I think
I might die
Soon

I was doing okay
Then I did the stupid thing
I went to talk to you again

What a waste of care
And love
And time
And effort

Now I’m not okay
And I don’t know if I will be
I’ve never been this anxious before in my entire life

she takes a deep breath
her soul is on fire

she coughs up smoke
her lungs are burning
she sips on the water
but it just scalds her throat

she takes a deep breath
it won't be long.
her soul is on fire
her head's all wrong

there are noises in her head
there's a pounding in her skull
everything's blurry-
soon she'll be dead

she takes a deep breath,
her very last one
her soul was on fire
...

and now
it is done

I miss him
I’ve taken to imagining him beside me when I get lonely or really anxious
I don’t talk out loud or anything
But it usually makes me feel better
Or I cry
One or the other

I feel so pathetic right now.
That could just be the drinking.

is that an angel i see?
you- coming back for me

i just...
i honestly can't believe it

To feel for sinew and find nothing but bone
Ancient energy buzzed amongst pillars of salt and light
Darkness weaving through sheer barriers of throbbing hearts
Creeping quietly upon delight and remorse
Depth attacking the shallow process
Subconscious suppression bursting into conscious thought
Gasping for air and wrecking floating boats
Sinking sinking
Forever
Into the subconscious hell
The untouched nightmare
Forever
Cursed to wander
Because they did not settle the fist fight-
between trauma and the future.

Kisses at sunset
Your mouth is the only one I remember
The only one that mattered
Your body is the last I pulled closer to my own
I don’t remember the past eight months
I wonder if it’s because I was apart from you
Kisses at sunrise
And everyday after
I imagine it with a shadow figure now
It’s not you
Anymore.

you had a dream about our first apartment
about the soft glowing light
and the scents made sweet by our love
you had a dream about our future

let's make it a reality.

My numb little shell
I’m trying to tell the truth
I am the bad guy
I know I’m the villain
It bothers me when people try to
Make me feel better
For the ****** things I’ve done
A villain’s actions are not compromised
There are no pathetic attempts of
Following the better path
Only the destruction of the good remains
When you have done evil to another
Accept it
Throw pride away
Quake in fear at what you have caused
And then pick up
And start all over
Even if you have work twice as hard to rebuild

Violence of the mind.

black holes.
they come swallowing everything whole

dripping jaws.
they come tearing at chunks of fresh flesh

war of the mind.
gunshots gouged in blood wet heads
spears stabbing through blood wet sides
knives nestled in blood wet necks

madness-
of the mind.

Come one! Come all!
Come see the sickest sight of all!
this madness of the mind
i see it clear,
when i look in the mirror.

the stars seem to whisper your name tonight
every night the wind reminds me of your touch
the dark dances with me,
just a shadow of you
Morning come
Your phantom has left me
You fall like dust through my fingers
and you are lost till sun sets-
when
once again
i walk with your ghost

i'm so afraid
          that when you leave
                            you'll find your better off
without me

i don't see
i don't hear
i don't know
i don't understand
i don't imagine
i don't create

idontFEEL

WHAT DID YOU DO WITH ME, MY SOULMATE

You have a pen and more than just ink
Let it caress your body
Take your mind far away
and I will wander the starry night
Trailing right behind you
A friend in tow
On your wild adventures
An artist unable to draw
Hoping to capture
A fleeting image
Of their ever changing Wonder
Dance on smoke with me
My dear
And let’s wander the night
Together

No matter how i try
i cannot have

what has already left

i thought i knew you
i guess i never really did
...
can i ever hope

to get to know you again?