*****.
and how it smelled on your breath,
it was a miracle if the scent didnt linger,
within closed walls,
tight spaces,
they scare me to this very day,
all because of how you became,

Fights,
fought to near death,
I remember you with a knife in your hand,
threatening to end it for yourself,
as well as him,
there was anger in your voice,
behind your drunken slur,

All I could do was watch,
helpless and scared,
I was only 5 at the time,
No Wait! Younger
I was no more than 3 and a half or 4, yet, the memories, they don't leave me,

There was no mommy to run to,
she was the one creating all the fuss,
and, daddy...
well, he was already gone,
kicked out for my mothers selfish reasons,
she claims he hit her,
but my dad? no,  he would never,
(despite his tempter)

People are quick to wonder,
why I am the way I am,
Always forgives,
but extremely hesitant to trust,
ever again...
It has always been a problem I've had,
never thought to solve it,

Thats what happens,
when you grow up too quickly,
surrounded by violence and promises,
that only turned into lies,
as time  went by,

No babygirl,
mommy hasn't been drinking,
she's just tired,
Yeah Right
Wasn't that what you said the last time,
I caught you in a lie,
when I found the liquor bottles,
stashed in the cabinets,
you said you wanted to change,
For me
For Family
For Everybody
But I find it impossible to leave,
as I sit with my recollection of childhood memories
*worth forgetting

Solve problems with a razorblade,
nope thats the old life,
find another way to keep the pain away,
because always having to hide your wrists,
is no way to live life,

Listen to the beat of a heart,
not completely broken,
just bruised on the outside,
Making moods change like kalidescope eyes,
never knowing what comes next,
makes life one big suprise,

Try to change the things you can; don't let the things you can't drive you crazy,
Accept it: *just keep going

Words so passionate,
they belong on billboards,
to warm the the hearts of people in passing cars,
and remind them, that there are sweeter things,
than improper goodbyes on guilted paper,

Eyes that give way to your deepest desires,
only for peoples bad energies,
to turn that fire into dying embers,
and then for only ash to remain,
and vanish in the wind,

A mind of a poet and a realist,
smashed into one,
to make words sound like master pieces,
slid off the tounge,
liked by some,
and treasured by many,
these are the feelings you bring to me,
and I wouldn't change it for anything,
for you are the reason this heart is still beating,
and the reason my wrists will soon be clean,
forever,

Let thoughts fly,
And stain like watercolors,
In your minds eye,

Let creativity spark,
And bring past memories,
Back to make you smile,

Let there be joy,
In a world,
Where there is a significant lack of,

Let this actually happen,
Instead of just dwelling in the back of the mind,
Of a true flower child.

What have we become?
Sometimes just talking,
For minutes at a time,
If that,

And when we do exchange pleasantries,
I almost always have to leave too suddenly,
Leaving proper goodbyes in the dust,
And me to feel guilty until the next time we speak,
And the cycle repeats,

But set aside the sudden moments,
And broken goodbyes,
There is hope,

Hope that I may one day,
Get to lay in your arms,
With nothing to fear,
Just getting to feel your warmth,
And maybe one day,
It will all be perfect,
And we'll have our happy ending,

But until then,
Short, choppy conversations,
And improper goodbyes,
Are the price we have to pay,
For love.

Blood stains like ink,
So I'll fill this pen, and write your name,
Not like it isn't written all over my heart anyway.

What is the definition of forget?
It's something I simply can't wrap my head around,
I was lost before you found me,
And held me tight,
Just to provide false hope,
And watch as I fall,

What is a good way to move on?
To pretend that all is well,
That nothing was wrong in the first place?
Well my dear, that is a one way ticket,
On a crazy train toward denial,
Followed by...
Followed by thoughts that would scare even the darkest minds

Have you ever dreamt of taking the plunge,
I'll tell you, every fire escape I see,
I can see my self jump off of,
I've wondered how it would feel,
Just for the blade to graze my wrists
The slightest bit of pain would,
More than likely end this,

This never ending depression,
That everyone's been building on,
Making me wonder if I even belong here,
Or if I should have died,
In my mothers careless arms,
Instead of moving on to a world,
That would only build me up,
To watch me tumble and fall,
And build these scars that lay on my arms,

Reminding me that I am no better than I make myself out to be,
No better than the foolish people around me,
No better than the one who created me
The one who to this day,
Believes she is okay,
Instead of facing reality,
And realizing that by hurting herself,
She's hurting me,

But oh, that's the *** calling the kettle black, now isn't it?
Because by hurting myself I'd be hurting her,
And everyone around me,
And I honestly don't want that you see,
The last thing I want is for people to be in pain, because of me,
No I'd rather it all get better, you see,
But no,
Because I'm the only one with such visions of happy endings and merry making.