There's something to say
Well, a lot to say
About the clarity
One feels
After you've moved on
From someone
Or something
What have you
However
Right now
I don't think I'm in the right mind space
To accurately describe the feelings
Going through
My head
My heart
My lungs and
My body
Right now

So
I'll just stop now

The fog
Thick
The smoke
Thicker
My boots
On the pavement, click

Click, click, click

My mind
It runs
My feet
Likewise
My doubts
The only thing I truly despise

Click, click, click

Her hair
Flows like the stream
The water
Slithering around rocks and back
Our hell
It's given us everything but that awaited heart-attack

Click, click, click

Here
I'm done
It's time
This place is no longer fun
In space
We are nothing but fodder to the Sun

Click, click, click

she said her daddy would beat her down
spent all my time trying to turn her around
when i see her smile fade into a frown
i goof around and turn myself into a clown

clowns feel everything and she knows that
always wondering what's the source of the attack
she's always looking back, always falling flat
but now she knows it's okay, knows i've got her back

I'm left weary and dripping with sweat
Burning my own bridges
It's as if we never met
I step to the altar and ask for a double helping
Of the blood of Christ
Mary's left weeping
For her child
Her innocent little *******
It's beyond her weak hand

Oh, love, just knock it out from beneath their feet
Oh, baby, just lie awake next to me
Oh, love, it's too late to defeat
The rest of the one's who can see clearly

Crawling up from the deep underground
Left with the scent of you on my clothes
Covering my ears so I won't hear the sound
Of the bombs, the fire that we loathe
And love
All at once
Like a double-standard, we're on the hunt
For the one thing we both can't stand
The thing we live for
It's not our fault that this is such a chore
It's just the way the blood flows down, love

Light up the sky
With the artifical blaze
Try not to cry
As it takes over
And turns us to ash
Blowing in the cold wind tonight, babe

Heart of gold
Soul of light
Vision of glory

It always comes
Comes in threes
One, two, three

Soldier and child
Boy and girl
Beauty and hideousness

Nothing like it
Nothing more to
It and nothing

And nothing will
Quite ever
Just the same

Going with the flow
Moving with the sway of the trees in the wind
Coming in and going out
Washing up and washing out like the foam-tipped tide
Go with the flow

Whatever comes, comes
Whatever wants to leave, I let
I don't fight because fighting is pointless
I try not to stress because everything passes

Saying what I mean
Whatever comes to my head
Writing what I want
Whatever I think needs to be said

Living this way is the best thing I can do
I can't try to be better than what I already am
Everything comes easy when you let it go gently
And nothing is difficult if you don't make it so
Go with the flow

How do you tell
If you're
Coming
Or you're
Going?

In the light of the day
Things seem so simple
The sun clouds judgments
That haunt me at night

Laying in bed
Just me and myself
My brain does tricks
Flip-flops ideals on their heads

But I've been bitten
By long fangs hidden in a closed grin
Bleeding with black and blues covering skin
I feel outside what lies within

The power creeps up
And surfaces on my conscious
Things seem to make sense now
But only when the pale moonlight
Offers me it's condolences

things look
all twisted and blue-dark
I shook
the trees, I am the circle of sharks
you took
all that you wanted
not what
your whole soul needed
but, but
your conscience is heeded

To leave you in the dust
And to love every moment
Is the remedy to this feeling
The way to lighten the atmosphere
The fuel in the space craft
And the juice in a glass of content

Walking around, no car, just a few bottles/
The air's crisp as her heart/
We take a seat by the school and the blue and red lights startle/
We pack it in and hoof it, my favorite part/
Though, is when she takes my hand/
My clammy palms pressed against her smooth ones/
My fantasies fulfilled, spilling through my brain like sand/
The cops can do what they will but they will never bring down my fun/
Tonight/

with all the stars in the sky
burning bright light, never ask "why?"
they exist just as you do and made of everything you are
but you wish, you wish that you could be that bright burning star
hanging, glinting effortlessly in black space without a care
with all the time in the world yet not a moment to spare

you sit in the grass while the sun hides for the night
and the moon, she asks that you take in her sight
the raging fire of the sun and the gentle cool of the moon take turns
and only if you ask of them you will know you have much to learn
so keep sitting in the grass while you level yourself with the frequency
and in the end and with their care you will no longer live in urgency

