Flutter flutter
The wings of my heart,
Making its journey from one person to the next,
Losing a bit of itself each time, 
Trying to graft on what doesn't belong,
In the hope that it would be beautiful,

Oh, it wants to be beautiful.

I can hardly recognize it.
We've changed so much.
My body wishes to go one way,
The heart trembles, timidly agrees,
But it is not ready,

Aye, I am too anxious for even my own flesh,
So much do I mistrust myself,
I distrust everyone.

Noe one can bring me solace,
No one can soothe the cries of a weary heart,
I want to start over,
But I only have what I am given,
And I've already messed that up.

Our combined heart is a room,
With the door locked,
And no one's knocking.

Our combined heart is a room,
With the blinds closed,
And no light can come in.

We've inspiring words,
Like "dream", "imagine", and "grow",
Written on posters,
Lovely poems and paintings on the wall,
And each other to keep us comfortable,
But we're shut in,
And lonely.

She has a key on a necklace,
She gives it to open her heart,
But I've already forced my way in,
And the necklace is broken, anyhow.

We are a mess of wants, and desires,
And they keep us from you;
And I don't know how to unlock the door,
Or open the blinds,
And I don't know how to live by that poem On the wall.

But, I so desperately want to invite you in.

She asks, "do you think we can get out?"
And I tell her that I hope so.
Because I know that that door unlocks,
and I know those blinds do open,
Because I can see light coming into our darkness,
And I so want to bask in that light again.

Don't let the sun come down on us, my love.
Don't the night envelop us in it's wings.
May our love be as lively as the wind,
And as loud as the storm.
May I trumpet you,
Treasure you,
Triumph over you.

May we travel the stars,
Stopping only to share,
And to enliven.


Just Don't look away,
And please don't abandon me.
Stay with me.
Till the end.

At first, 
It's as if there's a veil, 
Covering her face.
Shapes, lines,
I'm left to color in
With my dreams, expectations;
Forming her as I want,
Not as she is.

Soon enough,
The veil comes off;
I find her to be breathtaking,
Refreshing,
Different.
I'm lost in her wonderful world,
Hoping to get stay that way.

The man awkwardly dancing with himself.
He's got the moves,
So suave and so smooth,
Matching his own steps,
Wrapping his arms around the woman who isn't there

Rippers jeans, and popped collar,
That invisible woman must be impressed

Samba shoes, and long dark hair,
You must be king
Of your very own dance floor.

How great it must be to rule your own scene.
Don't you know how foolish you look?

But, is that the point?
Hey, you don't seem to care.
But I do,
So who's doing something wrong?

Nameless man, keep dancing by yourself.
I admire you, exhort you to continue,
To never second guess yourself,
And to live without fear.

For fear is crippling,
And you just want to have fun.

Sorry for stepping on that most noble attempt.

So today,
I tried to make
a bride and groom
out of paper.

I started with the groom.
Folding away,
it eventually came to be.
(It looked like it should.)

Then, I tried to make the bride,
but couldn't.
I folded, made creases,
but it ripped.

I tried again, with another sheet of paper.
I folded, made creases,
but the more I did,
the harder each next step became.

I eventually gave up,
I was too frustrated.
I could only make a groom,
but I couldn't make a wife.

Like a drop of rain,
hanging from the leaf -
that lofty precipice,
fluttering in the wind -
I fell from my spot in the heavens,
and crashed to the ground.

Singular, no longer,
I searched for my pieces,
and found many,
but some were taken by the other drops,
and by the grass.

I found myself, too,
with new parts grafted on,
and I became distressed.

So I cursed the earth,
for making me what I was,
for making me so fragile,
and so abundant
(that a droplet would go unnoticed).

And oh,
If I could explain the tears,
that sometimes dwell next
to my eyes
I'd fear
that I'd have nothing
to tell you.
I do not cry
for peace, nor out
of terror.
I do not cry
because of pain, nor
of jubilee.

So I tell you
that my eyes, they
are dry.

Now, leave me alone,
to my work,
to my self,
that I may be occupied
with important matters,
and,
that my loneliness
would not be seen,
that my broken heart
would not show itself
any longer.

In yellow fields today,
I made my stand.
Before God,
On this beautiful plain,
I cursed myself,
Wishing I were never born.

The crickets,
The flies,
All witness to my screams,
Blissfully ignorant to my problems.
They hop and buzz about
As if nothing were happening.
Do you feel the same?

May the mountains be my witness,
You're everywhere that I go,
In every beautiful thing,
you're there.
Every sunset,
Every picture,
Every woman.
Oh, how you torture me.

In green forests,
I sat and dreamed
Of a day when this would no longer hurt me.
I raised my hands as high
as the emerald towers around me stood.
I closed my eyes.
And I prayed
for an end to my pain.

An end came.

In yellow fields today,
My love came running back to me.

The dance:

Steps and twirls,

Song and rhyme!

Rehearsed, unrehearsed;

Subtle and smooth

(Powerful and effective).



I dance

Not for myself,

But around the flower.

The angel in my garden,

The jewel of my eye!

