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576 · Apr 2016
.45 Caliber Mouth
John Apr 2016
The words fire out of your mouth
Crooked teeth surround a black tongue
Before we've even begun, everything has gone south
You're naïve and too old to justify it with being young
Verbal bombasts, speech like the desert sun
Scorching my Earth and killing all my fun

Put my bliss permanently to death
A ****-eating grin vice-gripping your face
To you what is worse is always what is best
My disillusionment descending in a mist-like haze
Getting harder to breathe in this rapidly shrinking space
The Universe expands but insistently neglects this sad and sorry place
575 · Mar 2016
Heather
John Mar 2016
Heather
              she floats like a
                                           feather
and bends
                    at the knee.

Heather
               just one letter
                                       from
                                                heathen.

Heather
               she'll do you one
                                              better
                                                         and she'll fly.

Heather
               who lives with me
                                                just to see
                                                                

just to see.
570 · Dec 2010
Take Me Down (All I Need)
John Dec 2010
Land a clean right hook into my cheek
Take me down
I'm not asking for it all, just a peek
Take it off
We're so hot, we've sprung a leak
I'm the one you want, you're the one I seek

I hit the ground and spring to life
My hands are shakin', you're body's so right
You give me a nod, I comply
But you utter a "no" and then I die on the inside
There's some hope, I know there has to be
We'll soar high, and sting like bumblebees
Flutter around, on ecstasy
I don't usually mess around, but I'm willing to get down
For you, baby, I'm willing to risk
Willing to take my chances on this

I need to touch your curves and feel the air
I wanna walk on clouds and touch your hair
Your my drug, so just surrender to me
Give me a hug, it's all I need
For now, because you're so stingy
Don't wanna give it up, but what you don't see
Is you and me, it's all I need
Come on now, just get loose
And let your hair free
We're all just lonely fools
On this deserted island we can be
We can be free
John Oct 2010
oh sweet death
salvation in ending it all
sour loneliness
dead and alone is how we all will be someday
no matter how much you sacrifice
no matter how much you love
it's all fodder in the end

my ribs have been protruding as of late
my sleep is pitiful, as is my food intake
but my life has eaten itself inside out
and now i can't seem to grasp the ******
spinning around about to puke
someone stop me
i can't handle this carousel
of being all grown and alone
oh baby, you gotta get me outta this place
it's not healthy, i know
but the unhealthy things
are the one's that make me the feel the most alive

if i disintigrated into thin air
no death, no burial
would anyone notice, would anyone care?
but why am i asking myself?
i could care less
so why shouldn't anyone else?
oh, bitterness
if only you came 'round less
or atleast at the times
when i can figure out rhymes
that are much more meaningful
than the trite that i write
oh, someone, save us all

that someone
the hero
has never and will never exist
we're all our worst enemies
and there's nothing we can do
but smile and say cheese
here's your free picture
courtesy of the gates of hell
so enjoy your eternal burning
and never regret
and never look back
look ahead to your life and don't fret
there's peace in the firey assurance
knowing your in stable hands
stable, ****** hands
John Apr 2013
When things get heavy
Too much to bear
Your body might sag
You might forget to wash your hair
Getting up is a chore
When your being feels deflated
And your light starts to dim
When you find yourself feeling less than elated

Then one morning
You get up with a purpose
Your legs want to move
Faster, away from this circus
You pack up your things
Only bare essentials
You leave your doors unlocked
Your emotions heighten tenfold

So you're running away
You've been given no other choice
With all the things people say
It tends to drown out your voice
In your head, you know
This may not be the wisest thing
But in your head, you grow
The wildest, most beautiful white wings

Fly away now
For this is for you
Fly up and out
No need for your shoes
No need to pout
Now you can't lose
You're flying and then you shout
"I don't care about your news."
569 · Jan 2013
On Floating Above Yourself
John Jan 2013
Floating over
Soaring above
My own body
Personal horror
Objectified
Newly minted
As just another
Nook
Or cranny
In the vast ocean
Of my existence