My countdown
To nothingness
Began when I left my mind
I was so sick
Cared for what I couldn't find
But now I know what I have to do
Life's too short to never see the signs
I think I know what I know is true
But I don't have the time


Will it ever end?
Will I know ever know her smell?
Am I allowed to taste her?
Will I be taken by the hand from this Hell?
Shown the light in the dark?
Given the keys to the gate?
Be granted the gift of the spark?

My head is lead
My body's living dead
I just don't know
When will she show?
Will she ever show?

blood on my fingertips.
caught the brunt
and couldn't hack it.
blood on your lips.
you whisper in my ear
and it drips,
drips.

fire on the mountain.
from the valley below
i was counting.
alarms were sounding.
but i stayed
and in the smoke i was lounging,
counting.

looking back with no anger
just anxiety, feel my life in danger
the soul can only bear so much
I've grown too numb to recognize a touch
can't even tell your love from your disdain
but no one can hurt me, I've been through deeper pain

the feeling flees, fleeting flies
staring up at the ceiling tiles
no way pf telling when they'll leave me be
for once in my life I'd like to not feel so crazy

she crosses her t's like a crucifix
and dots her i's like nobody's business
she tells me she likes when i pull her hair
those green eyes make for a piercing stare
the kind that make you realize you shouldn't ever care

Sitting in my room
A ****** is the moon
I stare back at her
Gone when I wake at noon
She's always gone too soon

Who do you run to?
When you just want comfort
When you just want to be cured
I just want to be cured
I just want to be cured

Split in
Two
Flipping, flopping
Up, down
Writhing, squirming
The tongue
Grinning in
Agony, ecstacy
It
Does it's work

A grisly stab
In the back
A twist and ******
Of the blade
Like some
Ancient, sacred
Dance

The wind blows us over
The ocean throws us out and pulls us in
The seagulls let us know their there
With their reminiscing in search of life

We float about among the salty water
Eyes burning, we try to watch eachother amongst the blue and black and green
Our vision is hazy but we both know the other is there
Watching, waiting, swaying


Back to go again

My eyes have been deafened
At the sight of ****** ears
Floating hopelessly and tender
Through the sheared, speared, years
So spare me now for my contempt
And inability to connect
My heads gone and gone unkempt
Now I can't even tell you my best bet

From a spark
Smoke
Comes a fire
Through a crack
Holes
Light shines through

Son of a gun
Bullets
Fill the gap
Comes a man
Young
With his mind made up

I am beyond the womb
I am beyond the tomb
My life after the big and great flood
My life after being dragged through the mud
Where do you go when you have nowhere to go?
Where do you go when nowhere is all you know?

Shifting through space
Never staying in one place
My brain is the same
And my body is just lame
I tried praying to a higher power
Hoping some love, on me, He'd shower
But the emptiness just became more real
And the loneliness became all that I feel

I am not a solid thing
This has haunted me for years
Made of skin and bones, like you
But I just hear cries as everyone else cheers
Nothing ever seems to come to fruition
I'm improving and this pleases me
However, I'm afraid I may have reached my peak
I feel I am now one with the black, it is all I see

Her makeup is splattered on her face
Too much of it
Almost clown-like
And sloppy
She's insecure
Probably reeling from heartbreak

Her hair is pulled back
She hasn't been taking care of it lately
Lots of split ends
We all know
How girls like her
Despise anything but perfect hair
Her mind is scattered

She's drinking coffee
When she lifts it to her lips
Her hands shake a bit
It's probably not her first cup
Yep
She's going through something