The one whom God has grown

And made so very strong!



Then, we'll dance together,

If the flower enjoys.



The prize,

The gift for my effort,

the light at the end;

Where my struggles and pain cease to matter!

Where i can call myself content;

Nuzzled in her arms,

(The leaves of my little flower).

Be at peace,
Creature of earth and oak
Your brittle, soft bark
Painted a deep crimson,
With limbs curling, retreating to their root.
And whose buds wither in the dry,
Desolate province: “home”.

Do you remember the monsters,
Trampling over vein and chute,
That grew larger with every word they spoke,
Till soon their dark shapes stood high above,
Their mass and form eclipsing the light,
Leaving only a sliver to feed you?

I remember a shape formed with care,
Whose trunk was strong,
And resilient as steel!
But, Chiseled and reduced
By philosophy and temptation,
It became a thing I couldn’t recognize.
A corpse that shone of good intention,
With marks of wisdom and ingenuity,
Abandoned, forgotten in time.

Do you remember the forest,
Where brother and sister once stood firmly?
Their unfortunate fortitude rendered them ideal
For the beasts’ machines,
And made kindling for the nightmares
You had when you were small.

I remember a young seedling,
Who sacrificed friendship and comfort
For a little shelter from the cold.
And now lives in darkness
And has been for so long,
That a candle is mistaken for the sun!
A faint, false, glow is all I have to illuminate my life!

With age, and of circumstance,
My eyes grow weak,
And this heart will expends its stores
To chase the promise of reprieve,
Offered by a lie of ever-changing form,
And striking, beautiful melody.

I am sitting in the car and
I see rolling hills,
a blue sky,
the green of the trees; I am content.

I believe that the best way
to imagine heaven is to look at
what you most love; this is heaven.

I sit back in my seat
and I celebrate the company
of others; this is perfect.

Sun on my body,
warming my internal;
doctor, would you
write me another prescription?

But, missing here, my love
—she, who makes perfection perfect,
to be here forever—a joy to my heart.

Ah, but I feel her in the warmth,
I smell her in the air,
I see her in the clouds,
always with me, just as I like it.

A flower petal carried by the breeze,
Beautiful, may your dance join with mine,
That we may move together.

May the rhythm be our love,
And may the steps move in tandem,
And may my life be to perfect them.

Entrance me with your body,
As you sway with intention,
Every move to the sound of our affection.

Warm me with your embrace,
And I'll warm you with mine.
Hold me in every turn and twist

We'll swing till the moon light fades
And, the sun ceases to rise.
We dance Until we can dance no more.

That is my promise.

In grey halls, silent and cold
I glanced through a window
and you flew in - a petal of lavender, speckled with brown -
you fell to me when the wind gave in,
and tickled my skin.
So I smiled, and you stood up,
growing tall until you were fully formed.
But your limbs looked like mine,
and your petals bore a face.

So I took your hand and we started running,
through parched field and empty stream
drenched in orange summer spectacle.
the cicadas buzzed and whirred,
And we hummed along,
doing our best to join in.
You looked at me and smiled,
And told me of magic and beautiful things
that could enliven, brighten,
and even bring warmth to the cold.

So I asked where they were,
and you look distressed.
But I pressed again, and again, and again,
So you gave me a garment of leaves and string
which had hung from your back
and I felt warm and ran away,
while you cried and stayed put.
But my mother, she so proud and all-knowing,
at once knew who I was
and what I was holding!
condemning my act and demanding I return,
She shooed me away; with tears I ran out.

Deep underground, I buried my shame
but it soon sprouted stems,
and dark leaves grew too.
when its legs took form, it followed me home
but no one could see it,
a pale, shriveled child
with no arms or ears
that screamed as I moved,
and no one could hear.
so I grew afraid,
falling ill I withdrew.

The warmth had left, and the sun turned to black,
And my room became stone, with locks on the door
The girl soon returned
cognizant, but not loving
and she smirked and she danced
and sang as she moved
I felt cold and remorse, like I’d never yet felt.
She offered reprieve, but not like before
and i cursed her and yelled,
so she left, out the door.

I was once your prince,

I lived amongst the reeds and lilies,
a kingdom built on tides
And, in modesty you saw beauty,
in persistence, care.
Sustained by your benevolence,
Your power gave me purpose!
I prospered within your walls,
In streets and alleyways I danced,
And we shared a short age.

But, as the wells ran dry,
you left for climates more foreign.
When I had to return,
I found I had nothing left.
though adorned with jewels and robes,
They hadn’t a warmth, nor a heat
oh but if for a moment, I thought
“If I could relive that dream!”
But I’m left to wonder why it couldn’t last.

Only so often do I approach your gates,
with a watering can and boots in tow,
Asking myself:
“Will I ever share in your splendor again?”
“Where are you to make me beautiful?”

Cast your eyes on me and see,
where once your magic could enliven,
now your absence leaves a desolation
upon my heart,
upon my body.
And I languish here,
Again, wondering why,
Your love could lose your favor.

Mother,
Oh dear woman,
Please rest,
And May your heart be satisfied.