Stars shine bright
Glisten off my water
The darkness between
Doesn't seem so black
Anymore
For the light of the stars
And the warmth of the moon
Keep me company
On those darkest of nights
And they tell me everything will be alright
They have me know it's just a phase
Just another tock
To balance out the tick
Before it
566 · Jun 2013
Let Yourself See
John Jun 2013
Walk this dark road
No lights, ***** lens
Look through the glass
And see, just watch
As blue turns to green
And green sizzles white
The beauty of chemistry
In the waters of our lands
Rid yourself of your mind's pettiness
And jump in
And let go
Say goodnight
To the cold and the snow
Open your blinds
Let the light in
Let yourself see
And you will
See
You will
See
565 · Apr 2013
Wake Up, Repeat
John Apr 2013
Wake up
Dread
Work
Too tired
Sleep

Wake up
Hope
Dread
Work
Too tired
Sleep

Wake up
Hope
To not dread
Dread
Work
Too tired
Sleep

Wake up
Hope
Wish
Dream
Dread
Work
Too tired
Sleep

Wake up
Work on not dreading
Hope
Dream
Dread
Work
Too tired
Sleep
565 · Dec 2013
you should've (didn't you?)
John Dec 2013
should have come and gotten high with us
talkin **** like on the back of the school bus
you should have come and smoked with us
no need in the world to come and make a fuss

just wanted to know what was up with you
had me thinking and feeling like a fool
wanted to know what was going on with you
didn't you say you loved me in the hallway at school?
John Sep 2012
Barefoot
Tripping on glass
And
Falling on nails
That
Is what it's like to be around you

I never know
Can't begin to
Predict
What or who or where
You are
Today

You spit
Knives
And throw verbal
Punches
Like a heavy weight
And
I don't weight much at all

Caught up in your own ****
Being dragged down
Come home
Take it all out
On any given
Passer-by

I don't talk
Because when I do
It just makes it
Worse
Deepens the anger
The sorrow
The hole
563 · Aug 2014
Engaged
John Aug 2014
I asked my maladies to marry me
And now I'm engaged to be alone
And I know
That I'm no, no
Good when I'm low
And
I'm always low
I'm always low
562 · Dec 2010
Haunt You
John Dec 2010
I just want you to know
That when I finally slit my wrists...
My aim is to haunt you
Each and every night
When I call your name
You'll be doused in fright
And you'll feel the same
You'll feel just right
Just like I want you to
When I haunt you

We were always looking for so much more
We never thought things would decay
We would dance but we were bound for the floor
Side by side, sweaty and stained, we'd lay
Never thought that we'd see the day
In which we were so far
So far, so far apart
But now we're looking through telescopes
And ******* brail
Can't seem to figure it out
Couldn't seem to endure this Hell

So now I say
"Just **** it. It has to be this way."
We're done but we've got so much more to pay
Still owe the debt to the dark
Still can't walk without a the limp
Our lives are weighed by our hearts
Our bodies, swollen and floating like blimps
Cursed to roam the world with one eye
Blessed with the knowing of our future
There really is no use to even fight
Anymore, evermore. ******* we lure,
Into our orbit
Attempting to change the way we see
But these are our eyes
No one's attempts to imagine come close the sea.

Then, right then, things went to ****.
Driven apart by forces unforseen.
I'm bloodied, one too many times hit.
My body's weary, too lean to be mean.
So now I'm saying that I'm giving up.
Lost and tortured and stuck in this rut.
No getting out, no leaving this horror.
Planning to take the route of the coward
Cut myself and let my body rot.
So goodbye, my dear, goodbye to you.
Goodbye to the world,
I'm past due.
So now, I'm gonna haunt you.
562 · Jan 2014
Tongues
John Jan 2014
When everyone feels
Entitled
To
Everything
In the end
Nobody
Gets
Anything

Wake up
Take a deep breath
And tell yourself
What you're worth
Is just the same
As the person
Next to you

At the end of the day
Everyone
Is the third wheel
No one
Deserves
The world
While people
Look on
With nothing
In their mouths
But their own
Withering
Tongue
John Sep 2012
A flame flickers and hushes
At the **** end of a dead wick
I look right
And then left
And sigh to myself

