I miss you. It's not necessarily a physical miss. I miss you being the one I could text just to talk about all the little things going wrong with my day. The texts just to say good morning because you had me figured out. The random pictures just to make me smile and the adorable little things you would do. You made me feel like I could be a better person. Gave me a motivation no one else ever was able to. For the first time I almost believe I could be happy. Maybe even that I deserve to be happy. It's strange I really believed you cared about me. You showed more than any one else that you wanted what was best for me. Everything feels different now though. It feels like you have completely pulled out of my life. It has left a void in my day. When I would normally be telling you all about everything now I just sit and stare at a wall waiting until you decide I'm worth talking to again. It feels like forever since the last time you messaged me first. Maybe I should just take the hint and try to move forward in my life but honestly I just don't wanna move on in my life without you here. You told me you would never disappear but when you decide I'm too much of a hindrance to talk to everyday that is all it really feels like anymore.

You are unlike anyone I have known through out my life. You have a care and compassion for others that goes beyond yourself and that is just so rare these days. You aren't just one of the people who say they will be there, you back it up every time I start to slip back into my old ways. I've been fighting with my head and my heart for so many years constantly wondering if I will ever find happiness. Love turned from something of beauty to one of the most painful things I know. So much heartache and brokenness filled my life from the ones who claimed to love me. I reached a low that had only been hit once or twice in my life and it scared the hell out of me. Then all of the sudden I got a message from you and I thought it would be another day long conversation before it died out like the rest. The one day slowly turned into a week of getting to know each other. I thought you were pretty cool and could fit in with our little group. Sure you had a pretty face and were without a doubt cute but I never thought there would be any feelings developed. Then it evolved into a month of revealing parts of us we kept locked up from others. In a way it feels like I have known you forever so it is strange that it has been such a short time in reality. Now my favorite thing about waking up is getting to read your good mornings or finding your surprise picture you sent me while I was still passed out from the night before. I started to notice how beautiful your eyes were and how even when you are in the midst of a breakdown you still have a shine to them that makes me want to stare into them. Sure you have an absolutely stunning body, there is no doubt you are physically as attractive as they come but you also have a personality that gives me hope. Hope is something I have never been big on. I've never wanted to waste my time just sitting back and waiting for things to maybe happen but for you I have all the time in the world just to sit and listen to you. Whether it be the good or the bad or the tmi as you like to call it. I learn more about you every day I get the privilege to talk to you. The more I learn the more things I find about you that I adore. You look at yourself and you see all the things you consider to be problems, I look at you and I see all the things that make you who you are, the things that make you unlike all those other people who just fade in and out of my life. You brought back a spark in me that has revived my writing, that is something that is so rare. Especially for it to cause me to be able to pump out so many pieces in so short of a time. I am so thankful to you for that. It makes me remember why I started to write in the first place, to get out all of the things I keep bottled so deep within myself sometimes even I forgot they were there. Talking to you it makes me feel like I can actually amount to something one day, whether it be as a writer or as something I haven't even considered yet. You make me want to be better, to be the best that I possibly can. That incredible smile of yours, real, faked or in between, it just makes me want to prevent it from ever leaving your lips. I want to do anything I can to make sure you get to show off that amazing smile. It can brighten up the darkest days and honestly it makes me just want to kiss you. You have opened up to me in a way not many people ever have. You don't just say that you trust me or that you care, you prove it. Looking through my past I have so many things that i regret. Wish I could go back and change, make better, prevent from ever happening to begin with. For one of the first times in my life though when I look at my future it doesn't look totally gloom to me because I know you will be there.

I know you feel like your back is against the wall and you have no where to go but down. Your world seems to be crumbling apart and nothing seems to be going your way. People you thought you could trust are becoming the ones who are hurting you the most and people who just a month ago were strangers are becoming closer than your supposed best friends. It may feel like it is just going to keep getting worse until you hit rock bottom. I can't promise you that it is going to get better sooner than later but I can promise you that no matter what I am here for you. It has been a long time since I have felt this way about someone this quickly and powerfully. Something about you draws me to you. Makes me want to give everything I have and sacrifice anything I can to make sure you can smile. To make sure you get to keep those beautiful eyes sparkling and prevent any tears I can from blurring them. I have learned so much about you in the past few weeks. There have been things that honestly probably should've turned me away but all it did was make me care and want you more. Just seeing your picture puts a smile on my face. All I think about through out my day is talking to you. Finding out more about you and discovering who you really are. I love it. The more I learn about you the more I like you and care about you. You are the smartest girl I have ever gotten to know. You have a beauty to you that goes so far beyond just physical. The passion that radiates from you inspires me to care for things as deeply as you do. You have an amazing body, beautiful mind, loving heart and the most amazing spirit. You are attractive as they come in my eyes. The world has been a dark place but you, you are a supernova. The absolute beauty I see when it comes to you astounds me. You make this life worth living to me. My one biggest wish is that one day I am able to make you see this world the way you make me see it. To make you feel okay again and to be able to put that smile that I adore so much on your face so you don't have to have so many tears fall anymore. You deserve happiness and I hope one day I am able to make you happier than you ever thought possible.