When I approach
She looks down
And then pastes a horrific
Facade of a peeled back grin
Another addition to an already
Fizzled out display

I contemplate "hello"
But her body language speaks volumes
And tells me that whatever I say
Won't mean anything
Her minds not there
It's miles in the distance
Not even glancing back

So I walk, slowly
Away

The siren screams
And I know I'm on the way
The pain, it seems
Like it's so far away now
You helped me feel like I knew I always could
Even though it's over, I can't say I never would
Do this type of maniacal thing again
My mind's set, you just gotta let me know when
To unleash these thoughts
These feelings, these emotions
To unchain the broken beast
And go through the motions again

I just wanna feel free
Of everything that kills me
I wanna feel free
But I'm afraid
I'm blind
I can't see
Oh, baby, let me know when you're ready
I can't wait to defy gravity
With you

Let's float in the dark sky tonight
Amongst the planets and the stars so bright
We can lift ourselves out of this torture
With a little something we can use to set the marker
And keep going, no stopping, all moving
Like a black hole, we can take in everything
And keep on like nothing's ever gone wrong
We can soar, and swim all night long
Don't worry about work, school or family
They'll understand when they see us defy gravity

It's impossible to ignore the light
When it's shining in your face so bright
So, sweetie, embrace the heat
It's just a side-effect, you will not be beat
No, not with me there by your side
You I've loved you through all the slips and slides
I'll pick you up and take you home
When you can't stand to be alone
Oh, we've all been there before
I know what it's like to want a little more
We'll do it together, hand in hand
We can dance in the moonlight when we reach land
But for now, we stay afloat
On this wonderous, aging boat
You don't want it to end
And I get that we might break and bend
But our love will endure
Of something, I've never been so sure

Here I am
Standing still
Between
The future
And
A dream

My soul
Hung on a wall
Indebted to
What will be
And
My heart
Nestled in the womb
Of
What I know will be

Proving
Time
And time
Again
That waves
Crystal light
Clear sound
Cool aroma
Will be the bearers
Of what
I've always known
Would bring me home

You don't get it
The depth of emotion
Deep, vast valleys
Of joy and wonder
Deep, dark holes
Of **** and anxiety
The flux can't be held
In your hand
Or in a tightly capped bottle
It's endless and boundless
Timeless and zoneless
You can't describe it
Although I've been trying
My whole life

Desperate times

Gritted teeth

Broken down

Ground up


Built up

From dust

Through Hell

And back


Rough circumstance

Breeds hardness

Cold hearts

Desperate measures

i watch you walk down the sidewalk
and you disappear in the fog
disappeared in the fog

coming to conclusions in my head
you were just laying in my bed
you were in my bed

no one seems to focus much
an eruption from one soft touch
one soft, soft touch

i realize it might be all on me
it was on you but now it's blinding me
now it's blinding me

my heads a cluttered mess
i can't see, can't get dressed
i can't think, i'm just stressed
and i'm digging myself deeper everyday

i saw her and she smiled
disappointed her for miles
and i thought i was out of this hole
i wanna die before i get old

"the future is ******* freaky",
i say to myself as i'm lying and leaking
as the years have gone by
i've done nothing, my oh my
i don't know what i plan on doing
i have no idea where i'm going
so just hold me close
i think i need a stronger rope
but you outwit that thought tonight

my thoughts take me to weird places
weird faces and distorted pictures of distorted places
i've never been and probably won't ever go to
you smile because you know it's the truth
unless we pick up now and forget everything
we're gonna be stuck in this cave with our aching
and that's no way to live, no, not at all
i thought you would be there when i'd fall
but you only ever knew how to play hardball
but please ease up and answer me when i call

Don't let the things they say out of spite
Get at your heart
And don't lets the looks, the stares, the scoffs
Tear you apart
Oh the days are coming and going at a staggering speed
Just don't let the pace trip you up or stammer your lead