The realization that permanence is a figment
Of imagination and the utter most wish of a fool
Sinks in deep and comes to the surface at once
The ever present prospect of this unnerves me

Yet
At the same time
Soothes me
561 · Oct 2013
How Are You?
John Oct 2013
I'm not in my right mind
Life seems to just pass me by
I think about it all the time
How fine would it be to feel fine?
But then I shift into overdrive
And I go deaf, then I go blind

Oh how nice would it be
To just be allowed to see?
To be buzzing around like a bee
To be allowed to say "us", and "we"
But sometimes things can't be
Always about me

I know I'm not the center of you
And I know half of what I think isn't true
But when I'm down, and feeling so blue
I never ever seem to find the right shoe
And I'm sure, sometimes you feel it too
How nice it would be, to be rid of this flu
Just the product of some current feelings...
559 · Jan 2013
I Change a Little Every Day
John Jan 2013
Things don't seem the same
When I walk the streets alone
I change a little every day
Can't really call any place my home
I slip in unnoticed
And slip myself out
I'm just like a ghost
I never make a sound

You don't know me
There's no way you can see me
I don't know myself
So how can you possibly?
I don't believe you
Your words are always falling
You're killing me slowly
But at night, I'm never bawling

I take it one step
Two steps are too much
At a single time
I can't handle very much
So just breathe
In and out with me
If you're not used too it
Just watch me and you'll get it
John Jul 2013
i don't get around much
anymore
things run fast and then
slow
s l o w
s  l  o  w

when i'm at work i can't
wait to get
out
when i'm out
i'm bored
witless
nothing on my
hit list
to do
anymore
no more
evermore
for sure

guess you could say
i'm knee deep
in a rut
it's hard to get around
when nothing seems
fun
just mindless work
for money
i don't use
just sock away
my bank is happy
but i'm just
blank

i guess
i think
an educated guess
but nothing seems
to really come
to surface
ushering people on the job
but never my ideas to fruition
i'm stuck
no fun
all work
no play
they say
make's johnny a dull boy
just another battery powered toy
of the lean machine
of the corporation
i just
i just don't
i just don't know what
to do with myself
the title is from a White Stripes song, but I don't really care. I love the song, the band and the title, so sue me.
John May 2012
Better not ***** this up
Keep your head on straight
When the wind blows you better not ****
Just put your head down and swallow that hate

In the position I'm in
I try because no one else cares to
Everyone's a ******* slack
All I hear is boo-hoo

Your dad might have been absent
And deranged is too kind a word for your mom
But you better save up because you're about to get spent
Next order of business is to make like a bomb

But you gotta keep your cool
Light the fire and freeze the ice
Take a little dip in the memory pool
And pull out something nice
558 · Dec 2013
on the beach or in space
John Dec 2013
I'm standing on the sand
The grains sifting through my toes
I smile as I look out and raise my hand
What I'm looking at, wishing for, nobody knows
But I know exactly what I want, what I'm doing
I'm not some lunatic talking to himself and smiling
It's all because of what's happened and what's been brewing
You put me on your hex list, I watched as you were writing

But hey, do what feels and looks right
Take it as it comes, leave it as it goes
These things always start a fight
From one side to the other coast
Everything happens the same way
Someone says something and another hears it
Then it goes on and on and they play
Little by little, the truth becomes a tiny bit
A blip in the burning stratosphere
557 · Dec 2010
Straight To The Asylum
John Dec 2010
I've gone crazy
Gone, gone completely insane
So sick, so tired and lazy
I stand outside in the freezing rain
And I shout out
I yell with everything I've got
I'm too loud
They're chaining me up
They've locked me in the insane asylum now

Took a walk down the street
Just to see if I could assimilate
I've got, got the beat
Got the attitude to assassinate
My head's gone wild
My brain's gone cold
They're writing up a file
I watch but I won't fold
Not gonna accomodate
Gonna keep doing what I'm doing
My hearts ticking a beat too late
More nonsense, they say I'm too intimidating

