"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, in that we are underlings."*

Famous words
Attributed to a famous man
That man, being Julius Caesar
And put into his mouth
By perhaps, a man even more famous than him
William Shakespeare

Everybody wants just what they want
At every given moment
But the veil that blocks their logic from reaching
Dulls that very potent
Truth, is that when there is nothing but Sun
What comes of it is desert
I don't know about you
But joy becomes tiring

Girl please just do this for me
I know it's really hard
But if you just try to calm your rough seas
It will be easier to start
Something that lasts forever

Now I don't want you to get the wrong idea
Because its might sound like a fairy tale
But if you just put all of your trust in my heart
The joining of our simultaneous beats may tip the scale
It could be that no ones seen anything like this before
But I'm willing to go that extra mile
Who knows, we just might be etched in modern folklore
We might be able to make the drizzle turn to beautiful downpour

So let the water fuse with your skin
Put all your faith in me
Just open up your arms and soak me all in
I'll turn the lights on so you can see again
I'm not promising anything out of this world
But what I'm saying is that this is special
And with something like this, who knows what could unfurl?
Just let me know if you get me

Light filters through frosted windows
It illuminates only portions, a mere subtotal
Of the whole
My mind no longer spins
Uncontrolled
It just eases on
One thought
To the next

No particular worry
Well, the worries are there
They're
Here
But not all over the place
Which I'm thankful for
No more illogical
Unreasonable thinking
On a day
Like today

No work
No one in particular to talk to
No obligations
It's just time
Time to relax
And I don't care
Which I guess is a problem
In and of itself
But
Right now
It feels right
Just to write
And think
And write
Whatever surfaces
Shows up on the screen in front of me
Glowing unapologetically
Just like I like it

looking back with no anger
just anxiety, feel my life in danger
the soul can only bear so much
I've grown too numb to recognize a touch
can't even tell your love from your disdain
but no one can hurt me, I've been through deeper pain

the feeling flees, fleeting flies
staring up at the ceiling tiles
no way pf telling when they'll leave me be
for once in my life I'd like to not feel so crazy

After all this time
All this thinking
My head pounding
Throbbing as my heart's sinking
In the crimson seas
Of yours and my inbetween

Are you mine?
Am I yours?
Did I pass the sign?
Or did I arrive too early?
Am I yours?
Are you mine?
Because I can't shake the feeling that I'm running out of time

All the times the clocks ticked
Thoughts of you lift my consciousness
You're some other-worldly being
You're the target I forbid myself to miss
I don't think I'll ever forgive myself
If I somehow manage to **** this up

Turn off your mind
Listen to the spaces
Between the sentences
Between the words
That your brain plants in you
To invade your comfort
Moving in and out and in again
Like the waves that crash ashore
That you love so much

Be one with your surroundings
Blend in and become the matter
That makes up everything around you
It is all the same
Everything alike
The only difference being
You are expected to go about
Happily
Knowing nothing
Of the true nature
Of the actuality of reality
Of how and why
You, me, him, her, them and us
Exist

The secret though
Is to do just that
Turn off your thoughts
Become an objective observer
Take in the sights and sounds
Let them consume you
And simply
Exist

Day out and day in
She moves in unimaginable ways
Through thick and through thin
Horrifically sweet sounds seem to always play
As she makes her way
As she makes her way

To die alone and out of sight
Seems a fitting end
To go out with not a flicker or a bite
Seems just around the bend
With walls keen to swiftly close in
And windows prone to paint themselves dark
The only way through fire is to sin
As all the water's been sprayed through a hole from a pin

I walked slowly out to the parking lot
You were waiting there with your long black hair
Blowing in the wind like the leaves on the trees above
The way you look at me, babe, it's not fair
Blinking silently against a black backdrop
It's getting colder now, I can see it on your skin
All I know when I look deep into you
Is that I can never, ever really win

It's like I can't stop thinking
Of you and your hips
The way they sway so effortlessly
And how you hold your cup, taking only sips
And the way you use your lips
The way you use your lips