You inspire me. To be a better person, a better man, to get back into my roots as a writer. For the first time in a long time I care about someone else more than I do myself and I forgot how good it can feel. I know life isn't what you expected it to be, trust me it isn't what I stay awake at night hoping for either. Since I met you though I do have to say I hate it less than I have in a long time. I made you a promise and for the first time I have made one in years I know I am going to keep it. You have affected me in a way that I never thought possible in a matter of weeks. I am not someone who believes a whole lot in faith or that things will happen when the time is right. I do have to believe though that there may have been no better time for our lives to collide. We both seem to be at a low point and neither of us really know how we are going to get out of it. At least now though we get to help each other. I want to be there for you. Not in a way other guys seem to say they are. I want to actually be there. I want to do what it takes to make you smile and make you have faith in things not being as bad as they seem on the surface. In less than a month I have been able to create four new pieces of writing I have not been able to do that since school. This whole thing may be complicated and confusing. People come and people go taking parts of us with them. Not always is that a bad thing though. Sometimes they take parts of us that were poisonous to us. Parts that were killing us slowly from the inside out that we never knew about. Leaving us a new spot for the next person to help bring out a good spot we never knew of. Promises I completely intend to keep are still a new thing to me but trust me when I say that I swear on everything I am that I am in this for the long run. I will give whatever I can to help you through the tough times and I will do anything I possibly can to make sure you get a smile as often as possible. We both have a long way to go before we reach a place of stability and total bliss but I am beyond how glad I could explain that I have you in my life to take the journey along side

No doubt in my mind, I can see why he likes you. In such a short time you have made such an impact in my mind and life. The more I get to know you, the better life seems to get. You make me feel like it could all be okay. Maybe not today or tomorrow but some day. I can actually talk to you when I feel like everything is falling apart and not feel like I am just bothering you and wasting your time. I keep on thinking I have figured you out then another layer of you reveals itself inspiring me to dig even deeper. I love learning about you, the way you think and feel, your past, your hopes for the future and your dreams. You intrigue me, people have never been a mystery to me. Everyone has a tell, a way to read what they are thinking and feeling. You though, you are a tough one to crack. It makes me want to keep learning, keep finding out more about you and what makes you tick. Every time I wake up and see that I got a good morning text from you it gives me motivation to make it through the day. When I receive a random picture from you I can't help but smile like an idiot. You have a beauty that amazes me. Stunning eyes and a smile to ****. The passion you show for the things you love is so inspiring.

Hello, I would like to introduce myself. I am a last resort. Nobody ever decides I am the kind of guy they could see themselves with. I know myself well enough to  know I am not the forever guy. Hell I am lucky if I even get to be the for a while guy. Most of the time I am just the for a few minutes guy. The one people turn to when they need a smile and to vent but no one else gives a **** enough to currently listen. I will sit and let you spew all the venom you wanna fling at them so you don't actually have to. Tell me exactly how you feel. Lie to me, tell me you miss me, you love talking to me, you wish you could find a guy like me. I know none of it is true. Then once you are done the next day you will be gone again. Back to the one who just the night before you couldn't stand. You couldn't believe how selfish, childish, distant and ignorant he was. Now though, now he is your prince charming, your one and only, the most amazing guy you have ever known and the guy you can't wait to marry. Then you have me. The one who will sink back into my pit of depression and just wait for the next person who needs a smile. That is all I am good for. To make others happy while I lose my fight with reality more everyday. Give the empty remains you leave of me to the bottles I always swore to stay away from. You all know I would give my all to make sure you get at least a few moments of peace in your hectic lives but what will happen when I run out of pieces to give because honestly I am approaching that point sooner and sooner and it scares me. The emptier I get the fuller the glasses I drink become. I know soon I will go out in a **** while you keep on shinning bright for the one you chose. Good for you. I am so happy for you. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy even if it means you are with someone else. See I can lie too. I have learned from the best. People wonder how I became so cold but it is easy when you are always left alone with your demons. I am never a first choice, I am what you call the last resort.

I wish I could say I have moved on from my past, that it doesn't keep me up at night anymore or that I forgot your name and the way you made me feel. I would love to wake up one day and not have to think about the spark that shined in your eyes guiding me through the eternal darkness I see when I'm alone. You told me you wanted to be the one who proved to me not all women are the same, not all of them will promise you things before disappearing making me question if they were ever honestly there to begin with. You were the one I spent my life looking for. For the first time possibly ever in my life I was willing to give all of me for something I cared about. You helped pick me up, gather the pieces of my heart off the ground and slowly put them back together. Said you would hold it for me, protect it with your all so it would never end up that way again. You brought out feelings and motivations in me that for many years laid dormant. I could never find a way to make myself give my all in the way you did in a matter of moments. You inspired me to become better, live my life in a way that for once was going to make me a man I could be proud to be. Get myself together, look towards the future, bigger, brighter plans that for once didn't just include myself with my misery. The biggest difference between you and all those girls in my past though is at least they decided to leave my heart laying on the ground. Broken, yes, but fixable. It may have taken years sometimes but I always managed to find the way to fix myself. You though, you took the whole **** thing with you. Left me with nothing but the feeling of complete emptiness in my chest. I have sank to a point I am not used to. Being left alone with my thoughts and demons now more than ever is tearing me apart. My days of being able to say no to drinking seem so far behind me, now all I can do is count down the time until I can try to drown my memories. Hope that maybe that next bottle will be the one that wipes my head clean of you. It's only a matter of time until I grow unable to cope anymore and throw the bottle to my head pulling the trigger one last time. Just know in those last few moments you will be the only thing I think of, not that you will ever think of me again.