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Aspen Aug 2019
You picked up your suitcases
Left without looking back
You didn't even say one last word to me

You are finally set free
to a place where you belong
to a place where you will call your true home
You are finally free
from all the misery
from the place you hated

Well since your gone,

I won't let you drag me down anymore
I won't shed anymore tears on you
I know that your not my source of happiness
I know our time is up
and it's time to say goodbye
and I'll be fine

I'll stop looking at our old messages
I will fight all these feelings I had for you
I will ignore the pain in my heart and lungs
I will move forward and never look back
Just like the way you left

You have done your part in my life
I have done my part in yours
Your happiness does not contain me
So I won't let my happiness contain you

Though it will be tough
and some days will be quite rough
I know I will make it through one day
Before long, I'll be used to you being away
Cause it's time to free myself too
Aspen Jun 2019
Grief
wakes you up at 4:30 in the morning
because you were dreaming about him
and that dream was too painful
Now, not even sleep is an escape

Grief
it makes you cry for a little bit during the day
but it never lets you cry for long
because others are watching
so you have no choice but to put on that mask and wait for the night

but then night comes
and grief chains those tears
ties your feelings into a box
and you drown in those waves of emotions
of longing, loneliness, and sadness
you want to cry and let it all out
maybe the pain will go away...
but this grief will not let you

Grief
Replays all the moments in your head
puts your last moments together on rewind
making you miss them more

Logic comes in and says
"He will be happier somewhere else in someone else's arms"
But grief says
"You will never see him again and he will always be in a faraway place"
A place...
where his name is known
but your's isn't
A place that he will forget you

Grief
Is listening to a song you used to dance to
and remembering it all
waves of emotions bashing you against the rocks
with your soul barely clinging to life

Grief
is constantly drowning you
and ******* all the hope you have...
but at the same time creating a hopeless hope
that this person will come back
a hopeless hope that you will be in his arms again

Though this person is still on this earth
You know that you will never see him again
Though this person is still breathing
You will never feel his breath against your cheek or hear him breathe
Though he can still hug people
You won't feel his embrace any longer
Though this person can still laugh and smile
You won't see his smile and you won't hear his laugh
You won't even be able to make him laugh or smile
because he is no longer with you
Though his eyes still shine like stars and are full of life
You will never see that same light again
that light of life
Though this person's soul is alive
You won't hurt any less
Than if he was dead
Yep...I'm going through a tough stage of my life emotionally...and I might be writing a lot so...if I am annoying you, I'm sorry....
Aspen Jun 2019
Missing someone
Is replaying all the moments from when you were together
From laughing about the days of childhood
To remembering his arms around you
at the train station, when you said your last goodbye
You replay it all, like a movie
wishing you could go back to those moments
wishing you could step into that movie

Having those old conversations in your head
Remembering when you told him about how you felt
His words of comfort echoing back
saying that he won't let you go that easily

You whisper that conversation, playing it back
pressing the rewind button, just to hear his voice and to remember that moment...the last moments with him

Missing someone
is reading through old texts and looking at old photos
while feeling the pain and having your heart long for him
while tears of emptiness fall down your cheeks and you think
"If he were here, he would tell me everything is all right."
But knowing that he would never come back
and that he is gone

Missing someone
is hearing a song you used to dance to
faintly hearing his voice singing along
and feeling his movement as he dances
or going to an old place, and remembering when you were there together, what you were talking about
laughing and never knowing how much you would miss him

And when you think that you are ok and that you have moved on
An old memory would slap you back
and your head will rewind that movie again
and bring back all that pain and your heart starts yearning for him again.

And the most painful part is,
that though your head says that he is gone forever,
you still imagine him being there with you as you sit alone in your room...and your heart still thinks that it has hope.
But it doesn't
Aspen Jun 2019
I know you are happier out there
in the big wide world
A place so far away where no one knows your past

I know you want to let go of your childhood
and the place where you used to call home

But I'm here feeling empty without you
I know you belong to someone else
But I want you
So tell me,
How do I let go of someone that isn't mine

You tell me that we will keep in touch
Then the last hug the last wave goodbye
I miss you too much
So tell me,
How do I let you go?
How do I numb this pain?
How do I stop my heart from wanting you?

To stop wanting your arms around me
To stop wanting to hear your voice and your laugh
To stop wanting your presence

Because I know
Even though it hurts
You are happier in a foreign place
with another person
So how do I let go of someone that isn't mine?
So...I told him that I had feelings for him today!! He said that he wouldn't let something like this ruin our friendship so...that's good!! But this is probably the last time that I'm going to see him...so I really miss him...it's hasn't even been 24 hours and I already miss his arms...
Aspen May 2019
I feel so joyful when you are around
Feel the adrenaline rush in my blood
Not sure our souls would forever be bound
Violent happiness blinding like a flood

Shall I disown my name full of disgrace
Confess to my lady my love for thee
Or shall I disown your divine embrace
And preserve my father’s precious glory

The consequences do not hurt as much
As when I need to leave when light comes up
I yearn for your beauty and your light touch
Your absence draws more poison from the cup

Your beautiful soul has flown to heaven
And the prince has banished me from home
Therefore my life has to come to an end
And on this earth I shall no longer roam

As love at first sight is destined to die
And joy just ended up being a lie
My english project that I had to write about Romeo and Juliet
Aspen May 2019
Doesn't matter if I have passion
Doesn't matter if I'm committed
I still won't be good enough

No matter how long I've pondered
No matter how much I truly cared
I know that I still won't be selected
So what's the point of even tryin'

It's so frustrating to see
that I'm giving my all and getting nothing
All my effort thrown to waste

Cause there'd always be someone better
someone who may not have the same fire
but everyone thinks they are better

So should I really be trying so hard?
Should I really care so much?
Should I just give up and know
that my future is hopeless
that I don't really matter

Maybe I should just give up
Cause am I worth it?
Am I good enough?

Does it really matter?
Should it really matter?
This much
I have been constantly rejected and I am never number one. It is so frustrating and it seems that no matter how hard I try I'm never good enough. I'm starting to question my worth and whether I would make it. I'm starting to wonder if I should really care. I've heard when the world turns their back on you you turn your back on them but I just care too much to do such a cruel thing.
Aspen May 2019
Even though I tell myself I'm over it
Even though I tell myself I'm happy
Even though I think of something else
It doesn't make the pain
hurt any less
Cause when the old song plays on the radio
Or when I am reminded that your gone
All the grief comes flooding back
and I die all over again

Time doesn't heal, doesn't make it any better
and trying to convince myself that everything's alright
won't make the pain hurt any less
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