We took a drive in your baby blue car
Down to the river where we could talk
The water knew what we were saying
And to it, it really was no big shock
That things were tumbling down
Getting ****** into a lover's black hole
Falling ******* the *****, rocky ground
We both knew it would end this way
But we took our chances, decided to play

The siren screams
And I know I'm on the way
The pain, it seems
Like it's so far away now
You helped me feel like I knew I always could
Even though it's over, I can't say I never would
Do this type of maniacal thing again
My mind's set, you just gotta let me know when
To unleash these thoughts
These feelings, these emotions
To unchain the broken beast
And go through the motions again

I just wanna feel free
Of everything that kills me
I wanna feel free
But I'm afraid
I'm blind
I can't see
Oh, baby, let me know when you're ready
I can't wait to defy gravity
With you

Let's float in the dark sky tonight
Amongst the planets and the stars so bright
We can lift ourselves out of this torture
With a little something we can use to set the marker
And keep going, no stopping, all moving
Like a black hole, we can take in everything
And keep on like nothing's ever gone wrong
We can soar, and swim all night long
Don't worry about work, school or family
They'll understand when they see us defy gravity

It's impossible to ignore the light
When it's shining in your face so bright
So, sweetie, embrace the heat
It's just a side-effect, you will not be beat
No, not with me there by your side
You I've loved you through all the slips and slides
I'll pick you up and take you home
When you can't stand to be alone
Oh, we've all been there before
I know what it's like to want a little more
We'll do it together, hand in hand
We can dance in the moonlight when we reach land
But for now, we stay afloat
On this wonderous, aging boat
You don't want it to end
And I get that we might break and bend
But our love will endure
Of something, I've never been so sure

My thoughts, they climb
To the sky each day
Trying to trap them
Always finding a new way
In despair there is hope
At times, you're ***** and got no soap

Where there's a path, there's a fork
Or two, eventually
Always got to stay keen
And tread steadily
For the oils run dry, all over the floor
The rich never really try to feed the poor

What's wrong with this picture?
When will they learn?
If you grow up in silver and gold
Then what do you yearn for?
Caring only for yourself only gets you so far
If you keep cutting yourself with glass, it'll always leave a scar

If only there was a way
Something to make a deep impression
Someone to take you by the hand
And teach you this lesson
But no, your stubborn nature always wins
No, no, you don't see that this will be your end

Miss Wood, Miss Wood
I knew she would
Everybody knew that she could
When she hopped the train to ol' Hollywood

Natasha was the type of girl
To sit there and watch you get obsessed
She'd just sit there and twirl
Her pretty blonde hair of happiness
She knew she was meant for better things
Diamonds, surgeries and cameras
She just had to spread her wings
Her looks were one thing but oh, how she sings

Said goodbye to her momma
And kissed her good old pop
Said she'd only be gone a while
They told her "always keep goin' and never stop!"
She came to my house right afterwards
Her eyes were wet as I hugged her close
I told her not to go backwards
She wiped her eyes and stuck with what she chose

these walls i once abhorred
i was lookin' for some more
i didn't have the cure
i was sure she was a *****
only knew how to lure
she never held my cure
my cure, my cure

but cured
i'm cured
i'm sure
i'm cured
so sure, so sure

everything is dark blue now
saw this big tree, didn't know how
it grew, it grew right out the green ground
roots through the blades, i heard a strange sound
knew i was on my way, on my way to be found
and then it really happened, it pounded, it pounced
on me, on me (it jumped through me)

like a sorry holy ghost
looking for the right host
trying not to be a big boast
but when you've come to a roast
you can't help but hope for the ****** most
after all, you came here and you chose
you chose the biggest hose
everyone wants the best, i suppose

The train
Rolls in
But not
With a
Toot-toot
Like in
Those old
Childhood songs
And shows
More like
A terrifying
Whoosh and
An alarming
Crash-bang

I boarded
And looked
Around, left
Right, up
Down, around
But nowhere
Could someone
Find proper
Seating so
I stood
My hand
Glued to
A metal
Pole

