You hold death in your hands
Shaking so much you can barely stand
Gripping the gleaming, black metal
As you think of your broken, trampled petals
You just stood there as you watched them fall
One by one they left you, now there's nothing you can do at all

Why, oh, why
Do you cry, cry, cry?

Out into the night
Or on my shoulder

Tears are all you know
It's time I go, go, go

Around the block
Or across the Universe

You see all the bad
You're so sad, sad, sad

In the early morning
Or long after sunset

I try to make you see
I just ask "please, please, please..."

Whispering in your ear
Or shouting at the back of your head

You tell me you've changed
Yet all you do is blame, blame, blame

It used to be your family
But now it's all directed at me

Your smile masks your intent
After it all, I feel so spent
spent

spent

Just like Earth girls and
Taking a stroll through hot Hell
Haikus are simple.

Swinging back and forth in my headspace
Picking and choosing what my tongue says
In my brain, there is always a battle to be won
Unsure of causing trouble or of having a little fun
Seconds tick by and then minutes turn to hours
These thoughts, they grow into beautiful broken flowers

hang me from the highest cross
next to the oak adorned in green moss
let me feel the knife as you push it into me
I won't flinch once as I cease to be
with a smile on my smug face
confident as I slowly leave this place

so give me everything you've got
my skin turns cold while the sun beats hot
one thing you can never ****
is the ghost of my heart even as I lie still

sounding like some lonely teenage poetry
spewing from my head, so ordinarily
typical people with the same ideas
laughing as they clink glasses, cheers
all the while I look on, my smile never fades
wondering what comes next as the music plays

ive dodged bullets bigger than my head
fired by guns in the hands of the lost & lonely
by all rights i should surely be splattered, dead
the gray matter lodging in my skull is my one & only
my neuro-circuits are a circus blaring classic jazz
emanating from my ears and causing a regular razzmatazz

my heart, i know it beats only for a limited time
like an infomercial, superficial in the way it teases me
but my head, it knows the differences between reason & rhyme
money equals madness and the line between land & sea
at the same time, i feel it disintegrating as it sits worriless
and I ask myself, "could you really care less?"

but when the day comes when my heart & head agree
i know it will be near the end and i'm okay with that
no longer will i scurry like a hungry squirrel, endlessly
i will not walk around with the curiosity of a newborn cat
looking for my head, examining this hypothetical ****** mystery
for it won't be dead like my heart will claim it to be

i saw her standing there, laughing and smiling
i looked down and filled my lungs with clean air
it was funny how in her smile i could see her crying
i looked up again and tried my best not to stare
she looked my way and ran her fingers through her hair

her pretty clothes looked a little old but i could see
that she didn't care because if she did she would cease to be
as i came closer then i could feel a sense of urgency
from within me i tried to quench the flames of unbridled glee
she smiled wider then, white teeth glimmered back at me
"what's your name?" i said, standing like a willow tree

as i heard her words for the first time, already hoping it wasn't the last
the vibrations from her throat caressed my eardrums violently
a little shaken and surprised i could feel the mistakes of my past
as they rose up and greeted me rather harmoniously
i realized i knew that they now meant nothing to me

with all the stars in the sky
burning bright light, never ask "why?"
they exist just as you do and made of everything you are
but you wish, you wish that you could be that bright burning star
hanging, glinting effortlessly in black space without a care
with all the time in the world yet not a moment to spare

you sit in the grass while the sun hides for the night
and the moon, she asks that you take in her sight
the raging fire of the sun and the gentle cool of the moon take turns
and only if you ask of them you will know you have much to learn
so keep sitting in the grass while you level yourself with the frequency
and in the end and with their care you will no longer live in urgency

all i wanted was to save you but i could never do that
one thing ive learned in my 24 years is only you can do that
if you ever decide to flip the switch ill be right there
ive waiting all this time but i don't mean to scare you
its just i believe in people and the power of their will
until the time is right ill be here in the middle of the night sitting still
making sure my influence or lack thereof serves you right
i don't mean to get too heavy all ive wanted to be was light
streaming through your ***** windows fighting the dark
let me be the strange rock you find walking through the park
sturdy and strong and representative of everything youre not
let me be the cool wind blowing when the sun is just too hot
when you finally realize that your bones are all that youve got
you can find me waiting for you in that ancient parking lot

