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Jonah Lavigne Dec 2013
You show up
After 15 years
Duch bag
You disappeared
Didn't call
Didn't text
I didn't know you were alive
Untill I was 10
I tried to find you
For 5 years
Mom even tried to find you
Then you show up
Like nothing ever happened
Expecting to run my life
Well I've got news for you
I have a dad
I don't need you
I don't want you
In my life
*******
I have a dad
That was there
On my birthday
Christmas
My whole life
As far as I'm concerned
Your just some guy
You might be my blood
But your not my dad
Jason isn't my blood
But he is my dad
And he was ok with me and her
You weren't
He was there
You weren't
So I should have said this
when I met you
******* I have a dad
Jonah Lavigne Dec 2013
Whiskey
Beer
Hell ill even drink *****
Anything to take the pain away
Just to numb it even
Anything to make it feel better
I'm tired of all this *******
I hate it
I hate them
Getting drunk it'll make it better
Right?
No maybe not
Maybe ****
Maybe pills
Anything
Just make it go away
Ill find it at the bottom of a bottle
Or at the end of a blunt
Maybe in the pills
I don't know
I just want all the pain to go away
Jonah Lavigne Nov 2013
I feel pain
I feel guilt
I feel broken
I feel crushed
But most of all
I feel love
I feel love for you
I push my feelings to the side for you
I am there for you
I care for you
I am there when you need something
I am there when you need someone
I do all this for you
Because I love you
Jonah Lavigne Dec 2013
It's all thanks to you
It's all your fault
Thanks a lot
I'm happy
For the first time in a while
I'm smiling
All because of you
I was miserable
Depressed
But now
I'm happy
Joyful
Smileing
Thank you
So much
Jonah Lavigne Dec 2013
I've been with a lot
Of other girls
I ****** a lot of others
I'm not proud of it
They mean nothing
You mean everything to me
This world would mean nothing
Without you
My life would be meaningless
Remember this
As I tell you
You mean everything to me
Jonah Lavigne Dec 2013
They call me crazy
Because I used to cut
They call me crazy
Because I hate them
They call me crazy
Because of all my anger
They say I've gone insane
That I'm a cyopath
Well I can tell them this
You want to see insane?
You want to see a cyopath?
Sorry I'm not him
You lucked out here
I'm done with the cutting
Yeah I have a lot of anger and hate
But nobody sees it
Because I hide it
So am I insane?
Hell yeah I'm insane
But not how they think
Jonah Lavigne Dec 2013
They wonder what's wrong with me
I always say nothing
But truthfully
I'm ******
At "dad"
At "mom"
They can't control me
My heart
Or my life
**** them
I'm done with them
He has been gone 15 years
Shows up like nothing happened
Wants to control me
Tell me to leave her
Because she has a baby
Sorry I'm not not like him
I will never abandon her
Ever
So "dad"
*******
I hate you
Stay out of my life
"Mom"
Stop with the self pity *******
Nobody gives a ****
Your a ***** to everybody
And you wonder
why your losing you kids
Why they are turning against you
Because you a pill popping *****
A liar
A thief
Yea remember
$400
You stole
From me
I was a kid
You stole money
from a kid
Your kid
Well I'm not your kid
Not anymore
Tina is my mom
Hg is my dad
I have a family
But you and Jason
Took them
You wonder what's wrong
Well here you go
But you'll do like always
Just take some pills
And pass out in your bed
So you know what
******* both
Your not my family
I hate you both
My family is
Hg
Tina
My brothers
My sisters
My love
And her baby
That's my family
So you can
Get the hell out my life
Before I make you
Jonah Lavigne Mar 2014
Cuts so deep, blood so red
Clean it up, go to bed
Cry to sleep, dream of death
Wake up though, stop your breath
Starve your body, plague your mind
Keep it up, don't look behind
Throw up food, work all day
Watch your world fade to gray
Never can talk, silence is key
To far gone, nobody stop me
Take some pills, go to sleep
No one cares, you silently weep
Nothing left here, escape your head
Fly away angle, your already dead
Jonah Lavigne Dec 2013
It's your very first birthday, destine,
One candle on your cake;
Proud parents stare in wonder
At each new move you make.
We join in celebration,
As this special date arrives,
For baby has brought pleasure
Into all our lives.
We look forward now to seeing
How you progress and grow,
From the cute and tiny infant
You were one year ago.
So dig into your icing;
Enjoy your presents, too.
The reason for this day
Is a special person--you!