The train
Departed station
And I
Minded myself
And nothing
Else and
Nobody else

Just drifting
Looking down
And listening
To sounds
Of people
Whispering, turning
Pages and
Yearning

Things don't
Seem so hard anymore
I've got
A way out, now, and more
When she comes
Strutting down the street
I know
Past problems have been beat
When she says
When can we meet?
Squirming in my seat
Tripping over my own two feet

Everything is hit or miss
And they say
That everything's worth a try
And they say
Someone out there is worth you to die
And they say
Just keep carrying on by
Never let slip past your guard, a lie
Just fasten up your ties
Don't you dare be shy now

Just walking
Sidewalk cracks passing
Thoughts of you are fleeting
Time I've spent just keeps on leaving
Nothing I do is helping
Guess I just have to start accepting
What they say may be true
But thinking of you
Don't do nothing but turn me blue

From purgatory to paradise
I'm just trying to escape
To get to where I won't have to think twice
About touching you, about being a little forward
I'm a reserved man and I take pride in that
But I've got to take the reins sometime to move toward
Where I know I should be, I could be
Timidity is for the meek
And the meek shall inherit the Earth
But am I still meek if I dare take a peek
At the future in order to alter the water
That flows through the bridge underneath?
I don't know, but what I do
Is that I think it would healthy
To take a stand in order to make myself a little more wealthy
In all aspects, I'm not talking about currency
I don't need it, I'm past that
Even though it's nice to get that
What I need is fulfilment
What I need is intelligence
On top of some diligence
Trying not to tear any ligaments
Doing what need be
Getting what I want
Running as far as I can
Hitting home runs instead of settling for bunts
I'm grown now and it's time for me to realize it
A man is only man enough to go where he can dream
And if I can dream of blue skies, high rises and top prizes
Then I have to take it upon myself to tread that road
To **** up the negativity and spew gold
Spinning diamonds out of dust
Getting silver from rust
Turning distrust into trust
Being brace enough to weather the storm
Through the unrelenting swarm

Pulling up to the party
My car hums and dies
Just like as soon as we started
We were done
But even with all these people
Popping bottles and beer cans
I can't help but think of
How much I just wish you were here

One day you tell me that we can't talk
No more, no more
I am just asking you to go for a walk
But you said no more
I just don't get it, well maybe I do all too well
But without me there then I fear you will sell
Your heart, your raw beating heart
I just don't want you to sell yourself short

Now I know the truth is that you lie and deceive
Both your boyfriend and I are upset
But just know that I will be there when he leaves
Because you know he'll leave, so you say
So you keep talking to me
Just saving for that day
And you say that you love him
But you want me to stay
Lying to your friends
That you don't love me
But when ends reach the end
You know you do

Gaze into it
See yourself
Looking back
Is it you?
Or an imposter?
You can never really be sure
The eyes in the skull
Staring back
Never seem to be honest
About where they've been
What they've witnessed
Who they've touched
Why they look so tired

You just sigh though
There's not much else you can do
For all you've been through
Gets imprinted in your head
Transmits itself outward
And onto everything you see
Into everyone who looks inside
You can try to deny
Try and try as you might
The underneath always seems
To find its way to the surface
Clawing and scratching until
It spills
Onto the cold ground

Don't let the things they say out of spite
Get at your heart
And don't lets the looks, the stares, the scoffs
Tear you apart
Oh the days are coming and going at a staggering speed
Just don't let the pace trip you up or stammer your lead

See we're ahead of curve now and there's no looking back
There's no need for time now
Leaving peoples' heads spinning like a top
We have no room for nonsense, we just can't allow
So when things look a little dark just close your eyes
When you don't give in to sight there's no other choice but to not believe lies

Oh
The sound of torture
Audible through dead air
Nothing makes it past it's prime
Everything pays it's due
And we all feel the pain of fading