See we're ahead of curve now and there's no looking back
There's no need for time now
Leaving peoples' heads spinning like a top
We have no room for nonsense, we just can't allow
So when things look a little dark just close your eyes
When you don't give in to sight there's no other choice but to not believe lies

When we're born
And until we perish
Ideas we've worn
Things we relish
Seem to live on
Despite our broken bodies
Daughters and sons
Sacrificed, we're follies

With that said
We all get a piece
Heads and hearts of lead
Holes in moldy brain-cheese
No one is afforded
A true way through
Everyone is sorted
And it really is true

Family's with money
Fall and suffer from lack of love
And family's with none
Shiver in the cold through group-hugs
Healthy people, sick ones
All suffer fates they'd choose not to
Church steeples, Satanic cults
Deceive and feign the truth

Ups and downs
Lows and highs
Smiles and frowns
Laughs and cries
One and the other
Living in harmony
Sisters and brothers
Who tolerate each other
Because they know
Whether high or low
They'd drown in the undertow
If their doppelganger didn't show

Did you have a good life when you died?
One worthy of countless reproductions?
Did they make a film dedicated to your memory?
Did it begin with your first hallowed breath?
And end with your satisfied huff?
Did they cast a guy one hundred times better looking than you?
To play the character... Of you?

If not, then what were you doing?
Your whole life, gone, and they didn't even consider a film version of your first birthday?
Did anyone even know your name?
Did anyone even give a ******* were in the same room?
Did they know your middle name?
Why wouldn't they?
It's too bad because it could've been great
It really could have been a good one
A good life
But no
I don't know what you did with it
But now it's gone
****
Zap
Done

You're dead

I like all different kinds of music. As cliche as it sounds, it's true. I could never understand how people say that their favorite genre of music is just "rock" or plain "rap". Single syllables, especially when applied to musical preference, tend to make my muscles tighten up. It's just too constrictive for me. I like words/genres like "Alternative Jazz" or "Riot Grrrl". "******* Electro" and "Psychedelic/Soul". The words themselves just sound more appealing. Seriously, when will you ever hear the words "psychedelic" and "soul" in the same breath? Let alone the same connected phrase with a slash between them?

By far though, my favorite genre of music has to be "Dream Pop". I love the music. With all it's soothing, relaxing, hazy beats and lovely, distorted vocals but that isn't the real reason I call it my favorite. The reason I do is the words "Dream" and "Pop". The two words together bring about such vibrant imagery for me. Dreams, to me, mean a lot. I'll have a really exciting one and won't be able to shake the atmosphere of them for the entire day afterward. After a particularly scary one, I usually won't be able to get rid of that sense of doom and danger that always comes along with a horrifying nightmare. It's a bless and a curse but there's nothing like it. Especially for me.

And then there's the word "pop". Also a very image-inspiring word. You can pop a pimple. You can pop a bubble. You can eat an ice pop(sicle). You can say hello to your Pops. Pop, pop, pop. It's a very entertaining word. Short but sweet.

Put the two words together and you have one highly interesting phrase. "Dream Pop". It's so soothing and lovely. I really can't imagine a better combination of words.

you don't know if its up or down or up
head in the clouds like its where its supposed to ******' be
used to drink every day, got so ****** up
stumblin' down the hall with the lights off, couldn't see a ******' thing
strap me down, wrap me in that sweet straightjacket
if i scream, if i screech remind me to shut my ******' mouth
thought i could walk, i could talk like 'em but i could never hack it
so i grew these broken wings and made my way ******' south

The city speaks to me each night
The freaks walk among the mystery
Engaged in this unusual plight
Littered with danger, like so many cigarette butts

Their faces flash in my mind
Makes my throat dry and moan in agony
Amongst the overexposed blacks and whites
What is it that you're meant to see?

