I’m 19
And I’ve caused more pain
In my short time
Then most middle aged adults
What I’ve done is irreversible
And therefore
Unforgivable
Unfixable
I deserve to die

The pain I’ve caused
Calls for my blood
The people I’ve destroyed
Call out for my end

As do I -
So blood was spilt
Now I will pay it all back

I did not wonder at the sound of the Earth beneath my feet
I did not tremble with the ground when it’s plates begin to shake
The Earth is a creature of power
And humankind has stood too long in denial of her hardship
I had forgotten her
Even as she screams out -
Her earthquakes and violent upheaval-
Her sorrow goes unheard
mourning the loss of her sacred places
She cries out once again
And the universe around us howls with Her
Yet, I have ignored her
This secret mother of all life
Her one desire has gone without notice
We live like we’ll always be here.
Perhaps, we should worry more-
The Earth shall not stop her tears
And when she melts
So shall we

Oh children born into fear
Take care of your Earth
Or you shall be right to Fear Her Violence
Oh child of fear
You are inside me today
But I fear it is too late
All the yesterdays of youth have washed away
I am left with only my island
And a growing gnawing in my brain that-
I too shall be shallowed with the screaming Earth

Children should not have to fear
They will not see their Earth Whole
Because of us.

I don’t understand
I don’t understand what’s in my head
Or why I’m so ******* obsessed with
You
god, You
You
The center of my life is you.
And so you shall be the end of
me.
God.

She deserves happy poems
Like nothing I can give her
I wish I knew how
To break this never ending spell
The tension between us
Has continued to rise
Yet my heart is not in it
So I wonder if
All I am doing is lying

She’ll get no happy poems from me

I wonder at the movement of your mouth
The open shape and muffled sounds you make
They keep my body fighting against my logic-
Coming
Back for more
All the time
Back for more

Why-
When we look at objects
Like cars
Do we call them
“She”

Why are women always the object of desire
And still the center of so much abuse?

Perhaps we are abused because we don’t run as smooth or as silently as a car.

It’s about time I talked
About it all
So here it is

I only remember buzzing
and fuzzy shots
of blurry people with even more blurry conversations
I remember the walls and holes in the ground
They had tried to seal them up
The tar black was reopened
Wounded floors
Wounded people
Walls with punctures like knives
White and cold
Blue fragile and cheap blankets
thin Pale sheets
White is the easiest to bleach I suppose
I don’t know what happened
I still want to die
I just won’t try anything
My father asked me
What do you hope for
And I had no words
The only thing I hope for
Beyond a dream
The only desire
Is death
How do you tell the man who has watched you grow from infancy to adulthood that his pain was all for nothing
You are long g on e
Forever drifting
Hope is only a good friend for the pure hearted
I am evil
And I can only hope I will die and my future evil should be dissipated forever