When all is said
And when all is done
Our lives may be left unread
The battles, we may not have won
But the scars we wear
Tell a million different stories
The hearts we tear
Are only minor casualties

i could suffocate you with clever wordplay
and say that i'd pay to lay with you for another day
but i'm past the point of the paradox and price
in that skirt that first night you looked so nice
i couldn't imagine what i'd done to see that
your walk is like a bash to the skull with a baseball bat

so lay me down and cut me open
let you see inside while you still can
baby, lets just vibe in the moment
baby, you eliminate all my torment

you're just a blip on my screen now
double-tapping your pics and asking myself how
how could things have just snowballed
i just wish you would've picked up when i called
now my heart is filled up and tapped out
but, my death, you won't know about

Carnivores in the cabinet
Theology through and through
Mothers can be so mysterious
Babies born into Barnum & Bailey's
Karate kicking you in the ****
Piercing through your pathetic *****
Dangerous days and dumbed-down digital
Filming from the foyer, frame by frame
Losing your lackeys
Can't find your car keys
Utmost ulterior and undulating oceans
Aliens acting antsy
Dogs doing down-beat digging
Anti-aging advertisements in America
Over our own oak trees
People picking in Peru
Sensing something sinister sliding silently south

Take your life
Turn it upside down
You've gotta fight
Flip the switch on that frown
I know it's rough
But it's just your perspective
I know you're tough
Someday you love gotta learn to live

When Everything's black & white
Nothing makes sense
Get the **** out and burn yourself with light
It doesn't even matter
As long as you're outta that self imposed ditch

I wish I could bring all the lights
Down for you to see in real life
And I wish I could take you
To the grounds of the truth
But the truth is that I can't say
Everything I want but I won't play
That game because deep down I'm scared
To scare you away

I won't be around forever
I know that's true
I just want to spend
Every single dollar and moment on and with you
But that's wrong, I wasn't supposed to catch feelings
So close, so soon, I'm just wheeling
Through time and time and space
I've never been here, I've never seen this place

Richard enters the same bar he's been frequenting for twenty-three years. His coat whips behind him and his hat nearly flies off his head as he rushes to his place at the bar. He looks at Ron, the bartender, who's been making his living on drunken tips and minimum wage his whole life.

Ron looks down at Richard and offers the man a weak smile. "The usual?"

Richard just stares down at the whiskey stained oak. "Make it quick, I feel like my heads about to explode."

Ron fills up a glass with straight gin and sets it down in front of Richard, who immediately snatched it up and tips it back.

Before the liquid can reach his tongue, Richard's brains decorate the ceiling with a new coat of wondrous crimson paint.

"I really have to work on my speed," Ron groans as he reaches for the mop.

Driving down the highway
Radio blasting
Smoking cowboy killers
No use in lasting

This is the generation
Of lost causes
This is the rejection
Of all losses

She looks to me
And he looks
At the back of my neck
I'm speeding

She doesn't care if I slow down
She doesn't care about dying
He couldn't give less of a ****
Smoking, drinking and sighing

I don't know what I believe
My mind has wandered that road
When I think about it
Something else just takes it's place, I suppose

So there we were
In my big red Chevy
The three of us laughing
At nothing in particular

Things never seem right
When I dream
And when I awake to the same sane me
I'm not so sure you can see what I mean
But what I want is to dream, dream, dream

Forever gripping the rails of sleep
Because inside of it I can do as I please
Lurid visions, fascination
A welcome break from monotony
Everyday seems so dull
Compared to when I'm in my bed
When I awake I am struck with wonder
How could my brain take me so far under?

The things I see
The things I hear
Some weird combination
Of hope and fear
If sleep has taught me anything
It's that anything can be anything
And everything isn't what it seems
Turn it around and upside down
Then look it through a telescope
A microcosm of possibility
Shame and humility
Oh, the things, the things I've seen
In my sleep

Writing to you again
You ignite my thoughts
My hand's still shaking
As I fold up the letter
Put it in a glass bottle
Sealing it sends another shudder
Down my fragile spine
No longer asking you
Because I'm certain you're mine

Should I bury it
Or send it out to sea?
Should I wait on it?
What will be, will be
After all these passing thoughts
Rush in and out of my head
I'm left with a smile
And echoes of words you've said
Maybe I'll just go to bed