This poem is kinda old. I found it going through some I had put up
Jonah Lavigne Nov 2013
So sweet
So sound
Sleeping with mommy
Your mind wandering wide
Dreams so wonderful
No one will ever know
You look so beautiful
So peaceful
So quite
Lots to think about
Beautiful little baby
Laying there
So sweet
So loving
Good night
Sleep tight
We love you
Jonah Lavigne Nov 2013
as i stand here
in this pool of blood
i look at my wrist
i see the cuts
i see the scars
so many times
ive drug this blade
across my wirst
wondered if this is it
this time is diffrent
is this it?
was this my life
a sea of misery
moutains of pain
rivers of hate
finaly its all over
im getting cold
im getting tired
as this pool grows
at my feet
i think finaly
i get to leave
i collaps
evrything gets blury
i slip in to my slumber
never to wake again
Jonah Lavigne Nov 2013
looking at these blades
i think of so many failed attempts
ive washed them in my blood
hoping this will be the one
but it never came
this time it will
this time ive sharpened
honed the edge
this time ill feel it
as i drag it across my wrist
feel my veins pop
feel it slice my fleash
feel my blood seep from my body
i think finaly
this is it i can feel it
once, twice, three times
now the other
one, two, three
now im standing here
i feel my life slowly sliping away
i see him in the shadows
come to take me away
i tell him finaly
you show your ******* face
he chuckels says
not yet
and disappers
im standing in a pool of blood
my blood screaming
fine i try again
every night untill
you take me
Jonah Lavigne Jan 2014
Ha ha
Joking
I'm never leaving you
Jonah Lavigne Dec 2013
**** this
**** childish *******
I'm done with it
**** it all
I'm better than that
I don't start ****
So don't start **** about me
**** all of you
If you doubt me
Yeah I'm white
Yeah I'm country
Yeah my girl has a child
But you know what
I'm proud of all of it
I'm happy about all of it
So **** it
I'm done
Jonah Lavigne Dec 2013
It will all end
Fire will end it
It will all burn
And I'm going to cause it all
**** this world
Lets make another
From the ashes
Of this hell
**** all this
I'm done with it all
I'm going to watch it burn
laughing
Lighting it
Burning it all
Watch everyone die
Burn to death
The smoke
Black as night
And when it's all gone
We will rise
And **** you all
Bye
Jonah Lavigne Jan 2014
Bye
All I can say is
..........................
Nothing
Not a word
Bye
Jonah Lavigne Feb 2014
Everytime I try to help
It comes back on me
It always backfires
I get ******* over everytime
I do the right thing
But I get the short end of the stick
I get called names
I get picked on
I don't do anything
Because it's not worth my time
But now I'm tired of it
**** y'all
Every single person
Who has ever hurt me
******* me over
Lied to me
Every last one of you
I'm nothing because of you
The happy little kid I once was
He's dead
He's gone
I'm an empty shell
Incapable of feeling
A sucidal freak
*******
You made me this way
Your dirt
No your worse than dirt
Your hated by everybody you meet
Nobody likes you
Nobody loves you
I'm sitting here
With this gun in my mouth
And if I pull the trigger
It's on you
You deserve it
No you deserve worse
But no
I won't
Maybe another day
Jonah Lavigne Dec 2013
Will anybody accept me
See I'm tring to help
Will they
That's all I try to do
I can't remember
The last time I was selfish
All I try to do is help
And all they do is hurt me
Well I'm done with it
Fed up with it
You don't want my help
then fine
Suffer
See if I care
All they do
Is cause me pain
**** that
No more
I think I'm a good person
I hope I'm a good man
We will see who is happy
In the end
I'll have the woman I love
In my arms
A roof over our head
Food on our plate
And plenty more
that I can promise
And they will
Have nothing
And see if I care
Jonah Lavigne Jan 2014
Two things
I hate the most
Cheaters
Liars
You cheat on me
You don't deserve me
You don't deserve to be happy
And I will find out
I always do
You lie to me
You don't deserve my trust
I'll never believe
a word you say ever again
But you do both
You break everything
I ever had for you
I'll never want to see you again
Because the kind of pain
That will come
Will break me
Destroy me
**** me
I'll hate you
Until my heart stops
Which won't be long after.