My body's no longer under my control
I'm moving but got nowhere to go
My mind's in twn different places at once
Can't stay clean, can't focus
My vision's getting blurry now
And there's nothing I can do
I hit you with a boom and a pow, pow
There's nothing you can do now
Cuz I'm a patient in the darkest of the places
I'm impatient, can't you read the spaces?
Not the lines, but what's in between is what counts
When your life's gone to ****
Can't do anything now, now I'm ready to pounce
555 · Dec 2012
Equilibrium
John Dec 2012
Sometimes
I catch myself mid-thought
And realize
That this wasn't something that was taught
My mind spins out of control
Sometimes

Most of the time
I'm obsessive
Yet, I find myself detached
The combination can easily become obtrusive
But I've grown comfortable in it's odd embrace
Most of the time

At all times
I get carried away
With my fascination with all that is new
And all that leaves but that I wish to stay
I'm trying to find a balance
At all times
555 · Jan 2014
science & math
John Jan 2014
You say you hate it
And you hate all of that
But what you feel isn't black
Only love is all red and that
Is what makes it vibrate
Along the shore, through the water
Everything draped in red and black
Because black and white couldn't cut it

Things seem so sickly so sound
At the same time, what an anomaly
Opposites truly do, they seem to attract
It's simple science, it's basic math
Just look up and down is right below
Like your heart as it sits beneath your pillow
Look me in the face and tell me it's true
Look in my eyes like you used to
This one's a bit Bon Iver inspired
555 · Aug 2013
Because
John Aug 2013
Your worth is of no real question
It doesn't matter when the Sun is setting
I don't think I'll ever really learn my lesson
Because what I'm giving is better than what I'm getting
These words, the feelings you brew up in my gut
Can't be weighed out and properly dissected
I'm in a rut, was in a rut, will always be in a rut
I just hope it turns out after all this time I've invested

Because, because, because
When the Sun is rising
Because, because, because
I'll never stop fighting
I've got no choice in the matter
Just promise me you'll never stop whining
Because
I cherish those little whimpers like nothing else
554 · Apr 2013
Knights and Queens
John Apr 2013
I want to earn it
Like the knights did the queens
Your love, heart and soul
554 · May 2012
Living's Sake
John May 2012
Words
Can only say so much
Actions
Only show what the ****** sees

Thoughts
Are biased
Reactions
Are selfish manifestations

Reflection
Gives birth
Ideas
Self destruct and toss and turn

People
Are only skin deep
Blood
Is just a thick liquid

Veins
Are only a mode of travel
Hearts
Just pump for living's sake
John Jul 2016
you said you'd climb mountains
but you don't have any boots
i'm a skipping stone
no telling when i'll sink
when the sky is spilled and splashed
it's always harder to think

over the mountain the grass is thicker
but the color is up to interpretation
i know you've only been getting sicker
enamored by ideation
but the facts pack a punch
count your dead and carry on
550 · Sep 2014
Pencil & paper blues
John Sep 2014
Scratching my head
And my thoughts
With this fine lead
Thinking I ought
To quit already
It doesn't do too much
Good
541 · Dec 2010
Look
John Dec 2010
Look at yourself
Look, look at your life
Examine your mental health
Love, is it trite?

Look at yourself, baby
Look at your life and maybe
We can find a way
To make it day by day
Feeling alright
Theres no need to fight, fight

Look and listen
And please try to pay attention
We've got to change our ways
And find the path that pays to tread
Have to make the most of this thing
Gotta make it through with broken wings
But it's just a minor stresser
When you really look at it, baby
Just look at the positives
The negatives are worthless, baby
They don't mean a thing to me
They shouldn't mean a thing
John Oct 2012
We've all survived
The explosions and the bullets
We've tread through numerous death grounds
Without a scratch or even a bruise
With our boots muddied and our faces wrinkled
We know the truth is that no one makes it out alive

Through the trenches and disease and moaning and screaming
The scars inevitably ingrained in our conscious
Beneath the surface as it is scratched to nothing
Wearing away and down until we say something
Or keep it inside as most of it stays hidden
There is no way for us to speak the total truth

