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to my darling who feels she's not:
our separation is mere illusion.
truly, your pain strikes me as i write this;
your sensations of abandonment,
and the decisiveness they have caused,
bleed from my skin into the fibers of my clothes.
i am no longer clean.
i do not feel pure.

to my severed arm and shortened tendons:
destruction is merely another side of life.
out of disappearance comes all things-
without space, there would be nothing to contain us,
nothing to allow and enfold our beings' spirits,
and they would sputter and cease like my love's flame.
i am no longer yours.
i do not feel full.

to the farthest star that my eyes can see:
your light reaches me- i glimpse you!
in the perceived emptiness between us
there is no distance to be found;
around us exists the infinite potential for
further connection and deeper growth in closeness.
i am no longer alone.
i do not feel sorrow.
I have wasted my life
worrying
and cowering
and sleeping
and crying
feeling so scared and alone
acting so ******* fragile
but now
I have a real reason to be afraid
a fear that looms
and cackles
and quakes me with fear--


I have no doubt
that I have wasted my years,
I've had ample time to grow
but remain stunted
a child still shivering in her own bruises and blood
wondering why her family doesn't love her
why no one loves her
I haven't moved on
I haven't changed
I've never lived
more than once--
the best years of my life
the best people
are behind me
ahead is work and bills and disappointment
I ****** up
I ****** up bad
I haven't made a dent in this world
no not even a scratch
I've done nothing
been nobody
and It makes me so scared
and so sad
that I'm not sure what to do
how do I move on
how do I progress
how do I start living my life
                                         a life
                                    any life
I'm desperate to know
how to fix my wrongs
I'm desperate to believe
there's a way I can come back
from this mistake.
Where do I begin?
I haven't lived enough to be interesting to possible friends
I wasn't raised so I don't know how to interact with other people
or environments
or how to deal with things
or emotions
or events
what the **** do I do
I'm so ******* scared.
It's time for the rehearsal
a hearse rolls
up the gravel driveway
the highway
is closed for business
bunnies
in black suits
hopping along with white flutes
playing along with the tune
coughing in the fumes
the tiny angel is shouting
it's a parade
it's a parade
scratching at boils sprouting
pretending
pretending
the earth isn't covered in something blacker than shade.
 Feb 2015 Johnny Overseas
Lewis
With so much mass connectivity
and trading of information
I can't help but feel
like everyone is slipping farther away
from REAL people
from REAL experiences
Just a thought. I really felt the need to put something up since it has been so long, unfortunately I'm not feeling too inspired this morning.
Oh you pretty young thing
you skinny darling
sit right down here
back straight
chest forward
smile big
and you eat that plate,
appetizer
four course meal
and desert
don't you worry skinny-Minnie
nobody's going to bat an eye.

Hold up-
wait right there fat-Phara
don't you touch a thing!
stand back against the wall
away from the table away from the food.
we know how you try
you lumpy woman you,
don't you eat
that appetizer
four course meal
and desert
because all the skinny-Minies
and all the fat-Pharas
will be watching you
judging you
disgusted by your intake.

Don't tell me it's genetics
this world doesn't run on logic
you're lazy Phara,
so you stand against the wall
and judge the other Pharas
and smile at the Minies
because that's how things should be.


I know you want to eat that meal
the same as them,
but if you work hard
keep standing
maybe one day
you'll sit down without breaking the chair,
here,
take a mint,
it'll hold you over till tomorrow.
She breathes fire
from the depths of her soul,
She shouts victory
from lungs black as coal,
Her nostrils flare
and her eyes, a chilling stare.
She breaths fire,
for all those who admire.

She cracks her wings
and snaps her tail
to the awe of kings
always without fail.

her stomach rumbles
low and deep
making theirs
humble and meak.

Her heart burns like embers
her bones like sturdy trees,
a name no one remembers
that once made armies flee

Fire comes out like a spout
from her mouth
from her throat
from her heart and soul,
fire comes out
and without a doubt
fire will take its toll.

She breathes in smoke,
and kindles the flame,
body dragging low
head to the ground
but eyes to the sky,

She breathes fire to the earth,
and lets the ashes fall to heaven.
The only way to really know me,
is to read my poetry.
I've only ever shown my poetry to the internet,
making sure nobody knew who I was,
until I met a boy who read my poetry,
and loved it
and helped me with my problems
and turns out I knew him in reality.
He's a ******* now but that doesn't matter.

I then let someone else see it,
someone I saw in person daily,
that was a big step as I wasn't entirely trusting but-
I think my trust, my faith has been betrayed
As then someone else I knew followed me,
and then someone else,
and then someone else.

No, no,
all these poems I have saved as drafts
because I'm scared-
because I see them in reality
because it's all too much for me.
So it can't go on.

Every now and then,
I'll post a poem or two,
but nothing too incriminating.
But other than that,
this is my farewell.
It hurts because there are poems on here I really do like
but I let one person see my account
and from there too many people
followed me,
too many people who know my name
and face.
that's unacceptable,
I've never wanted that.
They can't know my story,
I don't trust people like that,
people who can touch my skin.

So that's it,
Goodbye Fish and all the poems I wrote here,
goodbye your kind words and likes and follows.
Thank you for taking the time to read my words,
all you lovely strangers.

Farewell, Hello Poetry.
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