She sits alone; a breeze twists briskly by softly caressing her sullen face...
Inadvertently it chills the slick tears she tried to quickly wipe from their place…
It took every bit of strength to keep her lips from quivering and hold her head with grace…
She slyly blots her eye and looks around before sinking back into thought, fingers interlaced…

Salty prisoners caught running from the dreams played out on the backs of her tired eyelids...
Feeling trapped in a nightmare... shocking images of a shattered past littered with lonely silence...
Something’s just not right there, maybe she was cheated on or the victim of domestic violence…
Desperately wishing that just one of these ******* would show her some compassion or kindness...

But here she sits on a bench stomaching the thought of being alone to face the world herself...
Its a bitter taste that doesn't age well like the fine wines she keeps for relief on the shelf…
She’ll take a couple sips and feel the hate swell, jealousy perched on her shoulder like a devilish elf...
Whispering doubt til she really believes it with every cell, feeling like she can trust NO man for help...

The familiar thoughts creep through the back of her head like silent thieves...
As she weeps they swipe the hope right from the air she desperately gasps to breathe…
Every breath alone makes the pain, hurt, and emotions grasp at her heart and seethe...
Her body’s tired from the sobbing reluctantly causing her stomach and chest to heave...

“Am I destined to be alone forever?”
“Will I ever find a man that isn't trash, but treasure?”

Her girlfriends try to help but sometimes she doesn't like to let herself believe them…
Cause at the end of the night she sleeps alone while they're with their husband sleepin...

She convinces herself the man of her dreams must not love her or that he simply doesn’t exist...
But that couldn’t be further from the truth, he IS real… he just doesn't know where she is…

Sometimes I wish I could talk about the pain an hurt that I hold inside..
I guess it’s just a matter of maintaining self worth and emboldened pride…
That, and I hate revealing the scars and wounds I take time to carefully hide…
Because I’m pretty sure that’s not a look of empathy I’m seein there in your eye…

See, I’m usually the last man in the line lookin for a handout or pity…
And sometimes I’d rather stroll at night alone and get swallowed up by the city,
than go out thinking about how I’m feelin hollow an still tryin to act witty..
But it’s a good thing I got drive to get past it and I thank my father that he instilled it in me..

See I grew up a good kid on the wrong side of the tracks, just a half a block past hope..
Had a childish dream of bein a politician or a lawyer but here I am, still *** broke...
That life was stolen when the last bit of air was gasped from my fathers throat..
It wasn't his fault he passed away that night, I just never learned to cope..
Instead I went out an found another life, I stayed hustlin an lightin up dope..
Constantly lookin at my morals dying through a smokey ****** scope...
A shell casing of self loathing almost destroyed the work of my loving folks..

Still through it all my mom an sis never gave up on me though..
Matter of fact, they fought harder for me at times than I did, that's the love I know!
Real talk, my big sister probably saved the life of her little kid bro..
That day she dragged my *** to college, pointed me forward, and told me to go!

I didn’t change overnight though an I’m still walkin forward on that road..
Yea, I’ve stumbled to the point that all I got left now is ****** nubs for toes..
But one foot keeps falling diligently a step ahead of where the other goes..
An aching reminder in every stride that pain and I are forever juxtaposed…

Burned into my consciousness, it’s seared deep with a long list of heartbreaks and R I P’s...
Coupled with the dull ache of lonely nights, lost love, and shattered beliefs…
These thoughts clatter around in my head whether I’m awake or asleep..
But with twin sides to every dagger, it also keeps me sharp on my feet..
Cause I don’t think there’s a heaven with angels pluckin harp strings on a golden street..
It sounds too good to be true… when it ends, I think we just skid to a stop, a whole six feet deep…

To me, there ain’t nothin heavenly about a grave, no matter how elaborate the headstone…
I know from experience that cross displayed won’t ever give you a hug or a friendly welcome home..
Even so, I still persuade myself to open my heart an truly love my fam, now I never fear the unknown..
In order to cope I’m self taught, my lesson plan to shed words instead of tears, formed into a poem..

So I live with the pain inside and hurt that glows deep in my bones and I’m learnin to happily explore it..
Call me a *******, but I figure if I gotta suffer a beautiful life on earth, I might as well be smiling for it..