ive been inspired to be uninspired
and all the things happening right now
seem like some sick and elaborate plan
i will take myself out of this and live forever
its time i take responsibility for all of this cruelty
everything ive ever inflicted upon you and them
was unintentional even when i meant to do it
i am out of my mind and ill be the first to admit it
but that doesn't make up for the ramblings of a dull man
and when i was just a boy i didn't realize the repercussions
all that i saw i took in with open arms and soaked it up like a sponge
now they live deep inside me crying out to be exorcised
but even exercise cant take me away from where im at right now
every breath burns my lungs like all of these cigarettes
i inhale with a vigor like nothing else ive ever done in my life
fixated on the thought of you under the streetlight that night
so pretty and pure and you ran away because i liked to fight
its all my fault and the guilt i feel cant purge me of that
so now i just sit here and wonder what you think of me
always thinking of myself and disregarding the rest
that's the curse that's been brought down like a sledgehammer
onto my deformed and ***-backwards ******* smile
for no reason am i entitled to feel like i was owed something
i just wanted to see you but there i go with the me-me-me's again
so this is for you, wherever you are i don't even know
nor do i even care that much because you'll always live within me
i just hope you find someone to bring you everything you seek
i was weak before and you were too strong to be with something this meek

down and out
on the fringe
clinging to life
fingers like powder
just looking up
but tripping back
shoelaces too tight
they untie themselves
scrambling too quickly
I glimpse darkness
an unknown hole
demands its dinner
I keep tripping
legs like rubber
and its over
I let go

strolling through the grass
patches of dirt sprinkled about
planting seeds of hope
the sun, the moon they shout
watch intently as they grow

gripping my talisman
waiting for my woman
peering through the within
this life is filled to the brim

sprouting up and out
evolution is man's best friend
jumping through time
the end is never the end
the end is never the end

I'm in the business
of killing feelings
like swatting flies
I swipe and slap
and they dance about
effortlessly evading my grasp

the living are
the envy of
the dead

the dead are
the mystery of
the living

the times are
the frustration of
the awakened

the awakened
the enemy of
the sleeping

the sleeping are
the friends of
the powers that be

the powers that be are
the bane of
the entirety

flames of hell
burning bright
you can't see it
it's like sunlight

illumination
the only thing
that transforms us
and makes us want to sing

gift from heaven
like a dream
it seems odd
nothing is as it seems

interdimensional
through time and space
seeking truths
all over the place

in this world
on this earth
we feel it all
then locked in a hearse

so before that time
its dawned on me
that nothing is by accident
nothing is as it seems

Yeah, its done now
I saw your eyes
Glinting and shimmering
Before the sunrise
But now on my own
And you are too
The words you said
Weakened me like a flu

We came at dawn
Naked and cold
The wind blew strong
Suddenly felt so old
With limbs paralyzed
By the thought
Of the end of the line
But I fought

Now I'm stronger
I must admit
These things happen
And people don't give a ****
But from within you
You can sense
Your hearts aglow
And no longer so dense

to the sound of the guns and the sirens and the screams
i look upon you and ask that you don't hear my words
with all my heart and soul i feel the tattered clothes
hanging on your frail frame like an innocent man dangling
over a retractable floorboard

marching through the forest and then the town and through streets
paved with the blood of the children of the downtrodden
mothers cry out for the one true savior of their grief
the creator of all things holy and good and unmistakable
hears the chaos with a cool grin

it is he who witnesses the wrongdoings of beasts
as well as the good-natured and even-tempered
the wrongs that are righted by the hands of demons
and the atrocities that can be seen in the palms of saints

these spiders crawl into my brain
and I can't really complain
as their venom flows and swirls
I'm a sucker for a sweet girl
with a like-mind and a welcoming smile
think i'll sit here and stare for a while
as she walks past me on the same path
in my head, I burn and I crash

I would die
to be something else
I will die
become something brand new
and I'll fly
I'll fly
I'll fly...

If you want a piece
a shot at me
then take aim
but make sure
make sure
your gun
is clean

blinded by the light
deafened by the sound
blunted by the powers that be
crushed by the ground

gazing into the abyss
staring contests with the sun
swimming in the void
pleasure kills the fun
strolling down a dirt road
tripping on things you should've seen
stabbed by the hindsight
you were never all you could be

what you see is not
always what you get
I've come to soak up
your pain and maybe if
I can succeed in that
I will feel that sense
of accomplishment and
love that I seek.

Heather
              she floats like a
                                           feather
and bends
                    at the knee.

Heather
               just one letter
                                       from
                                                heathen.

Heather
               she'll do you one
                                              better
                                                         and she'll fly.

Heather
               who lives with me
                                                just to see
                                                                

just to see.

These walls have so much to say.
Bleeding through the color and the grime.
That sinking feeling when you pray.
Hands clasped, eyes closed tightly.
With tears streaming down your cheeks.
Cumulating in a sick puddle on the floor.
I've been shipwrecked for weeks,
now, at the bottom of my brain.
All I see are these old bloodstains.

In times of duress,
4 AM and I'm stressed.
Backtracking and I guess
all the times that you pressed
me to express something more than ***
made me all too aware of my inadequacies.

