Awaken, my love.

For the trees
against the sky
seem to free
my tired eyes.

Darken, my love.

For the black
contrasts the light
like the latch
to the high-flying kite.

Hasten, my love.

For I only have so much time
before the curtains fall so fast.
You've been more than kind
on the lake on which you cast
those little,
lethal
stones.

We've all survived
The explosions and the bullets
We've tread through numerous death grounds
Without a scratch or even a bruise
With our boots muddied and our faces wrinkled
We know the truth is that no one makes it out alive

Through the trenches and disease and moaning and screaming
The scars inevitably ingrained in our conscious
Beneath the surface as it is scratched to nothing
Wearing away and down until we say something
Or keep it inside as most of it stays hidden
There is no way for us to speak the total truth

We're given our own guns and bullets and bombs
But the choice to inflict that pain that's always on our minds
That choice is our choice for we can choose to just stand there
Taking the hits and bleeding out and waiting for it to end
But things are never easy and sometimes a choice isn't a choice
Sometimes things just pan out and we're in the middle before we know it

To lock and load and then take aim and close one eye
Setting our sights on whatever it is that catches our attention
Whether it be for good or for bad
Driven by sin or by the need to enlighten a certain someone
To make the most of a situation or to drown in the terrors
We stand, just the same, with that choice and that wall between comtemplation and action

I am a being
My own self
I
Myself
Am
Being
Who I am
Who I be
Dusty paths, ***** roads, choices
Choices
Choices
I've known no guilt
I've felt no pain
Progress sometimes becomes
Disturbed
But my rivers
Still flow
My waters
Still fall
My rain
Still pats your roofs
Your head
Under your feet
You don't know that you
Know it
But you feel it
Your body knows it
Your heart beats to it
To the sound
Of my own
Feet
My own
Heart
In synch
With what you aren't yet ready
To admit
To notice
To be true to youself, concerning
The questions
The words
The thoughts
It isn't
Who will let me?
But it is
*Who is going to stop me now?

And
Nothing was the same
Yeah
Everything went back from where it came
And
I know it sounds kind of lame
But
Why did it have to go from where it came?
Why did it have to go back from where it came from?

in the forest trying to find the tree from which i fell
think it's time to say "**** it", waste myself and go to hell
i thought that something nice would've come along by now
but circumstance after circumstance has me wondering how

how could i have let it go this far?

I try to take

Only as much as I can give

Restoring balance

Is a way of life

For the sky and the ground
Don't know where I'm bound
Ground into the dirt, it hurts
Pound for pound, it lurks
In thin air, inconceivable
Behind the boulders, unbelievable

It won't leave me
Chronic electricity
And no one can see
The way it dries my leaves

Hangs me out to dry
On the gallows, strong rope
Strong-armed into a lie
Might as well just choke
On my fickle tongue, too young
To have a body feel so old

i could suffocate you with clever wordplay
and say that i'd pay to lay with you for another day
but i'm past the point of the paradox and price
in that skirt that first night you looked so nice
i couldn't imagine what i'd done to see that
your walk is like a bash to the skull with a baseball bat

so lay me down and cut me open
let you see inside while you still can
baby, lets just vibe in the moment
baby, you eliminate all my torment

you're just a blip on my screen now
double-tapping your pics and asking myself how
how could things have just snowballed
i just wish you would've picked up when i called
now my heart is filled up and tapped out
but, my death, you won't know about

Your worth is of no real question
It doesn't matter when the Sun is setting
I don't think I'll ever really learn my lesson
Because what I'm giving is better than what I'm getting
These words, the feelings you brew up in my gut
Can't be weighed out and properly dissected
I'm in a rut, was in a rut, will always be in a rut
I just hope it turns out after all this time I've invested

Because, because, because
When the Sun is rising
Because, because, because
I'll never stop fighting
I've got no choice in the matter
Just promise me you'll never stop whining
Because
I cherish those little whimpers like nothing else

What the **** is this?
How has it, that it's come so fast?
I gotta run through this list
Otherwise I'll never last

Run down the street
And to the left
Down by the swamp
Where they cook it life chefs
And wear dark clothes
You can't seem them at night
You're lucky if you get out
Fortunate for no firefight
So put your hood up
And your hat on
Look straight ahead
Before your casket's closed

In the beginning
The sky shines bright
To the end

Everybody knows that
Lovely sound
When the bell rings
And you're homeward bound
Freedom calls your name
At long last

Skippin' down the hallway
No time to play
Gettin' the hell out
After another long day
You couldn't pay me to stay