Proud,
brave as I am,
But you're never proud.
Though others,
By virtue of conformity,
May be lavishly praised,
And celebrated amongst your circle.

Mother, bring me close once more,
Put aside your fear,
Acceptance does not give way to damnation.
But love will free you
From this blight of hatred.

I pray you know,
That I may give
A love true, brave.

You fight me, mother
And I am so burdened
I hate, yet I love you so deeply.

The pain I endure
It shapes,
Teaches me a beauty.

I pray I may give,
What you have forgone:
A brightness and hope

Mother,
Comfort me,
Hold me tightly as before
When my screams brought you near,
And your best...
...An understanding.

A child,
I wander and learn,
And still you fear
But you cannot alter
Else what will I become?
I am no slave,
And your desires are your own.

Acceptance,
It will never **** you.
Love,
It will never implicate you.
Your avarice, zeal...
As you hate,
You are condemned

Collectors and thieves,
Were no less welcome.
The almighty's table,
A reminder
Where love forgave,
And brought me in.
Do you get it?

Who you turn away,
Who you blame and forsake,
Who you would sacrifice,
For your penitence

I am forever your child,
And You are forever my mother,
Against what do we fight so hard?
Ideals? Decisions?
How silly,
And how profane.
He who will judge,
One day,
Will laugh at your justice,
As penitence has already been made,
And will bring you in regardless

Oh nightmare, let me sleep!
I’ll awake anew,
Without these tattered sheets.
I’ll tear the dead fruit from the vine
and plant it somewhere safe.
Those old seeds will bear new crops!

Your memory’s a shadow,
Casting darkness over this boy.
And you are alive - thriving!
Haunt me no longer!
Sink back, fade to your home!
I shout curses at you from the roof top!

But, I sing to you from the study...
Woman, oh beautiful specimen, creature I loved;
Your form is a work of genius
I call to mind so vividly.
While you carry this heart,
I walk empty.

...And I have no control!
You tilt the wheel
And I capsize,
Without the skill to match your maneuvers.

Oh, when you were near,
Wind sweeping 'neath my footsteps,
I run with such haste
The race I make with every distraction
To be noticed,
To be loved.

Oh, but love is not a possession,
No more than an infant is.
No, it grows just like you and I,
Matures, bears fruit,
And multiplies.

I speak and think as if I could ever possess you,
Could ever earn you.
No, grace has put you here

You, an unwarranted,
Undeserved gift.

Beautiful,
Point your gaze my way
That I may study those beautiful bold lines
The creator has filled with color,
Having outlined you from the beginnig.
May your warm stare come in contact with mine,
And may I lose my self in God's wonderful design.

I wish to learn from every shape, bump, edge, and color
That God has deemed necessary to your design.

Look at me, my love.
You fill me with string orchestras and fireworks,
And make me feel so warm,
As you donate your loving attention to me,
And bless me with the slightest intention.

Draw back the waters,
moses, let me join.
bring down the waves, the tides,
and let me come to you.

Oh father, where has this wall come form?
Have you shielded me, blinded me from seeing your truth and you grace?
Are you ashamed of me, do you hate me,
do you wish me to burn away?
Oh father, where are you,
you’re needed more than ever,
God please just speak again.

I don’t like it.
No, my rebellion is in earnest,
the sting of my defiance is true,
aye, the tears that once defined a vision
now cloud more than ever before.
And I feel lost in angst, my hatred
And confused and disgusted all the same.
of what? I don’t know.
My struggle is as unclear as it always has been.

I wonder so often,
and I question incessantly,
why seeing you is so difficult.

I’m sad,
And it's okay to admit it now.
My loss is a clever art,
That grows and reveals more of itself over time -
Traipsing, as it does,
Down passageway and alley,
Ever out of reach,
But always in sight.

My hurt is a deep affliction,
And I wail in silence,
And smother my tears in fabric.
"Press on", as they say.
Those with either more strength
Or less patience
(I can never really tell).

As I sleep,
We walk, we play,
As children do,
And we laugh!
And we dance, spinning around
sometimes falling,
Oh but our falls are petty.

For a moment,
that thought of you is a welcome companion,
You and I are ideal once more
My hand clasped to yours,
We chase what light is left.
Together.

Oh,
I wish it could be.

Tumble.
Descend down earth, the ***** climbed.
And
Remember; when at once, your vision
Clouds.

Somewhere,
Amidst fog and spray, an
Ocean,
A child roams; searching, he…
End scene.

And then see,
You lay, prostrate. Next,
Sweet Tingles –
A feeling, emotion…
Yet false. Why?

And then the next
Scene, a woman
Kneeling, crying.
Your hands tremble,
Her lips tight.

Ah, but you know, a
Thought given
To time and regret.
Nothing as
sweet, but yet perverse.

To return, to dream: an
Escape.
You awake, eyes unclear,
Confused?
Wind, heavy lunar howls.

A bit of blood, dusty coat.
Stand,
Find your ground, approach your goal clear.
Walk,
Against the grave; yet to fall.