Sitting in a crowded room full of friends and family yet still utterly alone. Joking, laughing being a fool yet still alone. Why do I feel so lost and alone no matter what I do. This feeling as if I will never be good enough. To not be alone consumes me, burns me, drives me. Will it ever end, till that day I still sit alone in this crowded room.

The emergence of insanity with sanity, as the leaves of time fall. Wondering what place will my leaf alone. Drifting in the ether as it has been all this time, or will I find myself amongst another leaf who’s crazy just like mine.

The constant state of pain whether it's internal or never feeling like I am good enough for anyone. Always in a state of flux never-ending always hiding within my self pushing back all these feelings putting on a mask of humor and weirdness to the forefront for all to see. I just feel lost in a dark room and there is no light that I can see. Just want to find that love from her to make me feel like we are one. Till then I wander in this dark room for now.

I constantly fight the duality of my own nature. Seeming likely to let the depression of the past overwhelm me to the point of reply and insanity. Ever stuck in moments of blurred truths and angry memories. Wanting to let go as I am stuck in a constant repeat. The looming darkness that is ever-present hoping to see the light someday.  
Posey 2019

The mask I hide behind is cracking, fading and the black that has always lingered just beneath the surface it starting to come forth as the black moods are more prevalent. Constant battle in me, questioning should I let him out the one only few have seen or do I hold out as the weight keeps growing. Parts of me crumble and break I truly feel like I am bare holding on to smoke.

The ever incumbent thoughts of what possible outcomes, the various paths one takes in life. Wondering if this path that leads you here would have been different if a certain choice had changed. One of the deepest thoughts of the mind of my own madness,  that allows me to see all the pain in others as the eyes are like a vivid window that reveals all. Then hides his own like a mask. Letting humor lead me through life with the ever-presence of despair and utter feeling of failure. At times the weight of the world is easier than dealing with my own thoughts. If you see the pain and suffering in my heart some would be crushed and most would be brought to there knee's. Till that day I finally let it consume me like a fire, I will fight.

Even the strongest branch needs the rest of the tree to live, or it breaks off and dies. Just as the emotional balance is a thin line of chaos and tranquility. Lost in a dark room with no light to see, welcome to real life. The constant pressure of feelings of nothing brings the emptiness of being alone.

Posey 2019