I think
I might die
Soon

I don’t know
How to
Love
Anymore
But my body
Remembers
The action
So
I will do
It
Till I
Remember
How It Feels

I started kissing this girl
They grew on me and turned my brain into butterflies-
Flying all over her flowers-
But I am just moss
Growing on her tree
I am a parasite.
Leeching out all their good
I am...
Unstable.

Now we are dating

I’m still not sure if this is a good idea.

Medications to help me sleep
Medication to help me breathe
Medication to help me be-
Just a little less
Empty

Why am I still so empty

I can feel my body giving out-
I can’t stand still you see-
It’s the involuntary spasms
amusing themselves with me
My heart rate is a mile a minute
Shaky hands when I paint
Jumpy nerves when I drive

My mind moves calmly through time
Without feeling real at all...

For such an anxious body
My mind is so empty

Stay
******
Inside my bones
It’s empty
In here
We know
God is dead
And the Devil
runs rampant
Staying ******
Seldom sober
Wandering mind
Stationary body
In space without moving
Floating up-
Up
Further
Till all I feel
Is consumed.
Staying
******
Inside my bones
I still am...
So alone.

I’ve given up
All those pretty packaged dreams
A future
A lover
Hope
All are lost to my dissipated and medicated desire

All I want now
Is to be high
Higher than I’ve been before
Dancing alone
At 3am
On a Tuesday night
No party in sight
Only lights on
are in my head
And the blinding white
of my phone screen and anime

Lonely highs
Are truly a new low