Her work is never done
But are her ways intentional?
Compensation seems synonymous with question marks
With smoky wishes and a fogged past
All smiles with poison in her glass

One thing I know for sure
She does choose her battles
Whether it is done wisely
Is up for interpretation
Her energy, forever driven by sensation

maybe i've spent too much time crying.
maybe i'm not good enough to die.
crawled out of that hole one more time.
wonder how many more i've got left
in me.

you see,
i've heard the bells and sirens.
ignored them and all rhyme and reason.
they say it's the time of the season.
to make way for the sun, it's beamin'.

the light it sheds shows me everything.
kinda makes me want to sing.
like the jester of a sad king,
i dance for my life.
while inside i'm dying.
inside i'm dying.
inside you're dying.

i know, i know
it doesn't seem so
but your judgement's clouded
just like mine
it's about time
we take inventory
of the things we hold dear
and year after year
they change, transform
learning to move with the waves
instead of hiding in the caves
it's hard but necessary
it allows transcendence
it's about bending

They say to go your own way
And then they say not to take chances
Be an individual
But don't be too weird
Because if you're too far out there
Or if you dream too much
They tell you to grow up
And when you do
If you listen to them
They tell you to loosen up
Undo your tie
Take a breather
So right now
I'm stuck
Between
Deep
Breaths
And
Self-induced
Suffocation

Drowned in self pity
Negativity
Eats you up like breakfast
Tears away fragile tissue
Smears your head in thick mud
Dirt in your lungs
Spits on your dreams
Kicks at your wishes

But he's weak
He comes
He goes

No more

And when you find the strength
Peak your head over the high mountain
Down into the green, green valley
The valley, not of death, but the opposite
Be sure to remember his face
Never forget the horrors of old
For they are what keep you from that place
Another visit, another level of Hell
It's never necessary lest you're careless
If you forget that grudges aren't you
And they only **** truth
And that sharp words make no one
Except the speaker... bleed
This - this thing -
Unnameable but unmistakable
Unseeable and unkillable
It diesnt deserve your sugary disposition
Or you're homely offer of kindness
Just show it what you're made of
Smile a smile to cause blindness

Eyes glazed over.
Sitting down.
Staring away
at the ground.
Tracing my knuckle
with my finger.
Having a chuckle,
good thoughts linger.

The air around my head feels light.
The ground below my feet feels right.
Soaring above, looking at the ants down there.
When I'm actually just sitting in this chair.

Crying isn't something you learn
It is ingrained
Death isn't something to yearn
Until you're strained
Anxieties itching and scratching
Good learns to fly
Problems killing and aching
When the bad feels like stopping by

Before you give birth to a child
You should have probably grown yourself
When it's time to step out of the wild
You should have probably gotten some help
Don't ever be stupid enough to turn down someone else
In the end you'll figure it out
It's time you shed your skin and come out of your shell

Taking the pieces of words of others with good intentions
Use your head, use your thoughts, cut off your makers
I can't seem to remember that thing you mentioned?
The other day when you were on your knees
Punching the wall and pleading for attention
You little baby, you little animal, you ******* fetus
You should've thought twice before you left this lying around

You're a *****
And I love it
You're a butcher
And I want it
You're the worst
And I love you

You see I can't really explain
Inarticulate, and never one to complain
But what you were saying is just plain lame
And then nothing since then was ever the same
Wish you'd take my hand til this problem is slain
I promise you now that I will take all the blame

Oh
The sound of torture
Audible through dead air
Nothing makes it past it's prime
Everything pays it's due
And we all feel the pain of fading

When all is said
And when all is done
Our lives may be left unread
The battles, we may not have won
But the scars we wear
Tell a million different stories
The hearts we tear
Are only minor casualties

oh sweet death
salvation in ending it all
sour loneliness
dead and alone is how we all will be someday
no matter how much you sacrifice
no matter how much you love
it's all fodder in the end

my ribs have been protruding as of late
my sleep is pitiful, as is my food intake
but my life has eaten itself inside out
and now i can't seem to grasp the ******
spinning around about to puke
someone stop me
i can't handle this carousel
of being all grown and alone
oh baby, you gotta get me outta this place
it's not healthy, i know
but the unhealthy things
are the one's that make me the feel the most alive

if i disintigrated into thin air
no death, no burial
would anyone notice, would anyone care?
but why am i asking myself?
i could care less
so why shouldn't anyone else?
oh, bitterness
if only you came 'round less
or atleast at the times
when i can figure out rhymes
that are much more meaningful
than the trite that i write
oh, someone, save us all

that someone
the hero
has never and will never exist
we're all our worst enemies
and there's nothing we can do
but smile and say cheese
here's your free picture
courtesy of the gates of hell
so enjoy your eternal burning
and never regret
and never look back
look ahead to your life and don't fret
there's peace in the firey assurance
knowing your in stable hands
stable, ****** hands

