My heart is ready to be opened
like a newborn crying out
to be held for the first time
not knowing what comes next
when you let someone in

the question is ...

will it be all for you?

You stand close. Closer than your mind tells you the stand.
But here you are.
Once settled, I see the panic sweep in like a black cloud moving in. You flee the scene like you were never there.
There you go.

I see your figure coming towards me. Fast pace, head hanging low.
Here you are.
Standing in front of me, speaking words of sadness and regret until you get it all off your chest.
Then, there you go.

Despite all the harsh words spoken,
Here you are.
Back before I have time to wipe my tears away from my eyes. Why?
Is it me you miss, or the void being filled?
Before my question is answered,
There you go.

Stuck. Between a rock and a very hard place. Uncomfortable losses.
I try to free myself from the hold you have on me.
I wriggle and squirm and try to break free.
Finally, I am out. I smell the salty sea air like it's my first time breathing it in. I don't fear you leaving me, for I have already left.
I walk the park, with a stride in my step. Pride carries me along.
There I go.

And in this moment you consume me
But I'll breathe you out  
So you have no choice but to loosen your hands
around my neck

Happiness is a suit of armour that protects a solider from the gunshots and blood.

It is the sound of the enemy falling over the dead grass and laying still, eyes wide open. Gripping your own dog tag just make sure you’ll still alive.

Happiness is when the letters arrive right before a surprise attack. Holding onto the crumpled up paper, stuffed in a random pocket, hoping you will be able to write back.

It is finding a hole underneath a tree, big enough for you and your friend. And deep enough that you are buried in the earth like a worm squirming around.

Happiness is watching the sun fall every night, hands held, eyes closed and being able to say you survived another day.

I jump over the gap between the subway and yellow line
  like I step over the cracks on sidewalks that hold the past
in a crumpled up black and white paper
as suits with faces rush by with cell phones in hands
and plugs in their ears
  attempting to avoid the pity eye contact
with the needy man laying on his grey death bed
next to a baseball hat filled with worthless change
 barely enough for a coffee full of regret
  to share with the older students entering the doors of possibilities
allowing them to put one foot in front of each other  
 heads  held high

he rocks back and fourth in his chair
watching the smiles on his younger generation  run
pass the plates and   knives  on the dining room table
 waiting to be sawed   through the
bird that once had a heartbeat
like his own  that continues to pump
blood through his veins unaware of the ache his heart feels
with every beat he breathes  praying   he could only feel her  again  nothing can compare  as the scent of fresh pie waits in the air
 wondering if this is the last gift from God he will receive
as the wrapping paper covers the floor
 leaving the tree  empty underneath
the way his smile feels after a long year
he can only take so much without his bride   by his side