He’s carefree as the pen caresses the page..
Mirrored images from the mind of the sage…
So vivid the tears of pain and happiness can blind your rage..
Words livid, coming to life and dancing off the stage…

As lucid forms they rise in a furious action…..
They writhe into life newborns, in a hurried fashion…
Now exposed to a world of blood thirsty assassins…
They take shape and fight with all of their passions…

They’ve finally escaped to free paper…
No longer trapped inside their peace maker…
But their peace maker considers his pen and his pad to be saviors…
They give him what he needs and he never repays ‘em with favors…

They release these demons and give him a good night sleep…
Now staring at the back of his eyelids won’t make him weep…
Cause the words that composed his nightmares took a dire leap…
It’s safe now, he can close his notebook and retire in peace….

To Bailey
What up cousin? It’s been a  while since we’ve spoken..
I’ve been tryin to keep my mind focused and stayin open..
tryin to figure out how to rebuild my heart again now that it’s broken..
hopin and prayin to some god that it’s all a dream an I’ll be awoken..

But I’m not an ignorant or irrational man, so it’s back to life as I know it..
now I sit here with pen in hand, talking to another lost loved one as a poet..
*******, every time it seems to get a little harder and harder to be stoic..
I do it for you, but my choice would have been to find a rock and hide far below it..

But I’ve held you down, an showed the world a face with a sculpted smile..
Meanwhile inside I strong armed my stomach to prevent the expulsion of bile..
mind racing, god ******!!! Just 29 years is nowhere near a long enough while!!
and to think, you barely even got to spend 3 of those with your child..

It makes me want to shout to the stars and curse our own existence..
I guess I learned I can’t box god due to something about my arms and the distance..
so I’ve given up being angry about it and stopped my resistance..
but the one thing it’s affected more than any other is my persistence..

From time to time I’m gonna ask someone “has anyone told you they loved you today?”
and if they say no, I’ll be the first person to show them a sincere display…
YOU taught me that bailey, and no matter what, I’ll never let it slip away…
I can’t thank you enough for your life, I wouldn’t even know how to repay!

It’s those small perfect lessons we can all take from your life…
I couldn’t even begin to tell them all in the course of one night…
you were an amazing person to anyone who met you, a true delight..
people called you a shiner, a catalyst, a loving father, and a white knight…

everyone had a story of how you had given them inspiration..
I can’t thank you enough on behalf of the world for your donations!
I’m glad I could finally write this letter to show my appreciation..
the words had been escaping me with some trepidation..

I love you Bailey, always have and always will!!
I can’t believe you’re gone but I carry on still…
I soldier up when I need to then settle down to chill…
I’ll see you when I see you, you know the drill…

Rest In Peace: Bailey Paul McKeon-Phillips

Like the first gulp of air on a frosty morning…
or a majestic view from halfway to the heavens..
the moment I saw your smile…
you took my breath away

I’ve stood on the corner and slow danced with death..
Held it’s chilly hand and took a deep breath of stress..
The cold street seemed to even heave a heavy breath..
It’s weight falling and freezing in layers upon my chest..
Everything was wrong, I could feel the need to progress..
Sick of flippin’ bags, ***** deeds, and all the rest..
Hoppin’ from bar to bar, wakin’ up feelin’ like a ****** mess..  
Out to party hard, chance the odds and do it all to impress..
But I woke up one morning and knew for sure that I’d digressed..
I’d found a fool in the mirror an all the sudden the facts coalesced..

I needed an out, a place to go, to soul search, a personal expedition..
All I had to find was a suitable place to make the transition..
To shed my filthy skin and leave New York was my only mission..
I had to start the journey that would to bring myself to fruition..
I sold everything I owned and headed to California on intuition..
I stayed in the rut for a minute but finally overcame opposition..
Without a shred of luck, here I am, a straight up redefinition..
I’m cuttin’ everything bad in out my life with surgical precision..
Becoming a free man to follow my life’s greatest ambitions..

I’ve been to the point where I’ve strained my eyes on the bright light to the other side..
But the closer I got the light enveloped me and slowed down my frantic forward stride…
I knuckled up and flailed fists in vein, high and wide.. tired, eventually my frustration would subside..
It then dawned on me, like the sun on a newborn for the first time, that this light was all inside..

I woke up in a sweat, panicking like something was really taking place..
jumped out of bed looking for the first thing that reflected my sleepy face..
I found the image of a shaken man who had just given up a lifelong chase..
But I could see from the light in his eyes that he had just found his new faith..

Amongst all the bad in life sometimes all it takes is just a little fleeting spark…
To see that everything good about you lies within your own beating heart…