Meeting people with loud voices
And faces that echo tragedies
So long ago when cobblestone was tread on by the horses
I think they thought the same things

When nothing seems right
Staring into the eyes of the devil
Falling from unfathomable heights
Now everything seems like drivel

i saw her standing there, laughing and smiling
i looked down and filled my lungs with clean air
it was funny how in her smile i could see her crying
i looked up again and tried my best not to stare
she looked my way and ran her fingers through her hair

her pretty clothes looked a little old but i could see
that she didn't care because if she did she would cease to be
as i came closer then i could feel a sense of urgency
from within me i tried to quench the flames of unbridled glee
she smiled wider then, white teeth glimmered back at me
"what's your name?" i said, standing like a willow tree

as i heard her words for the first time, already hoping it wasn't the last
the vibrations from her throat caressed my eardrums violently
a little shaken and surprised i could feel the mistakes of my past
as they rose up and greeted me rather harmoniously
i realized i knew that they now meant nothing to me

I wish I could bring all the lights
Down for you to see in real life
And I wish I could take you
To the grounds of the truth
But the truth is that I can't say
Everything I want but I won't play
That game because deep down I'm scared
To scare you away

I won't be around forever
I know that's true
I just want to spend
Every single dollar and moment on and with you
But that's wrong, I wasn't supposed to catch feelings
So close, so soon, I'm just wheeling
Through time and time and space
I've never been here, I've never seen this place

Does your heart feel like it's made of concrete?
Dropped into a mixer, poured out and left to dry?
In the summer heat, in a crowded room with no windows?
With people gasping for air where no oxygen can be?
I don't know why I'm saying this
Or why I'm posing these thoughts as questions
But I hope you understand this;
That situations are simply circumstances

she's the sky when it's purple and red and pink
she's what i think about when i cant think
just hope that she sees me and she hears this
always thinking i'm owed one last kiss
always hoping you'll give a ****

i know i could've helped you when you needed it
when i was in that black cave, my torch you lit
i should've been there when your tide shifted
should've focused less on getting lifted
you really showed me what i was looking for
you made me feel dumb rich when i was dirt poor

Two

Times again
Again and again
Spinning three sixty
Three sixty and drop

Two

People holding
Hands in the rain
Drops drip and drop
Again on clenched fingers

Two

Cars rolling
Through red
Lights and bam
Crash and burn

Two

Funerals too
Black and bare to
Bear so you crawl up
In a ball and **** your thumb

Two

More times
Before I'm done and
Sit down for
Peace & quiet

I've been staring at my feet for a long time
Yeah, long time, no see
I've been trying to think of words to describe you
Yeah, but they never come to me
Now that your voice is just an echo
It's time for me to just be
But I'm not sure I'm ready

I'm not gonna wax poetic on you
Like I always used to try to do
Just trying to get the facts straight
I'm a detective but it might be too late
Your footsteps in the sand have faded
I'm trying to catch a ghost with no bait

I've been living right, yeah
But it doesn't really feel that way
You're a monochrome sight, yeah
Got me still wishin' that you stayed
Thinkin' while I'm filling up my ashtray
Johnny don't wanna work, don't wanna play

Writing to you again
You ignite my thoughts
My hand's still shaking
As I fold up the letter
Put it in a glass bottle
Sealing it sends another shudder
Down my fragile spine
No longer asking you
Because I'm certain you're mine

Should I bury it
Or send it out to sea?
Should I wait on it?
What will be, will be
After all these passing thoughts
Rush in and out of my head
I'm left with a smile
And echoes of words you've said
Maybe I'll just go to bed

When I wake up
I look out to the ocean
Over sand and under painted skies
I think you're my worst sin
Obsessed over the concept
Of us in a cozy hammock
Out of which we leapt
Went our separate ways
Yet my memories remain
Unshaken

Electricity
All through me
I can see
How this will end
Rules were made to bend
And messages made to send

In the aviary you can see for miles
Miles and miles, how I love that smile
The sweetest thing is you by my side
And the last thing I want is for us to slide
In the heavy snow and the cold rain
But just as pleasure goes then comes the pain