We're given our own guns and bullets and bombs
But the choice to inflict that pain that's always on our minds
That choice is our choice for we can choose to just stand there
Taking the hits and bleeding out and waiting for it to end
But things are never easy and sometimes a choice isn't a choice
Sometimes things just pan out and we're in the middle before we know it

To lock and load and then take aim and close one eye
Setting our sights on whatever it is that catches our attention
Whether it be for good or for bad
Driven by sin or by the need to enlighten a certain someone
To make the most of a situation or to drown in the terrors
We stand, just the same, with that choice and that wall between comtemplation and action
John May 2016
you don't have to live
you can die if you want to
with nothing left to give
you can die if you want to
when you always wonder if...
you can die if you really wanted to

things seemed so bright
as a child in the warm sun
my parents would fight
but that didn't stop me having fun
things got so bad
that i no longer cared
i used to be so mad
but now they're out of my hair

i'm okay now
walking this strange line
but i still think of how
they thought everything was fine
as i crumbled beneath
the covers each & every night
i'd hang a dead wreath
on the decaying door of my mind
530 · Aug 2013
Meaning in the Mess
John Aug 2013
Words in the air
Like slow-shifting clouds
This cross that I bear
Is growing too loud
Now, I don't know what to do
Floating ceaselessly
My fabric's come unglued

Now, oh now
Now I wanna run away
How, oh how
Can I just run away?
Now, oh now,
I want to ******* run away
How, oh how
Can I just ******* run away?

Time passes by without a second thought
My mind analyzes only what I can see
Feelings disappear without a single battle fought
Why can't we just be we and just be free?
No, because it's just never that easy
Because if it was, then life would be pretty ******

Why, oh why
Can't things just be breezy?
Now, oh now
I wish things were easy
Why, oh why
Do I need to be pleasing?
Now, oh now
I'm just searching for meaning
Now, oh now
I'm just searching for meaning
I'm just searching for meaning
Just searching for meaning
For meaning in this mess
Meaning in this mess
530 · Jun 2013
Steady Hands
John Jun 2013
You steady your aim
**** back, ready to fire
Phasers set to brimstone
You're someone I admire
But with all the destruction you bring
You never allow a chance for wings
No, you throw your potential away

I found myself at the bottom of the river
Waiting and more than ready for a touch
What is gold when the soft embrace of silver
Is enough to help you out in times of need
Always was second best, unlike you
Never came out less than best
In my own head, at least you know it's true

Fell into the dirt, had trouble rising up
You were there looking down to me
But you'd never allow me the luxury
To hear, to feel, not even to see
You keep me blinded
So deaf and dumb
And I can't find it
I'll never know if I won
John Jan 2013
I used to see him at night
When everyone in the house was asleep
I'd be awake, shivering and shuddering
Waiting for the man who'd always make me weep

Now I know how it sounds
Unbelievable, and all
But I know what I saw
What I heard, his nightly call

He'd emerge from the darkness
In the corner of my room
Ask me how I was doing that day
And then inform me of my doom

He said I was a bad boy
And that I deserved to be punished
Said that everyone I loved
Someday, would vanish

The more he'd speak
The more I'd weep
And the more I'd weep
The more he knew he had me beat

He'd tell me everyone I loved would leave
And that I'd be stuck here all alone
Reluctantly taking what horrors came
Shrouded in black even as the Sunlight shone

Everyone has a set time
He'd say everyone's heart was just a "ticker"
That each one only had a certain amount of tocks
And that all profound connections were just mindless bicker

Nothing matters and nothings real
That we lived in a place that only the naive could survive
No one loved me and no one ever would
Everyone's just passing the time until they eventually die

But I was so young
What was he to expect?
Like I was strong enough at seven
To second guess his promises and bets?