All poured out and dry
Peroxide drips in bare splits
Blood means nothing good

I dream of
Ten thousand knives
Sharp and poignant
Piercing the veil
Of our bodies
And the whole
Fabric of our
Being

You can hear the
Dripping, dropping
With your ear to the ground
The vibrations emit and emanate
For miles and miles and miles
The deaf can feel it
Even before we know
It is there

Bloodletting was common
Among the tribes of my homeland
Native Americans were in tune
With nature, the whole of it
Down to the
Thick crimson liquid
That flows through
Us all
An endless river
Of red life
Which oxygenates our bodies
Allows us to tap into
Our gifts
Our purposes
Our evils
Our meaning

Oh baby
How you confuse me
It's like everything
Can be nothing
I really like you
And now, I think you like me
But you wont bite me
Hard enough for me to tell

It's like you're in then you're out
You whine and pout
You don't know what I'm talking 'bout
When I ask you
When I ask you
When I ask you what you mean

now if you die
come see me
we'll hitch a ride

green-tipped blue waves
the sky is a reflection
we're crouching in caves

you don't say a word
you take it like a man
after all you've seen & heard

we don't wanna talk about it
so we just sit with our thousand yard stares
it might be time we got out of each others' hair

My body aches
Killing me, the pain
Everyone's a fake
I need to get myself drained
Of everything that causes this
Of all the loneliness

Nothing kills me like you do
And nothing brings me light but you
Weighing so heavily on my conscience
You own my heart, every ******* ounce
You're my blood, my brain, my very soul
No one's ever had such a hold on me
I know this won't end well
We're a suicide mission from Hell
And no one can break us
Though they've been known to shake us up

Disillusioned to the umpteenth degree
Starting your engines as if you can be all you can be
Staring into the hearts of those with none
The darkness drips out of you and it can be fun
Train stations filled to the brim
To the Great City on a ******* whim

Come back around, come sit down
Hear the sound, feel like an emotionless clown
Fists and kicks abound, you flaunt your broken crown

Things seem to be clearing up
Like existential acne, don't get it ****** up
Trust in the formula and you'll swim free
Things are good but what does that mean to me?
Rising from the ashes and your broken back feels tight
These raw wings forming make you think of flying kites
Chemicals swirl and unfurl in your little bird brain
Making you think you've felt the extent of true pain

I was born
To this flesh
A man of
Worry and doubt
Used to be
I never cared
No, I did
It's just now
Where I once
Hid in darkness
Is illuminated, bright
I can see
Clear and far
And everyone else
Seems not so
They brood, boil
Hardened yet soft
Moved around, shifting
Chameleons with camouflage
But no one
Comes even close
To the spot
In the Sun
Where I lay
My aching head

In the early mornings
When the Sun comes through the blinds
You'd think that I'd be yearning
For my stress to unwind
But you'd be wrong, wrong, wrong
I'm doing just fine, yeah
And because of that I wrote this song

It's hard to remember what the Sun feels like
When it's cloudy and the wind burns your skin
But you've got to take a picture with your mind
You can never appreciate loss when you win all the time
So soak it it, soak in everything with all you've got
Let the though and emotion and words come to you
I don't get why everyone wants to be a robot
These days

Sit down, take off your shoes
Breathe in, you've got nothing to lose
It's in your head, you're in my bed
"I love you so much" is what I said
Breathe in

broke my spirit not once, but thrice
everyone eventually pays the price
at your house, at your own expense
i wanna quit but nothin' makes sense
because i've borrowed everything i've ever lent

Envisioning
From the backseat
The brutal heat
And burning concrete
Beneath
My bare feet
These stringent standards set before me

The goalposts are constantly changing
The white knuckling I'm always doing
Always moving, never choosing  
The deep, dark bruising

Ahh-choo, ahh-choo
Don't have a clue
Ahh-choo, ahh-choo
I don't like you

Blast through the door
Snap your fingers to the trigger pull
You want some more?
Got some lead, give you a belly full
Eat up, yum yum
Nutritious like a vitamin
Gonna give you one
Or two, three, four - Seventh deadly sin