You cheat on me
We will work through it
You lie to me
We will work through it
But you do both
And I'll **** him
This is my worst fear that you will cheat on me and lie about it if you do tell me when it happens but all my trust will disappear because your the only person I've ever trusted
Jonah Lavigne Dec 2013
Ripped up jeans
Oil stained shirt
Muddy boots
Been busy
****** camo
Sharp knife
Meat on the table
Had fun
Muddy truck
Passed out in said truck
Beer cans on the floorboard
Had a party
Happy woman
Happy child
Run down man
That's a country boy
That's me
Jonah Lavigne Feb 2014
You, my love
Are my everything
My heaven in hell
My diamond in the ruble
My star in the night sky
I love you
Your the only one for me
The one I love
The one I cherish
I'll take your burdens
And make them my own
Make your problems mine
Love your child as my own
I already love her as my own
Your the camo to my stand
The bullet to my gun
The doe to my buck
Our true country love
The greatest
The strongest
The truest
Of all
Jonah Lavigne Feb 2014
I haven't in two years
But now I can't stop
I don't tell you
Because I don't want
You worrying
I love you
And I don't want to lose you
I can't talk
I can't breath
I can't do anything
But I want you happy
And I such a *******
Because I know
Your going to read this
Should I press save
No
I should delete it all
Never speak of it
I should
But I can't
I'm sorry baby I really am I love you I'm really really sorry please don't be mad at me
Jonah Lavigne Nov 2013
what is death?
is it good
or is it bad
most are scared
but not me
i would welcome death
with open arms
like and old friend
but not today my love
you hold me from him
you keep me alive
our love keeps me alive
with out you
i would be nothing
so i ask again what is death
is it torture
a lifetime without
your smile
your face
your voice
a night time
of nothing
blazing hot
or would
you be waiting
for me
siting and waiting
siting and waiting
in our own paridise
death
would be a doorway
one life
with you
for another
Jonah Lavigne Apr 2014
Death, cry, suicide
Maybe I will laugh in time
1,2,3,4 suicide is asking more
5,6,7,8 maybe this is my fate
9,10,11,12 my body dies and silence fell
12,11,10,9 and now they all cry
8,7,6,5 my mind is going on a ride
4,3,2,1 we hang ourselves and they run
Jonah Lavigne Mar 2014
I'm not afraid
I used to be
Not anymore
I'm not afraid to die
I'm not afraid of death
Not afraid to see blood
Not afraid to see my blood
Not afraid of any of it
It doesn't scare me anymore
I've learned the hard way
Don't be afraid of anything
Don't be afraid of anyone
It does no good
Fear is a veil
Thin and see through
Fear is nothing
Nothing to feel
Nothing but emptiness
I'm not afraid of death
When it's my time
I'll go with no problems
I'll have regrets
But when I go
I go
Death doesn't scare me
It shouldn't scare anyone
Jonah Lavigne Dec 2013
You know what I'd do
You know what I've done
What I've given up
What I'm going to do
I'd give up more
Do more
For you and her
I love the both of you
I think I have what it takes
But do you
I think I'm ready
But do you
She might not be mine
But I'll treat her like my own
Family is family
Blood or not
I'd give anything for you and her
I love you
I love her
So I ask again
Do you think I'm ready
Jonah Lavigne Dec 2013
I have not smiled
I have not laughed
I have not been happy
since you left
I have done nothing
sat in my room
stared at a TV
my heart
wants to give out
wants to stop beating
my head feels
like its going to burst
all of this since
you left
I understand why
I get it
I can wait
but Im worried
worried you will find another
but like I said a million times
its whatever makes you happy
id walk through hell
knock on the devils door
and fight him
if it makes you happy
there is nothing I wouldn't do
for you
Jonah Lavigne Dec 2013
You step in my life again
I beat you in the dirt
Mess with my life again
I ******* up
Mess with my love
I **** you
So
Best bet
Stay away
Jonah Lavigne Jan 2014
Well your back
Thank god
But you doubt us
I live you
I don't want you to leave
But I don't know
What to do any more
I'm just an empty shell
In capable of feeling
But for some reason
I feel a love
Stronger than anything
For you
But what you did
It hurt
The worst pain I ever felt
Times a million
But I don't say anything
Not anymore
For fear if hurting you
I'll just slap on a fake smile
I've had plenty of practice
I can do it again
Believe me I love you
More than I love god
More than I love life
I just hope you know
Jonah Lavigne Dec 2013
They left it baited
Waiting for their next prey
When I came stumbling along
I saw it and took it
But that's when it all happened
You were the bait
And when I saw you
I triped the wire
I fell in a trap called love
I'm stuck in here
Can't get out
No matter if I did try
But I won't
Because its paradise
Everything I can hope for
Everything I can dream of
It's all here
But what really makes me stay
Is you
Because you are here with me
And that's paradise enough
Jonah Lavigne Dec 2013
I'm sitting here
Starring at these flames
Thinking
Why are we here
What's our propose
It seams like
We are here to suffer
Gods little pawns
His entertainment
It seams we are here
To hurt
Feel pain
Feel heart break
But worst of all
Love
It hurts
Not to see your love
But we don't give up
Fire
It's just like love
Hot
It can hurt
But if you choose
the right person to light
Your fire
It's good
It creates heat
Light
Life
So I'm sitting here
Looking at this fire
Thinking of you
Your warmth
Your heat
Your love
You
I need you
I need you now
Jonah Lavigne Jan 2014
**** this *******
I'm done
I quit
I give up
Your drunk as ****
Don't know your own name
Don't hear me talking to you
And after all this
You never said
"I'm sorry I lied to you"
I told you I'd try to forget it
No matter how much it hurts
To just hold it in
I still do for you
I'm done talking about it
Because all you do is say
I know
I know
I know
Then I find out
You trust him more than me
Yet you say
Your in love with me
Well you don't show it
No apology
No remorse
No regret
Nothing
I'm not leaving
But what if I did?