When I got older though
He mysteriously stopped showing
I grew into a happier person
But all the while knowing

I learned the truth
About life and about death
From the first time I saw him
When through the shadows, he first stepped

What really scared me
Even as I aged and matured
Was that he'd come back
Emotionally torture me some more

Even though he didn't
I haven't seen him in we'll over a decade
Whenever someone I know stops breathing
I think of him brewing the poison in my head he made
529 · May 2013
Not Cut Out for That
John May 2013
I don't want to run
I don't want to shoot
I don't want to run from the police
I don't want to loot
I don't want a gangster's life
I don't want to have to look over my shoulder at night

Growing up in the big city
Born of a family in the dirt
Never much money to anybody
But it seems none of my cousins really learned
But I'm not like them, I'm not about that
I never was keen of violence
Always hated hate and loved love
Never got how they all missed this
Never understood how they could want that kind of life

Because I'd be a *** on the street
Begging for a penny or two
Before I was to go out and hurt someone who didn't deserve it
Or trick someone into thinking something false
I don't like to deceive, I hate it
But do many people think it's right
Crime doesn't pay, you can't win
There's nothing to a life of sin
At the end if the day you're left with ****
Your hearts turned to an empty black pit
528 · May 2013
Christopher's Hole
John May 2013
He was walking round the party
A scowl planted on his face
He just wanted someone to hear him
But all his words fell on drunk ears
He went outside to find the smokers
Even though he quit a year ago
The girl weighing on his mind though
Pushed him back through the smoke

She was a scattered girl
A one track brain in her head
Every other guy took her for a whirl
And she didn't think to think twice
But still he thought her beautiful because she was nice
To him
She was nice to him

And he fell for it
Deep down the rabbit hole, he fell
Asked all around for her
After all they only broke a day ago
He just wanted to talk to her
To see her face, hear her laugh
But instead his best friends shirt
Came into view as he walked up
Black makeup stained his shirt
In the shape of eyelashes
Dripping dark tears drowned in years
And years and years of connection
But now it's gone into a new section
Filed under "not enough conviction"
For my friend Christopher. He had a rough time at a party the other night and I wish him all the luck in the world.
John Jan 2013
Everybody dies alone
It's a fact of living
Dying
Just another intrinsic truth
That life bestows
Upon it's (mostly) reluctant
Livers

And for that reason
I believe everyone
Should spend as much time
As humanly possible
With themselves
By themselves
With no other souls
To lean on

You have to become
Comfortable
And if not truly so
Then comfortably
Numb
Should probably be settled for
Because
In the end
Though void
Though empty
It's still you
Evolving
Changing
Content
With this withering
Ever-transforming
Always living
Soon dying
Soon becoming
Almost grounded
And more knowledgable
And practical
Logical
And
Clear thinking
Than most
Of the souls
Who walk this planet
Unknowing
Or perhaps
Denying
Increasingly ill-prepared
For their own
Meeting
With their own
Cold, dead
Face
528 · Jun 2013
Known No Pain
John Jun 2013
Come on, little sister
Make amends
Let us know truth
Make it better
Tell us what we need
So now when we hear your words
We will no longer fall on scraped knees
Stand up like a man, sister
On those feet of concrete
And let it all out
Because I know what you think you know
But I'll tell you this
You've known no pain
527 · Jul 2012
I Watched It Sink
John Jul 2012
A neatly packaged box sits on my doorstep
Contents include:
Broken promises
Things said and not done
A mind stuck in time
And a bomb made of regret and ****

I kicked the box around
Like a brand new ball
I threw it in the sewer
And watched it age and rot
I picked it out while I held my nose
And buckled it into the passenger seat of my car

I drove and drove
Until the streetlights glowed
Yellow and pink
The sun set like it told me it would
And so I proceeded to the edge of the dock

I hopped out and ran around to the passenger door
Opened it and unbuckled my box
Thought about staring at it for a while to ponder the whole ordeal but I decided
**** it
It seems like all I do is sit and think anyway

And so I threw the box
It made a splash
The water rippled away from the crash site
And soon
It sank
To the bottom
Of the ocean
527 · Jun 2013
Eyes to the Horizon
John Jun 2013
Remove my body
From the
Wreckage
Tell all
The papers
Who I am
Let it be
Known
I won't
Be
Beaten
Down
Buried with
Black flowers
And doused
In rotten
Stenches
I am
Here
And not
There
I am one
With
The ways
Of the
Winds
I bind
Them to my body
And fly
Up
Down
Up and
Out
You can't win
I won't
Lose
I can't
For the wind
Does not permit
Such
Atrocities
It gives me no
Other choice
But to
Get
Up
And continue
On
Heart beating
Blood
Pumping
Eyes
Set
On the
Horizon
525 · Sep 2014
Chain, Catapult, Catharsis
John Sep 2014
Everyone is born
chained
to their own
personal mountain
of despair.