When I wake up
I look out to the ocean
Over sand and under painted skies
I think you're my worst sin
Obsessed over the concept
Of us in a cozy hammock
Out of which we leapt
Went our separate ways
Yet my memories remain
Unshaken

nothing ever really seemed right
I could never win the fight
I'm dying on the concrete
I'm high as a kite

every day is a battle
every day is a struggle
I never know what's comin'
all my pain's in a twisted huddle

never really gave a ****
never really had no luck
black clouds above me
blood in my eyes and I can't see

some days I don't feel like talking
some days I'm nothing
but I'm always trying the knot
I'm always tying the knot
I'm always gasping for the
I'm always grabbing for the
for the worn knot at the end of my rope

I am stuck
Returning
Still sitting and
Burning
Flipping over yearning
Turning
Sides with the tide
Learning
To keep my head on straight

With your absence
Brings frequent gloom
Nothing that you said
Seems to escape my head
The words they bounce
Just as buoyant as ever
You can never be mine
But my ties will never sever
What we were

Adjusting every day
As my belt begins to loosen
Losing weight and gaining bad thoughts
All the while you still linger
At the forefront of my mind
You say ****** things
And then tell me that you're mine
I guess that's just the way I like it
Even though I think I hate it
Someone needs to save me
From these masochistic ways
I'm just gritting teeth and hoping
This is just a phase

Some day soon
When karma's killed the last one
And the clock kick-starts at Noon
We'll all know nothing

Way back when
When we all had hearts
Back in our caged playpen
The last time we knew innocence

Everyone makes me sick now
I can't look you in the eyes
Upon birth we took a vow
To never let the light stray from us

But we all **** up
And we all hit pavement
At our wounds, we ****
But nothing ever heals

I love and I love and I love, I love
But I don't get nothing out of it
I've got no issues with a kiss and hug
But I'm always, always yearning for something more
I just want your heart
But you just break mine apart
And expect me to walk in a straight line now
Well I can't
It won't happen when my heads a mess
Nothing calibrates correctly when you
Say that you need me and then you
You go, you leave, you're gone, you go
Oh, why do you go?
Why do you push me away every day?
I'm not the desperate kind
So I won't push
But you're always in my mind
Swimming in seas of blood red roses
When the veil lifts and the colors change
I'm not sure if I want to stay
I don't know if I can stay

I can't stay

I saw you standing there
With so much hope in your heart
I saw you waiting patiently
But I'm still to scared to start
You looked to me, beside the moon
And told me we could never part
So I'm still here waiting
For some stray spark to ignite your heart

Waiting for that spark
Oh, waiting could span whole lives
In and out you weave
Remnants of the tides
Waiting for you to let me know how  
Long it will take to tan our tired hides
But I'm sick of writing songs
And counting the days you're gone

You've been gone so long that I don't
See how things could be the same
I stare at empty skies
I stare thinking of nothing but the emptiness that comes with your name
You say things that make my bones ache
But you mean what makes my heart
Think that things are done
You exude what life makes me feel
And you make my body vibrate
Everything is made of paper, nothing of steel anymore

These words fade in and out, heart stuck in endless drought
Don't know what I'm fighting for
When I don't know if you're in or out
You've got to give some sign
Say a few words, at least
Either that or I've got to find
Some way to make my feelings cease

So if this is goodbye
I say thanks for the waste of time
Things you said we're good and fine I'm still looking for the ties that bind
And at times I find
Those ties are rarely by your side
And so now I say goodbye
Again, this is the last time the ride rises

My mind is clear
On this hazy morning
As I hear
The sounds of car horns blaring
I don't know what it is
About a brand new day-ay
I don't give a ****
What you're saying
About me going my way

Because I've got no regrets
Everything that happens, happens for the best
Even when the skies close back up
I still won't really give a ****
Because this
This is my day
And this, this, this
Won't turn my heart, heart gray