Limping down the path with my shoes untied.
What I thought was the way of least resistance
turned out to be a farce, a joke, a big ******* lie.
But now I'm on the mend at the end of the road.
Kicking up dirt and choking on erratic words.
Now is not the time to offer your verbal guidance,
it's not like they're something I've never heard.
In search of something more stable and concrete,
I start to feel them growing - the wings of a big, black bird.

I am what you feel
I see what you hear
I am turning the wheel
I see you holding that beer
And it looks so cold
To me, you are unbreakable
And as we grow old
Things seem to slide off our shoulders

The way I see it
We are not where we want to be
The way we feel it
Cursed to live in decaying bodies
Full of bones and blood
Where cancer might one day live
But we're making the best of it
Building our empires out of **** and ****

You go
from
wanting to
puke
your guts up.
To
wanting to
live
forever.

I hear your voice.
It sounds cold.
And hear your steps.
I feel old.
But your words,
they hold me up.
Hold me down.
Let me see.
Allow me
to feel
what is there,
what is here,
and where we are.

Give me light.
Illuminate
the way.
For my eyes
are bad in the dark.
And all around us
night has fallen.
The Sun is just a memory.
The warmth it gives,
just a faint echo.
As I crash
into the bridge
that we used
to get to here.

She'll never know
how I truly feel.
Because I go
about my business
swiftly and silently.
My heart feels
locked up like
it's been sentenced
to 25 to life.
And there's nothing
I can do to end this strife.
It's like a burning Hell
inside of my head.
She rings my bell
and I feel dead.
But I'm not.
I'm still breathing.
Feeling kind of hot.
Bobbing and weaving
through the jungles
of my love.

Things seem so trivial
When the words fall
From your mouth
Onto the ground
Feeding the greenery

I've got this feeling
That I can't put into words
But I'll try my best
As these thoughts come in herds
Circling 'round my head
And landing in my heart
While I'm laying in bed
Thinking just of you

So what the Hell is your name?
And where are we going?
Things never seem too tame
When we get where we're going
I think we missed our stop
But I keep looking forward
When I heard a loud pop
Tires skid on this slicked road

I found a letter from you
From a long time ago
What you said turned out untrue
And there's no one left to blame but you

Just watch me fly
Up in the sky
You're always the
First thought on my mind

You search,
it's yours to find.
And move,
you've been too kind.
I'm not for you,
not to be confused.
With the truth,
because I never can tell.

I never knew
how to speak to you.
Running from the truth
until my lips turn blue.

Your eyes are scared
to see what's right there.
So you close yourself off
by taking your clothes off.
Open yourself up when
someone seems to care.
But in the end
it's all for naught.

Eyes glazed over.
Sitting down.
Staring away
at the ground.
Tracing my knuckle
with my finger.
Having a chuckle,
good thoughts linger.

The air around my head feels light.
The ground below my feet feels right.
Soaring above, looking at the ants down there.
When I'm actually just sitting in this chair.

I see those pieces of you.
They fit me just fine.
So lets walk together.
Lets pop this bottle of wine.
But you're so you that you
put me straight to shame.

You are so young and so free
that I'm afraid I might not let you be.
You bring that feeling that I don't want to leave.
I get too excited when you say you want to be with me.

I just want what I want
and that's a selfish thing.
I know you've got yours
and that's why I'm singing.
Not because this is how it is
but because of what this could be.

made a promise for a new dawn.
never liked it that way.
this way isn't that great.
it does, however, pay.
so I'm sticking to paths.
planting my feet and twisting around.

so I move in a different way.
and I don't want to hear about yours.
I hear clearly the words that you say.
and the sweat pours out of pores.

things on the street, it's everywhere.
bottles, cans and heartbeats.
walking through forests and people stare.
if you're not part of the flock,
then you give them a big scare.
living life on the highway.
living life the high way.

playing with bright light.
desperate to make it right.
everything is a muddy fight.
when you shoot on sight.
everyone's got their gripe,
marginalized into hate or like.

so take the time out.
breathe, breathe in and out.
I never meant to shout.
but then things got too loud.
things always get too loud.

you walk around like nothing's wrong.
I sit down and time is long.
feeling like a little, useless pawn.
where can I find the comfort to lay down?
why don't you just go on your way?
no one here asked you to stay.

All these years have passed me by.
You smiled at me as you cried.
It never struck me like it has now,
that I'd been searching for your love
for so long.

Looking high and low.
From the sky to the ground.
The affection that you showed
flew by my heart at high speed.
But now the time has come,
when things aren't so muddled.
Don't know where you came from
but now I realize.