Can't do nothing about it, babe
It's as necessary as a summer shave
The path is never smooth, but we try (we try)
No matter what, no one is able to hide (can't hide)
I wish I held the key and I think I'm close (I'm close)
You and I, I think we're the most (the most)

You and I, I know we're the most

Emmaleigh
Where can you be?
Oh, Emmaleigh
I've been slowly dying
Emmaleigh
I know you're drowning but I need you here with me

I'm lying in wait
In terrible shape
You're out there
Somewhere
Is it too much to ask where?
Heaven or Hell, I don't care
Emmaleigh, I'll meet you there

We were at the end of our rope
Minds and bodies weary
They took our disdain for a joke
Now their eyes are all teary
We knew more than they ever could
We were ahead of their thinking
If only I couldve taken a different track, I would
But its too late
Sealed, are our fates
Forever in this dreadful state

she told me that the knife was there
but i didn't believe her
she told me that she was scared
but i couldn't hear her
she told me i was emotionally impaired
and then i couldn't take her seriously

she doesn't do drugs but she's addicted to the drama
we went out that night and i acted like i wanna
take her in my arms and never let her go
but what i felt inside was less than what i showed
acting like a fool and emitting an awkward laugh
how long before she realizes that i'm trash?

we both have blaring positives and negatives
glaring at the tv screen together and what gives?
is this all that it's about?
until you get mad and start to shout?
smooth sailing for a little bit
and then you go and **** up all of it

I walk on silent streets
Coated with invisible blood
But with each step I take
And every tree I shake
I just can't scratch the image out of my of mind of that stake

It's do or be done
I have to stand up or be thrown down
Sifting through smiles and stares
Looking for the one who's fair
The one with bright eyes and long, healthy hair

Searching for companionship
In a world where I'm meant to be alone
I have no issue with walking and talking to myself
But no matter who you are, you can always use a little help
A pair of eyes to see me and some ears to listen to the pain I've felt

Again and again, I knock
Just begging for you to let me inside
It's so cold out here but I know you've made mistakes before
Things you've done and said and now people have labeled you a *****
You're outside the box now but if you'd just give me a chance, maybe life wouldn't be such a bore

You've probably done a lot worse
Men have beat you, cursed you, ****** you and left you
One think I can promise; I'll do none of those
I might even turn out to be the best thing you've ever chosen
I'll even let you in on a little secret and I'm the only one who knows

In the end, I guess I'm not one-hundred percent
But who is?
I'd like to meet them and maybe shake their hand
Look them in the eye and ask if their life is dull or bland
Ask them to take an honest step back and have a good look at this dishonest land

As a final declaration of my intention
I want you to know that I'll always be around
Anytime and anywhere, I'll always be somewhere whether you know it or not
When your going about your day, driving to wherever you go or when your on your last leg and shot
If you look hard enough you can probably catch a glimpse if you take the time to stop

This might sound creepy and I admit it because it's true
But this is what I do and I can't change because this is the way I've always been
I'm older than you know, though my skin and hair and eyes are young
This may be pretty hard to grasp since what I'm saying is pretty far flung
You can say whatever you will but, dear, I promise you I've heard every song you've sung

So if you accept this or deny this, it really makes no difference
It's just the way it is and the way it is is pretty simple
You're there and then so am I, it doesn't matter if I want to be
It's only science and the nature of how we move and we both see
Just take this as a warning or just a sidenote in case you think you might be able to flee

Shuffling
Shuffling
Shuffling
The endless
Shuffle

People yapping
Throats vibrating
Mouths moving
No recognition of the sounds
Emanating from their
Empty skulls

Clocks tick
Eyes blink
Hair raises
And settles again
Nothing to see here
No need for alarm
No apologies accepted

And then they search
And search
To no avail
That hole
Needs some dirt
And there's only one
Thing
Needed

Another body
Another warm, breathing, shuffling, yapping
Body
Equipped with only the most sophisticated
Of modern technologies

A brain

Applications accepted