It's still early in the morning
I'm on my way to work
When it starts pouring
Rain and desperate texts
From you to me on this day
I don't know why but I still smile
You used to know how to play, play me
But I will never run your mile
No I won't give in to your Judas Kiss
Anymore
No more
No, no more

You used to have the power to turn my stomach
With just one look from your big brown eyes
Now your voice is something I can't stomach
No matter how much, how hard I try
But it doesn't matter
It doesn't add up in the big picture
Because now I'd rather
Just make myself richer
In heart and in mind
Without you
And I don't mind
That I'm never going to be with you
No I'm never going to be with you

I find solace
In that thoughts are imaginary
Fever dreams
Nothing much to them
Until you act

That line that exists
Between your mind's tellings
And your mouth's doings
Is a beautiful thing
It's what I hang my hat on each day

And then there's that thing

Life
It's a weird one
An old, odd friend
Who you don't know whether to kiss
Or to lure into a back alley
Intent on cutting their belly open
To see what falls out

There was once a little boy
And his name was Michael
He liked to run and to jump and to play with his toys
But one day his world turned on him -- he was in his own Living Hell

He opened his mouth and tried to speak
Wagged his tongue but nothing worked
His gums started bleeding, his teeth loosened and became weak
The flies still buzzed and the birds still chirped
But poor Michael couldn't speak

rotting
festering
rotting
rotting
perpetually
spinning
decaying
d­issolving
disgusting
dormant
coagulating
coats
still
freezing
fry­ing
drying
stinking
encompassing
stench
rotting
boiling
rotting
r­otting
dying

was in high school, I had a friend who would always claim that he had premonition dreams. He said that on some random nights, he'd wake up in a cold sweat and would have to wait a few minutes to catch his breath before he could fall back asleep. Now, I'm not sure how true his claims were as he never gave me any real examples of dreaming up the future, but what he said to me one night, while we were just sitting around and talking, really shook me. He told me that the dream he had the night before took place in a funeral parlor. Few people were there to pay their respects to the dead and he said the few people that were there seemed annoyed at the fact that they had to take the time out of their busy lives to attend. He said he was overcome with a feeling of immense dread as he approached the plain, dark wooded box of the deceased. When he got to the foot of the casket, and knelt to say a prayer, he looked inside to see who had crossed the last threshold. And the person inside that box... Was me.

At first, I kind of laughed it off. Who does he think is? ******* Nostradamus? But after a only a few moments of contemplation, I was overcome with immense sadness. How could no one show up to my funeral? Why wasn't my shoe family there? Why does he get to live longer than me? Why was he so calm when he told me this?

He told me this six years ago. And every once in a while the thought pops back in my head. After so many years of sporadic contemplation on the subject, I've actually learned to cope with the idea. As crazy and insane and unknowable as the matter is, I've come to terms with the thought that not many people will show up at my funeral, whenever that may be. I figure it like this; would I rather have lots of people grieving and crying and wailing uncontrollably at my coffin-side who probably didn't know me that well at all and were more than likely acting, if they even cared to put on a show? Or would I rather have a few, a few who really knew me and every crease and crinkle of my heart and soul?

Blasted
Out and far wide
Hurling
Tumbling out and in
Planets
Pass and go
Asteroids
Crash and burn
Time
Wanes and builds
Nothing
Stops for you
Everything
Lies in wait

I wanna be the first to know
I wanna be your number one
When your skies are grey
I wanna be your Sun
I wanna be the Sun

When I first met you
I knew you were different
Nobody thought it was true
But I had my sights set on you
With those big brown eyes
You'd look through your hair at me
Whenever I'd touch you
I could suddenly see
I could suddenly see again

Everyone loved to talk
About what they saw in us
I don't know what they thought
But behind us, always trailed a fuss
Bobbing heads and flapping mouths
Like they knew something that we didn't
We would just laugh it off
Those little hearty bouts
Oh how I miss your laugh