Any other guy would
Robert would
Trey would
Joey would
Everybody I ask
Say they would end it
Right then and there
Because if I lose you
I'll put a bullet in my head
I love you
But I don't see it from you
I want to marry you
Have kids with you
Spend the rest of my life with you
I love you
More than you will ever know
And I hope you do to
Jonah Lavigne Dec 2013
**** it
**** it all
**** friends
**** family
**** the world
**** life
I'm done with it all
I'm done with stupid *******
I'm done with pain
I'm done with misery
I'm done with heart break
I'm done with every ******* thing
**** it all
And you know what
**** this life
I'm done with it
You can have it
Jonah Lavigne Nov 2013
**** it
im done
i give up
im traped
no freedom
just take me out
put me out my misery
make it quick
make it slow
i dont give a ****
im done with life
im done with all this ****
im done with everything
**** it
**** this life
im ******* done
Jonah Lavigne Feb 2014
*******
You don't let me do ****
I have no freedom
I can't see my love
Because if you
I don't do ****
Because of you
*******
I want to leave
Move out
What if I do that
It would be your fault
You ran me off
They can tell you
"It's not you fault"
I'm here to tell you
It's all your fault
So *******, *****
As soon as I'm 18 I'm leaving
Moving out
You won't see me for a while
And keep it in your mind
That it's your fault you lost a son
That's why on of them
Doesn't talk to you as it is
Because you do nothing for him
Well I need clothes
I've needed them for month
I need money for school
I need books, pens, shoes and more
I've needed it for months
But do you help?
No I get the money some how
I'm 15 I can't have a job
But I get the money some how
All you do it is buy your pills
And buy for your little baby
My 10 year old sister
So *******.
Your nothing but a dope headed *****
Jonah Lavigne Dec 2013
It seems like when something happens
Everybody at school finds out quick
Well that's life
Everybody knows
Like just a while ago
Me and my girlfriend broke up
Well my ex
Corners me in the hall way
Tries to kiss me
When I push her away
She says
What your single now
I just walked away
Turned around and said
Not even if you we're the last ******* earth
And walked away
Then a **** tries
Then another
It's to the point
It's getting on my nerves
***** man
What are you going to do
Hahahahahahaha
Jonah Lavigne Dec 2013
I can't hear anything
Exept your voice
I can't see anything
exept your face
I can't feel anything
Except your body
I'm going crazy
Lock me in a padded room
Dope me up and lay me down
I miss you too much
I love you too much
My love, you are my world
I've given up so much for you
My life has changed for ever
And I couldn't be happier
But not being with you
Not talking to you
It's making me go crazy
So again
Lock me up
Dope me up
And lay me down
So I can go crazy
With love
My heart is a padded room
Love is my dope
And you are what's making me go crazy
I love you
Jonah Lavigne Nov 2013
hate
what is hate
hate is felling
is actions
is words
but to me
hate is everything
but
hate can not exist
without love
hate and love
they are two halves of a whole
one can not exist without the other
you see, my love
i hate many people
but i love you
they battle within me
my love for you
withstands all
nothing can tarnish it
nothing can destroy it
i love you
but with that love comes worry
worry ill lose you
my love for you
stands me up
keeps me going
without you
i would have givin up
you keep me from that
my love, you are my light
my every thing
in this cold bitter world
so i say now
i love you
no matter what
Jonah Lavigne Dec 2013
The most important things in my life
Are those two
That's all I care about
I want them happy
I want them taken care of
I want her to have no complaints
That's all I care about
nothing else
I don't care about anything
Just those two
That's it
They are my life
Untill I die
Hey
Jonah Lavigne Dec 2013
Hey
Hey




Guess what




I love you
Jonah Lavigne Nov 2013
hey you
yea you
come here
i want to tell you something


*******
to the two people i hate most
Jonah Lavigne Nov 2013
how am I any different
im a person
is it my country accent
is it my ripped up jeans
my oil stained shirt
maybe my mud boots
the music I listen to
what is it
why do you call me weird
is it the scars all over my body
because I fight to much
is it my torn up hands
my cut up body
what is it
please tell me
or is it my girl
the fact that
im the luckiest man alive
are you jealous
because im happy?
