I miss you my love
It’s odd
To get used to the rhythm of ones voice
And have it disappear completely
It reminds me
To always treasure my every -
Second
With you
For you are the woman I want to spend -
My life
Dancing with
To walk hand in hand
Through fire and water and everything we must face in this life
I miss you
But it’s a good reminder
...
I’ll buy u flowers the next time I see you

I am not daunted by your darkness
I am not shattered by your pieces
I do not stumble on your shards
Nor trip on your sharp edges

What you hold
I long to have
A loving touch
A soothing glance
A sharpened knife
Or braided whip

I do not flinch at pain
Only at rejection
I will not disappear
At the sight of your wounds

I offer only
Outstretched arms
For you are mine
And I do not fear the dark that
Treads in your wake

cry along the sidewalk
peaceful hanging upside-down...
on train track bridges
wild hearts and wilderness
scream into the void
run into the forest
destroy and create-
chaos.
Beauty amongst ash-
Phoenix rising from glowing disaster
dancing in the fall of the world
scream into the stars
run into the arms of darkness
cry alongside the thunder
worship at the feet of hell
destroy all else-
but the joy in your
dying
burning
bones

My numb little shell
I’m trying to tell the truth
I am the bad guy
I know I’m the villain
It bothers me when people try to
Make me feel better
For the ****** things I’ve done
A villain’s actions are not compromised
There are no pathetic attempts of
Following the better path
Only the destruction of the good remains
When you have done evil to another
Accept it
Throw pride away
Quake in fear at what you have caused
And then pick up
And start all over
Even if you have work twice as hard to rebuild

I did not know
Love was a competition or a fraud
Is love a symbol of hope after all
Or but a shadow
Carried by death
As a mark on my door for eternity

I don’t think my brain is working clearly

There’s a girl
Who makes me laugh
She’s an awkward angel
Wearing
Perhaps
The largest mask
I’d like to know her
Under it all
I hope she wants
To tell me her story
If only she’d talk
I wait to listen

I don't think I'd notice
the pain in my chest
even if
there was a hole through my breast

a knife
or a bullet
stuck in my side
would be easier still to hide

ignoring my anxiety
building in my head.
a fountain.
water.
drowning............................

no
not.
no­.
ok.
i guess-
here we go again.

quickplugtheholes        donthavetimetoskipaline       bottlethatshitup
get
me
out

no
no

stopped
the leaks in the side of my brain are plugged

I'm Okay.....

till i drop from blood loss. or explode. the rising waters in my head. pounding against my temples. then. i guess. i'll have to confront that ***** who stares me back in the mirror.

I can feel the burning
in the back of my brain
The warmth
unkindly using my cells as kindling

Jealousy and sorrow
Are close friends
They feed off each other
And their chemicals form wildfires
In my mind
My jealousy and sorrow have become-
All consuming

He slept with them
Someone I don’t even know
Someone prettier
Someone kinder
Someone who tasted like lust and candy

Did you like it when your mouth was kissing its way down their body?
Or did you only think of me?
For how could that be the case if you continued.
Did they say your name in that way you like?
Is that what made you want to hear it in bed?

He slept with them
And I can’t even be upset
Because I understand why

And it’s my fault.

Still I am left wondering
Will I taste as sweet?
Or look as good?
Does my face need fixing or my body need shrinking?
Will I love as well as they?

Is my love undesirable?
Am I undesirable?

For how could you desire them in a matter of days
But turning back to me say
“I do not want you in that way”

I think I am lesser.
Perhaps I must accept that...

My mind is still burning.
It will not reduce.

Crystals and sharp edges
Pencil lead and arson
Steel and death
Why are these things all tied together in my head?
Because association
And experience
Have played a game on my brain
And turned the wires all askew
Ribbons and assault rifles
The color orange and pill bottles
...
So many more

to think without clarity
(a fuzziness inside)
to speak without correct words
(broken judgement)
to hurt without blood
(a head full of screaming)

washed up intelligence
equals
splintering headspace

is it shame or terror,
making it hard to see straight

They like it when I write them poems
In between mess and anxiety
My writing is a blossom of light
They say it’s always pretty
Even though it’s often not
I like to offer up hope
To their throbbing heart
So I write these words
In hope to make their pain stop
They like it when I bring rocks
A sign I care about them
even when I’m gone
They always smile upon holding the pebbles-
preciously and carefully collected to my care
I smile because I know
How wrong their impressions of me truly are
Yet, I desire their love more than
Anything
So I let them think I’m good
When I’m absolutely not

I love them through their mess
And I hope to God
They’ll stay through mine

I think I need to relearn soft
I may need to try:
Awareness.
I want to try
To love her well
I need to make her feel safe
I may need to try
Again.
I want to try
To be worthy of her trust
I think I need to relearn
soft
aware
trustworthy
kind
Because:
I want to love her right

Falling.

It feels warmer

Than I remember from the last time

(Do you think I’m ready for the heat?)

To feel for sinew and find nothing but bone
Ancient energy buzzed amongst pillars of salt and light
Darkness weaving through sheer barriers of throbbing hearts
Creeping quietly upon delight and remorse
Depth attacking the shallow process
Subconscious suppression bursting into conscious thought
Gasping for air and wrecking floating boats
Sinking sinking
Forever
Into the subconscious hell
The untouched nightmare
Forever
Cursed to wander
Because they did not settle the fist fight-
between trauma and the future.

Someone tell me how to stop being afraid
Did u know
Stonewall
Was a riot
But rioting still happens
50 years later
The violence will never stop
And neither will the fear
Still fighting ignorance
50 years later
Someone tell my black friends how to stop being afraid
Did you know
Wars
Were fought for freedom
centuries ago
But we are.
Still.
fighting racism and bigotry.
Centuries later
The violence will never stop
And neither will the fear
Still battling inequality
Centuries later

why.
Are we still all afraid of each other?

To fall for something lovely
is a dream come true
To fall for something deadly
Is to be a fool

In love we fall forever
Whether we chose
Or we are pushed

In motion
The heart remains
Towards the ground,
it’s path ordained  

Who will be there to catch you,
Before you hit the floor
And break every bone in your body,
Becoming ravaged rubble once more