Like the lookout on the tower,
I check my watch hour by hour.
Peering out over the bridges
and patching up my old stitches.
It's just now that I've found
what I thought could never be.
With both feet on solid ground,
now I've measured pound for pound.
What you've got for me
isn't just a love story.

You can't grasp it too tight.
Don't wander so close to the light.
It'll burn your hands and eyes,
just as the truth clouds all the lies.
So just take one step at a time now,
and please refrain from cowering
beneath the moon tonight.

You've got to take your sweet time.
It's only sour when you force it.
Follow the path you've paved,
and the angels will let you touch it.
The angels will let you feel it.

Bombs drop like fat gum-*****
Exploding and killing it all
And all the while, I eat my words
I feed, I feed, I feed

I talk and you can't hear me
Speaking on some other frequency
You mumble something weird
You see, you see the sea

In my heart and in my eyes
The changes aren't hard to see
I look up at dark grey skies
And I see, I see, I see

Things never seemed so right
as when you and I were in the fight.
Facing the wind together and
banded together, always and forever.
But things change just like that wind
and when it picks up, it carries us forward.

So avert your eyes against the light,
the light that breeds the hate and slight.
For in the dark we find ourselves
and in ourselves we find our footing.

Plant your feet firmly, babe.
I'm sorry I wasn't ready for this.
Just let your fears carry on.
Close your eyes and your thoughts are mine.
Now, I can't really help with that.
But I know all about things like that.

Pacifists don't get anywhere
but neither do the War Pigs.
Eternal peace breeds eternal
love.
Eternal war breeds eternal
hate.

Looking a gun in the face,
just a finger away from the great beyond
and doing nothing about it
and accepting that your soul will go on
won't do you any good.

Your family weeps and your future bleeds
out on the hard concrete in the faces of everyone
who has ever loved you and hoped for you.
You don't have to win
but you have to fight.
You don't have to sin
but you've got to have
might.
You have
the right.
You have
your sight.
So just
fight.
And you
will
go
on.

Restoration override.
Approach with the tide.
Ride the watery ride
and lie the golden lie.
Gold seeps from within.
Fear festers in sin.
Just as we go down,
up is only a frown
away.

Greet the morning weather.
Rain or shine, you will see.
Float like a feather,
and bend at the knee.

Never knew how to lift it.
Only knew that I felt it.
Black skies hung constantly,
clouds formed viciously over me.

Never knew how to walk right.
Only knew I didn't talk right.
Black moods ever present
and false thoughts never relented.

It's different now, though.
I feel a certain energy.
In me, I know I can go
anywhere, despite the lethargy.
Anything, despite the misery.
And all I did was
let go.

People never listen
to me.
Because they know
the truth.
That I've grown
to be
a naysayer and
truth bringer.
True honesty is
honestly
not something they're
used to.
So if you don't
want to
hear what I have
to say,
then please, please
never ask me
what I'd do.

Luna is everything.
In the air we breathe
and the nighttime wind.
The stories we weave.
And the things we see.

Luna is everything.
She hangs innocently.
With sinister intentions.
What is it that we're seeing?
The Moon and what she's doing.

I don't care
for *******.
You talk and
I don't hear it.
Blah, blah, blah,
just close your mouth.
Wah, wah, wah,
all you do is pout.

Sometimes I don't know how
You put one foot in front of the other
Despite all your hardships and
Battle scars bleeding, you smother
The bad and the good breathes free
Selective life is the life for thee

So look me in the eyes
and tell me everything.
In spite of the wide, wide
world, spread your wings
and you set yourself free.

The news on the TV tell us things
like wildfires and deaths
are the norm and singers sing
about meaningless ***, no love.
No, the things that we need
are nowhere to be seen.
I can be your someone to lean
on.

Picture this:

You're at work
in your little
cubicle.
Doing nothing
too important.
Emailing this,
filling out that.
Talking to Bill,
George, Hank and Ken.
Laughing merrily
about some *****
that Hank ******
on Saturday.
When suddenly
BANG!

It hits you.

That feeling
deep in the pit
of your gut.
No, you're not
hungry.
Well not for food, anyway.
The feeling that slaps
you across
the face,
is the feeling
of emptiness.

It comes out of
nowhere
and stings like ****.
"What am I
doing?"
You ask yourself.
"Where am I
going,
what am I DOING?!"

Ok, maybe not that dramatic.
But it still hurts.
And it still stings.
And you don't know
what to do.
So you excuse yourself.
Head to bathroom
and look in the mirror.
You're sweating.
Your heart beats
at the rate it would
if you were doing
some heavy work.
Lifting a big pile
of clothes
and running down
a
long
flight
of
stairs.
And you don't know why.

But then you
do know why.
It's because you're
wasting your
******* time.
"You're dying, man."
Your brain tells you.
"You're
*******
dying
here."