For, in suffering,
we learn
compassion.
We learn
gratitude.
We learn
to cope.

We are catapulted
from our comfortable
homes,
and into the pit
where we learn
the meaning
of
breathing.
525 · Aug 2014
Hesitation
John Aug 2014
Shadows on the grass
The Sun hangs high above
Cars laze down my street
The wind makes that sound I love

It's one of those days
That being alive isn't so hard
I awoke in sort of a daze
My resolve seemed less charred

Now it's just a question
That hangs above like the almighty Sun
But I know that hesitation
Always dots my question-marked fun
525 · May 2013
As I Lay Breathing
John May 2013
In and out
Oxygen/c02
Up and down
My beaten chest
Through and through
Heart still beats

Triumphant or defeated
Eyes still weep
In thoughts and dreams
Still unsure of the difference
In rain or in Sunshine
Head always held high

In talks or in whines
Points still foggy
Pulling up/down blinds
Body always groggy
In and out
And up and in
You can't ever always win
John Dec 2012
Krash!
Shards of glass shower the squeaky clean tile floor
A well-muscled arm swing violently
Veins pulsing with raging blood

Ding!
A metal chair leg
Shaped like a U
Hangs limp from the seat of the chair

Thud!
The impeccably carved muscular mass
Hits the floor
Breathing in, out in short bursts like the crack-bang of multiple Magnums going off at once

"You'll never have me!"
The coppers chain the hands behind the back
Give the head a nice shove into the tiles
"You can't stop it! Not even I can stop it."
John Jan 2013
I've been called
Super feminine
In my emotions
And my lack of apprehension
To express them
I don't know what it is
Why people are this way
Why can't it be just be imple enough
For people to feel comfortable to say what they mean?

I've been
Accused of being gay
Felt unmasculine
But for me there's no other way
To go about living
Without saying what I mean
Meaning what I feel
But it seems
People like me are far inbetween
The general population

However, I'll say this
I'm thankful for the time I live in
And for the people I know
For the places I've been
The things I've seen
Because I know this is what matters
And this is what makes me me
I wouldn't change a thing
I wouldn't eliminate a word said to my face
Because I know for a fact
A cold, hard fact
That all these things
All these amazing, wonderous, beautiful
And terrifying, horrific, disgusting
Things are all just pieces of the equation
My equation
Spilled directly from the heart. Don't exactly know why this came out of me now, but I felt like it was important for me to get it out there.
521 · Oct 2010
Open Me Up, Let Me Know
John Oct 2010
Never experienced pain so excruciating
Never swelled up so much
In my life, I'm debating
Whether to just jet or stand in for the weak ones

My head is filled with questions
And my brain is loaded with hate
Trying to stay optimistic
But the **** is just piling up, it's too late

No one knows what I know
No one sees what I do
My eyes are weak and worn
The blood's tracked in via my shoes

Now it's close to over
Now I'm **** close to done
Just gotta keep it together
Open me up and let me know when it's time for the real fun
521 · Apr 2013
To My Muse
John Apr 2013
"All walk the path of life,
But only fools attempt to walk alone"
My thoughts echoed as I sat
In my head a little light shone

It grew until it was blinding
And then I realized I was a fool
More so than I previously accused myself of
I was on the right track to lose

Up until now I thought only the weak
Needed others to use like crutches
But the older I grow, the more it is known
It is nice to have someone over for brunches

Not just a friend or a confidant
But someone with which to share a deeper comfort
That slick combination of chemistry and attraction
It's always two more than one that life is fun for

