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Jonah Lavigne Feb 2014
It hurts so bad
Those painful thoughts
That you might leave me
They hurt
But I try to withstand it
Hoping you won't
Hoping you realize
You love me more
That I'm better for you
I'm better for your daughter
Or that it's all a sick joke
And everyone is in on it
I lay awake every night
Crying
Praying
I haven't eaten in three days
Slept four hours in three days
Because I'm so scared
I'll lose you
I love you
I always will
No matter your choice
Jonah Lavigne Feb 2014
That's all I feel
Pain
And love
That's it
And it hurts
I love you
My love
Jonah Lavigne Feb 2014
"Hey jonah call me"
That's the first text
You ever sent me
I called you
Thinking
Something's wrong
"Is everything ok?"
"Yeah I just wanted to talk"
I think
She called me
Just to talk?
"About?"
"I'm bored"
"Oh sorry I'm at work"
"Aww ok bye"
"Bye"
I got in trouble
With my boss
But I didn't say anything
I worked all day thinking
She called me
Just to talk?
I ended up
Not worrying about it
I still remember the first call
I was asleep
I heard my phone ring
I wake up
It's 11:30
I have to get up at 5:00
I answer it
"Hello?"
"Hey jonah"
"Samantha?"
"Yeah"
I was prepared
To tell who ever it was
I have to get up
At 5:00 bye
But no
I said
"Hey what's up?"
"Nothin can't sleep"
"Oh. Dam that *****"
"Yeah. What you doin"
"Talking to you"
"Besides that"
"Sittin in my bed"
"Oh well I'm tired now"
"Ok good night"
"Night"
I loved you then
I love you now
I was hunting
Sittin in my deer stand
I look at my phone
Your calling me
Anyone else
Id text
In the deer stand
Can't talk
But no
I answer it
"Hey jonah"
I hear you crying
"Hey are you ok?"
"Robert left me"
And I sat there
Listened
Got you to stop crying
Then called him
And talked three way
I was glad you called.
I still remember all of that
I love you
We were best friends before
I always wanted more
That was two years ago
Now it's more
I'm the happiest person ever
That's three months ago
Now I'm about to lose you
I can't lose you
I'll go insane
I love you
I'll do anything
I swear
I'm in so much pain
Pain I don't care about
Because I want you to stay
I throw it aside for you
I still remember
That first text
And that first call
And I always will
That's all true baby I still remember when we first met. But that's for another time. I love you and I don't want to lose you. I'm good for you. I'm good for your daughter. I'll do anything for y'all I swear it.
Jonah Lavigne Feb 2014
I hide it from you
The only thing
I've ever hidden
From you
I hide the pain
I swallow it
Because I don't want to hurt you
I hold it in
Keep it to myself
I don't want you to see it
But you peek through the cracks
You see within me
Though not enough to know
I don't want to let you know
And scare you away
You ask what's wrong
That's why I'm writing this
But I'm scared to click save
Because I know you will read it
I'm scared you will see how damaged I am
And leave
I'm so close to losing you already
I can't lose you
I just can't
I love you
That's why I hide it
You can hear it in my voice
And you want to know
So I'll tell you
It's the pain
The painful thought of losing you
I haven't cried in years
Now I cry every night
It feels weird
But I'm willing to do anything
Just to keep you
I don't want you to go
I'll shake his hand
Tell him I respect him
Please baby
Please don't leave me
I'm begging
I'll do anything
I hide the pain for you
I protect you from it
But you want to know
So I'll tell you
My insides burn
They rot
I don't want to lose you
The thought of it
Makes me want to die
I love you
And I love destine
Remember that
Jonah Lavigne Feb 2014
I know what it is
All the *******
Pilled  up inside
Cramer in to a bottle
And shoved down my throat
But I did it to myself
I put it in the bottle
I shoved it down my throat
I caused it all
The bottles cracking
But I seal the cracks
Because I don't want to hurt anyone
Some of it leaked through the cracks
I say things
Things I would never say
To my brother
To my sister
To my mother
To my friends and family
I seclude myself from them
I stay away
I lock myself in my room
And I sit there
I could **** myself
But I can't put that guilt on her
Her, the love of my life
The one I might lose
The one I want to keep
The one I can't lose
My insides burn
And my heart
What's left of it
Is falling apart
I'll do anything to keep her
I'll do anything for her
But I've said that
A million times before
I'll let her choose
I can promise her anything
But it's her choice
Jonah Lavigne Feb 2014
Who you chose
It's up to you
I love you
If you chose me
I can promise
A life of happiness
A life of pride
You will be able
To say my man is there
Anytime I need him
I will give you what you want
I will take care of your daughter
I'll be there when she needs me
I swear it
I have your ring
I plan on marrying you
Spending my life with you
It's your choice
I just hope
You make the right choice
Jonah Lavigne Feb 2014
That pain in my gut
It feels like something's
Eating me away
Wearing me down
And I don't know why
Is it all the loss I've suffered
All the people that are no more
The ones that are no longer my family
The ones that are no longer my friends
Is it because of her
The guy she's talking to
Is it just pain
An endless burn
Sting
Throb
Rot
Decay on the inside
It kills me every day
And I don't know why!
Just end it!
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