Tasted the **** at the bottom of the well
Tried too hard in case you couldn't tell
Heard you mumble something under your breath
So I beat you mentally 'til you got nothin' left
Waiting for the inevitable
Ding, ding, times up, now you're moldable
Crash, bang
It's all the same
You've always been the one to blame

Take everything in your life
And change into everything
Everything you thought you were missing
Just listen

Nothing is all that hard
Once you get around to doing it
Those doubts in your head are transparent
Your job is to stop them from blaring

When you're on the outs
Reexamine what you give and what you're given
It's usually just about the same amount
So the next time your pout, think about that

Putting your ear to the ground
And breathing in and just waiting
Is no waste of time, it's time well spent
Everyone is capable of seeing around the bend

lying down, face up
enclosed in darkness
tried to move, no luck
to me, the black harkens

thinking back, i can't see
the memory is there but I can't grasp it
what is there in front of me?
the rabbit's just a bit too quick to trap it

locked in on all sides
my breathing quickens
the hard floor overrides
everything as the air thickens

reject my whole body & brain now
i can't hear a word that i'm saying
dying to live, can you show me how?
the line has blurred between working & playing

i say things without a second thought
then i wonder why the **** i'd say that
so many battles lost, almost all that i've fought
burned by the light, flapping my wings like a dead bat

close the door
hit the floor
you want more
but i'm giving you all that i have

you were mystical
like a myth to me
something magical
you filled up all that i could see

but then it was done
yeah, we had our fun
made me feel like i was the only one
the two of us bathing, burning in the sun

in the war
they teach you
in the war
they beat you
in Afghanistan
they strip you
mold you
glue you
back

a new man
a true man
a great man
a dead man

"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, in that we are underlings."*

Famous words
Attributed to a famous man
That man, being Julius Caesar
And put into his mouth
By perhaps, a man even more famous than him
William Shakespeare

Everything is oh
Well, whatever
Every time I go
I can't sever
The blasé nonchalance
Embedded in my head
I was given a chance
But I'd rather lay in bed

You see I'm not lonely
And I don't get people
I'm always the only
One to see through the sheeple
I don't see the point in
Going through the motions and
Acting like the world isn't caving
And my heart isn't shrinking
With every single breath
And with every person's death
I just can't seem to
Care

But
The truth in the rut
Is
What it is
And
What it is
Is
All I want
Is to be cured
All I want
Is to give a ****
All I want is to care
All I want is to care

All I want is to care

The festival was bustling
With sights and scents
When I caught yours
It just seemed to all make sense
You walked over and said hi
I just smiled as awkward as I could
But just before you could wave goodbye
I picked up the rifle and asked you if I should

You nodded and told me to try
So I gave the man a dollar
Asked myself "How could this be? And why?"
I looked to you and down the sight
I prayed for that prize, closed one eye
Saddled up and pulled the trigger with all my might
The tin can hit the floor and you clasped your hands
Together in time, I've never felt so up in my life
I asked you what you wanted
You said your favorite team
And you got it

But you walked away
You said "I'll see you later"
When I expected you to stay
I guess I was just selfish
I guess it was just a stupid wish

All of these Catholic girls
With their attitudes and high heels
They used to wear skirts
But since then, they've grown wheels
Making there way over to me
Smiling white and talking pretty
What is it that they can't see?
I was raised in whatever with a Christmas tree

I was born in a junkyard
Where the dogs come out to play
They were being taught by nuns
While I sidestepped Him in my own way
They don't teach you that Jesus can't save you
In a school where they take you for what you have

You're really sweet with your mouth
And the way you move your lips
I really want a piece of you
To put my hands on your hips
But I've seen the signs, baby
And they point the other way
But if I'm wrong, then maybe
I'll stay because my heart's made of clay

Now if you'd please give me a moment
Just stay there while I think about this
I have to clear my big head again
Because you've filled it with nonsense
So just excuse me, dear, excuse me, honey
Look the other way while I'm down on myself
Raised in a little house, never much money
And now that I'm older, I don't need no help
So please, please just be on your way
I can't help myself when I'm feeling this way

Everyone is born
chained
to their own
personal mountain
of despair.

For, in suffering,
we learn
compassion.
We learn
gratitude.
We learn
to cope.

We are catapulted
from our comfortable
homes,
and into the pit
where we learn
the meaning
of
breathing.