because she is happy?
because she has a baby?
well let me tell you something
ill treat that baby
like my very own
oh that's what this is about
well allow me to open your eyes
I love her and that baby
ill take care of them
ill raise her like I would my own
that's all I have to say
good bye
Jonah Lavigne Mar 2014
It wasn't my fault
It's yours
I didn't ******* over
You ****** me over
*******
I hate you
I hope you burn in hell
Leave me the **** alone
I was happy
Until you ****** it up
I want nothing to do with you
I hope you ******* suffer
It's all your fault
I'm done with you
I'm done with all of this
*******
I'm done
Bye
Jonah Lavigne Feb 2014
I'll die
We all do
Most die of stupidity
Some die peacefully
Not me
I'll die on my terms
I'll fight for my freedom
I'll fight for my girl
I'll fight for her daughter
I'll fight for my family
You hit me
You better pray
I go down and don't get up
If I do
You better run
I'll fight
I'll never back down
I won't win because I'm the biggest
I won't win because I'm the strongest
I'll win because
I have something worth fighting for
I'll go down swinging
I'll die with my finger on the trigger
Jonah Lavigne Feb 2014
I can't see the scars
I can't remember how many
I'm asking you
How many do you think
How many times
Have I drug a blade across my wrist
Hoping it will end
Hoping this is it
Do you remember why I started
Do you remember what you did
How much pain
Was locked inside
Waiting to be let out
A monster within
Clawing at the gates
Each cut let a little out
But killed me a little more
I was hoping it would end
But it didn't
Like always
But **** it
It will happen one day
Jonah Lavigne Dec 2013
When your here
But your not
I can't wait
Till your back in my arms
Back with me
Till we can be together forever
I love you
And I can't wait
to hear you say it back
In person
To feel your lips on mine
To feel me holding you
And I'll never let go
I swear baby
Jonah Lavigne Dec 2013
I'd rather die
Than be away
I'd rather die
Than lose you
I'd rather die
Right here
right now
Than be told
I can't see you
I can't be with you
I'd do anything for you
Anything to make you happy
What ever it takes ill do it
I love you baby
Forever and always
Jonah Lavigne Dec 2013
They are gone
All of them
They are dead to me
Almost my whole family
I haven't forgotten them
But it's their fault
They couldn't accept us
They didn't like
Us being together
So I said **** them
Me and my dad
We no longer talk
Me and my brother
We have drifted apart
Me and my whole family
No longer talk
I said **** them
Ill choose you over them
Any day
any time
I've gave all of them up
All of them
For you
Please
Don't make me regret it
I love you
I miss you
Ill go crazy with out you
You are all I have now
As far as I care
I have no family
Jonah Lavigne Jan 2014
All of this
I did for you
I gave up friends
I gave up family
I gave up my father
My brother
My sister
I almost lost my mom
For you
All this and more
I did for you
I'm there
when you need me
I'm there
when you need something
Anything you need
Anything you want
I'll get it
Half my family
Ive known my whole life
I said **** them
For you
And this is how you repay me
It's ****** up
Don't get mad when you read this
Jonah Lavigne Jan 2014
I bought it
Thought you loved me
Its a nice ring
Lot of money
But wait
I threw away the receipt
Now I'm stuck with it
It's your size
Fit for your hand
Perfect for you
Thought I'd marry you
Have children with you
Spend my life with you
Guess I thought wrong
So what do I do with it
Can't return it
So what
I guess it's just going to sit there
Next to my bed
A forever reminder
Of the only love I'll ever have
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