Chapter One: Bozo & Bonzo

The Goatman was a fat guy who lived in the old part of town where everything looked tired. No one around there cared very much about anything.
There were two bums who liked to hang around the train tracks over there. We started calling them Bozo and Bonzo. Bonzo didn't mind because he loved The Who and Bonzo happened to be his favorite drummer. Bozo did mind and would curse and spit at us whenever we'd say the word. He told us to call him by his real name (Charlie) but we liked Bozo a lot more.
Anyway, my friend Lawrence and I would give Bonzo and Bozo a quarter each for a recounting of a recent sighting of the Goatman. One day after school we decided to drop by the tracks to see if they were around. They were, and they were both **** drunk and stunk like wet dogs do after they come inside from the rain. Bonzo asked me if I wanted a swig from his flask and I shook my head no.
"******' *****, I knew you weren't the real deal," Bonzo muttered as he swirled his flask in a circle, as if it were an expensive martini.  
"I don't need your nasty backwash, thanks," I shot back.
"We want more information on the Goatman," Lawrence broke in.
"We have quarters," I added.
Lawrence took the 50 cents from his pocket and extended his arm. Bozo quickly snatched up the coins and laughed.
"You two hot for the Goatman or somethin'?"
"We're not gay for the Goatman," Lawrence says. "But we're definitely gay for finding out who the **** he actually is."
Bozo laughed some more but it came out as a hearty, borderline obese and drunk gargle/scoff.
"We saw him yesterday, believe it or not. I was takin' a **** in a bush across the street from him and he came amblin' out. I was too drunk to care much at the time but lookin' back, I shoulda been more scared," Bozo looked down at the worn boots on his feet and kicked the dirt. "He was carryin' a tiny plastic shoppin' bag, all neatly *******. After he went back inside I crept over and took it and just ******' ran, man," Bozo seemed distressed just verbalizing his encounter.
"So what was inside?" I knew he was getting to it, but I needed to know.
"Just some candy wrapper. Nothin' but candy wrapper. Butterfingers', 3 Musketeers', Pay Days. You name it, he ate it," Bozo completely broke down laughing this time. I'm coming to realize he is the sort of person who thinks he's funnier than anyone else seems to.

My countdown
To nothingness
Began when I left my mind
I was so sick
Cared for what I couldn't find
But now I know what I have to do
Life's too short to never see the signs
I think I know what I know is true
But I don't have the time


Will it ever end?
Will I know ever know her smell?
Am I allowed to taste her?
Will I be taken by the hand from this Hell?
Shown the light in the dark?
Given the keys to the gate?
Be granted the gift of the spark?

My head is lead
My body's living dead
I just don't know
When will she show?
Will she ever show?

That thing
That hangs over us
Watching, eyes wide
No pupils
Just the white

It follows us
Up the block
Onto the train
Through the woods
Down the path
And back again

Sometimes we're aware
Of it
Sometimes we never think to
Notice
But
It
Is always
There

Entitlement
I
The side effect
Me
Down fall
My
Of us all

I
Can never tell
My
Personal hell
Me
And you in this room
I
Think it might as well be our tomb

I'm
Stuck in this cycle
My
Heart beats out of my chest
Me
And my and I never know what's best
I
Can't tell you the truth
My
Mind doesn't know the difference

With your teeth in my neck
Nothing I can think of
All thoughts turn into little specks
On the surface of a white hot sun
The heatwaves are relentless
Reckless when you step away
I can't imagine anything
Because when you play this game
You don't act the same
And you begin to change

The hate spews from your mouth
Like lava down a volcano
The smoke rises from your body
And that's when I know there ain't no
Changing your mind
There's no changing your mind

You are my
Precious heat seaking missile
Sent from my insides
On a mission with a deadly whistle
Everyone gets back
They know there's nothing that will
Stop your attack
No one tempts a crouching killer

She texts and says she's at work
Says she's feeling down
Says she's feeling hurt
I tell her I'm down
Or I'm up for whatever
Anything to see that pretty smile on her face
Anything to see us light up the whole place
Like ****, now this is a change of pace

I met her on the job
She said she had a boyfriend
But now they're on the outs
Now I know it might be close to the end
But I don't mind just being that girl's friend
No, I don't mind being her favorite friend
And by "friend", I don't really mean friend