The Hills went driving
All over the highway
Didn't care much for timing
Up and down cracked roads
The lights overhead shined bright
She wanted to know (confusion)
He already did (premonition)
And so they kept on going
The tires, they kept rolling
The bright lights kept glowing

He loved her so much
Never would hurt her
Was fueled by her touch
But then they touched her
Swept away and they never saw it coming

She noticed first that they were levitating
A consciousness forever confiscating
They both felt the presence of the stars
Locked away in their messy little car
Before they knew it, they were in it
And before they could do it, they already did it
Changed forever and all I got was this stupid illness
Heading to the doctor to find out what the **** this sickness is
And it's all always the same old story
So I'll just end here for fear of being boring
But it's true
The Hills are anew

Don't forget
To check in
On yourself
When things
Disintegrate

In this day and age
It's 2014
That's fourteen years
Past 2000
Yes
Count them
F o u r t e e n
Years into the twenty first century
The century of space
According to film and literature
The century of progress
And the century of new ideas

Keeping this in mind
It's a wonder that everyone
And everything, by association
Seems to still be hypnotized
In my country at least
I love where I live
And I believe it's one of the greatest places
To grow and to learn and to teach
But I think more people ought to start thinking
And thinking about old ideas
And the concept of materialism
And the ideas of progress and prosperity

Hate only creates more hate
No?
Just look at any hate filled person
To ever exist
They hated
And then people hated them
For, in turn, hating them in the first place
It's a never ending cycle
Of persecution
And devastation
And extermination

On the other hand
We have love
Love plus love
Equal?
More love
That's right
And the only thing
The only power
In this world
That we all have in equal measure
Is the propensity
To love
And with love comes progress
And with love and progress
Comes
More love and progress
And things we can't even imagine

Because the whole world seems to be
Hypnotized
By this age old idea of hating
And limiting their own beliefs
To the point of catatonia
And never ending
Nonstop
Progress-halting
Dead ends

So I'm just saying
And that's all I'm really doing
Writing this right now
For nothing more than to perhaps get someone to read it
And say
Hey
Maybe this is the truth
Maybe this is he way
Maybe if I do something good
I'll start to feel a little better?
Maybe
If I try to do the best I can
Every day
Breaking free of whatever gains may lay in wait for me
And just embracing the power of whatever it is that guides us
That keeps us spinning on that mysteries axis
Floating through space at blinding speeds
Will help us out in the end
Because
In the end
At the last breath
And the last drop
And the last time we close our eyes
All we'll have
Is love

If that's what we choose

He was walking round the party
A scowl planted on his face
He just wanted someone to hear him
But all his words fell on drunk ears
He went outside to find the smokers
Even though he quit a year ago
The girl weighing on his mind though
Pushed him back through the smoke

She was a scattered girl
A one track brain in her head
Every other guy took her for a whirl
And she didn't think to think twice
But still he thought her beautiful because she was nice
To him
She was nice to him

And he fell for it
Deep down the rabbit hole, he fell
Asked all around for her
After all they only broke a day ago
He just wanted to talk to her
To see her face, hear her laugh
But instead his best friends shirt
Came into view as he walked up
Black makeup stained his shirt
In the shape of eyelashes
Dripping dark tears drowned in years
And years and years of connection
But now it's gone into a new section
Filed under "not enough conviction"

My mind is clear
On this hazy morning
As I hear
The sounds of car horns blaring
I don't know what it is
About a brand new day-ay
I don't give a ****
What you're saying
About me going my way

Because I've got no regrets
Everything that happens, happens for the best
Even when the skies close back up
I still won't really give a ****
Because this
This is my day
And this, this, this
Won't turn my heart, heart gray

It's still early in the morning
I'm on my way to work
When it starts pouring
Rain and desperate texts
From you to me on this day
I don't know why but I still smile
You used to know how to play, play me
But I will never run your mile
No I won't give in to your Judas Kiss
Anymore
No more
No, no more

You used to have the power to turn my stomach
With just one look from your big brown eyes
Now your voice is something I can't stomach
No matter how much, how hard I try
But it doesn't matter
It doesn't add up in the big picture
Because now I'd rather
Just make myself richer
In heart and in mind
Without you
And I don't mind
That I'm never going to be with you
No I'm never going to be with you

**** everything, lets just listen and lay here
stop talking and listen to the sobs in the cheers
you used to jump on me so fast
but all that fun never lasts
then i saw you walking with him
and my light grew dim

you never made yourself out to be
what you really are, just like me
and i hate that, i really resent it
i can't take that, i couldn't recommend it
the reasons why we were washed ashore together
are getting clearer as the maybes turn to nevers