treat them with respect, don't give them any hell.