I know I'm on a road to Hell
On a path of destruction
Whether it be my own or hers
It's not really me if she's down for *******
I just like the sound her voice makes
And I think she's pretty **** cute
I've never been insensitive
Or, maybe I have
But I've been saving all this Karma
It's time I put some of it to use
It's time I drank some of this juice
It's time I let myself loose

I can't really blame her
When she says she really likes me
Her guy doesn't sound too nice
If he really wants to fight me
Over her then I'd probably just drop it
It's not that I'm scared
I just really don't care
Enough to get all *****
Over something that's not mine
I'd rather save my strength
For something more refined
It's not my fault if she tells me
She really likes me
It's not my deal
When she jokes with me sexually
She's just another girl
It's still the same world
I'm not about to **** my own vibe
For any black pearls

Apocalyptic grin
Ain't no way to win
Choking on smoke
I'm just trying to keep alive
My body's weary
My eyes are ******
And I see you two times
In the bleak daylight
The darkness surely lies

The reaper calls out
My arms welcome him
As I shout
I walk out on a whim
Someone come find me
There ain't no way to win
Ain't no way to win

Live or die
It's not my decision
Win or lose
There's no way to tell
If I can go on like this
My life's so clouded
Just can't deal with this ****
On a winter's night
I freeze my *** off on the corner
Waiting for my fix
Contemplating quitting this
Pondering a better life
Thinking fondly of a fresh start
But here comes the scythe
With these evil ways, I just can't seem to part

And now I'm stuck
In this ****** little existence
Couldn't leave, couldn't stay
But here I am, here I lay
Here I lie with nowhere to go
Lied and lied
Said I wouldve stopped
But we both know
The truth is I couldn't bear to
We both know the truth
Is something I could never handle
So here I am
Here I go
Here I lie
And it's time to show
It's time to show everyone
It's time to show everyone how ****** up I've become

So ****** up
So ****** up
More ****** up than you
So ****** up
Too ****** up
More ****** and it's true that I could no longer take it
No longer take the long nights alone

Now don't get me wrong
I believe in vanity
And you're vain as ****

There once was a boy
Made of 1s and 0s
A product of the age
Of information

Built from wires and numbers and clicks
From brain signals to solid brick
Accumulated flesh from the minds of the strangers
Parents to a perfect specimen
Programmed to recognize "Mommy" and "Daddy"
"Poppy" and "Uncle"

even when your skin is bleeding and melting
i'll be there to hold you while you're crying
as the sky is lit ablaze and the atmosphere caves in
you and i will watch, so helpless, as we repent for our sins
never thought, never hoped it would come to this
but when we should've been fighting you just gave me a kiss

the bomb doesn't know love
it doesn't want to
the powers that be don't believe in hugs
you know it's true
everything will be gone, from you to your bed bugs
but don't be blue

when heads get hot an the buttons are pressed
all will disintegrate, there will be nothing left
they say their trying their best but
underneath they really couldn't give a ****
if a few die here and there, no one cares
it's not them, so it's not their cross to bear

Forget it
Just don't even consider
What I said
Just brush it from your conscious mind
And pretend that **** words
Could never possibly exist in the same sentence
Together
Together like I
Like I once thought we could've
Could exist on the same side
With the same mindset

Together, together, together

But I've realized
That these things
How I imagine
In my own head
Languishing in the glory
That my brain constructs
Is too much
It's just not feasible
For a girl like you
With that past
With that kid that you still follow
And wish was yours
Like me
Just like me
The only difference is that
You've been with him
And we've been talking for years
But you say
That you want to be with me
But it just had t happened yet
It's just not an option right now
But you still follow me
Like you want me
And you still follow
For reasons I'm unsure of
But please
Please

Please

Just tell me
Just be honest
Speak from the heart
When
Or
If
You ever tell me
That all you want
Is
Me

Only

Me



I've never sunken this low


In my life


I'm drunk


And I'm thinking irrationally




But please


Please


Just say


It's only


Me