To share and to care and to be there
For each other when the darkness rears it's head again
And for when the light decides to show it's face
I've said it before and I'll say it again
Won't you stay here, with me, in this ever-changing state of place?
520 · Apr 2013
"You just have to hold on."
John Apr 2013
She gazed out at the setting Sun through drooping eyelids and dripping lashes. She picked up a hand and wiped away the salt water, then looked to me. I turned my eyes from the horizon to her, barely able to twitch a half-hearted smile into permanently solemn expression. The wind blew, the trees bent with it as her hair danced behind her, gracing her head like a mother's loving hands.
"I wish things were different," I choked out. "I wish we could have a life."
She groped her eyes off of me and planted them firmly in the Earth.
"I know," she spoke. "I do too."
Then she looked up and back over the valley and hills toward the almighty setting light. My eyes followed hers and we stood there for what seemed like hours before I gained the strength to flick a finger out. I pushed it into her arm and then wrapped my hand around her wiry wrist. She was kind enough to offer a flickering smile; up and then gone like eraser shavings being blown off of a desk. I appreciated her attempt at gratitude, I knew how hard it was to even think about smiling in a time like this.
"I always wanted to run," she mumbled. "I thought that if, somehow, I ran long enough, far enough..."
Her voice was reduced with each word before she became inaudible.
"That if I could just get away. I could escape. Forever. And then everything would be right. Everything would make sense."
I looked down again and then lifted my arm, settling it over her narrow shoulders and cupping her shoulder with my palm.
"Things don't work like that," I say. "It's incredibly ******* disheartening, I know. But that's life."
She sighs gently, releasing air from her lungs through her nose in a miniscule huff.
"You just have to hold on," she says. And I smile. She's right. She's speaking the truth, as cold and hard as it is, but nonetheless the truth. She's admitted what has to be done. And that's enough to induce an almost enthusiastic look on my face.
"You're right. You're right," I blink. "That's just life."
518 · Oct 2010
Gutless Grubbers
John Oct 2010
They know what you're thinking
Before you even get a chance
To act on what you're feeling
Paralyzing
All sense of security
They don't give a ****
All they want is what's in your pockets
They view the world with eyes tinted green
It's time to turn this **** around
If you know what I mean
Because all I see is red
So now it's time to spread
This feeling
Time to make it obvious
The feeling is not fleeting
Nothing makes it any less intense

So let's gouge out their eyeballs
Leave them screaming there in pain
Splattered with blood will be the walls
They try to tell us we're insane
But it's just a state of mind
That they have yet to find
But we'll show them
We'll put their eyes up to the ceiling
And turn on the fan
John Dec 2012
A bunch of people
****** up people
Like, the in-the-head
Kind of ****** up

Anyway, they're just standing there
Looking at each other
And at the ground
Left, right, up and down

Then the music starts
And starts to blare
Louder and louder
"It's a sin."

The crowd begins to sway
Not gradually though
They just slam into life
Arms swinging and legs kicking

The zombies have become animate
The loonies suddenly decide, simultaneously, to let their individual freak flags fly
And you're in the middle of it
Physically stunted and slowed but mentally... all there

You lift your right leg
Place it in front of your left
The loonies/freaks/zombies continue their ritualistic, devilish, mindless movements
And there you are, too slow to even make it out of that jungle, brimming with madness

Finally, after 10 minutes or so
You make it to a chair, located on the edge of the makeshift dancefloor
You sit down, the metal like a brutal breeze to your warm behind
You sit down, and you look up at the ceiling
The music still flairs and the singer wails the same words
"It's a sin"
A lonely tear rolls down your cheek
And you know it's true
518 · Dec 2012
Hard to Kill
John Dec 2012
You said your daddy named you
But you forgot his name
He picked up his briefcase
Hit and run was the name of his game
Said you hold no grudge's
But you taste the bitterness

Said your momma worked hard
Broke her back for bills
She raised you just right
After daddy headed for hills
Abandonment creates certain skills
You're so resilient, it gives me chills

Raised in a barn
Covered in chipping paint
Or brought up in a city
By well-off saints
Sometimes it sounds like ill-conceived complaints
But for you, you know that it's never too late

To find yourself
Amongst rotting ambitions and decisions
Armed with will and knowledge
And that trademark precision
You peel off layers of old abrasions
You know you're right when you get the sensation
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