Heading to nowhere, trudging, one foot falls a step in front of the last...
left battles right as one lunges for the future and one stays in the past..

Eyes scan the horizon, new possibilities with every step…
the mind grows wiser and ejects hostilities with every breath..

Gazing into the heavens selfishly to accept it’s warm love..
As sunlight falls helplessly from its ancient home above..

It traveled all the way to give me and this amazing planet life..
No turning back today, every ray makes the ultimate sacrifice..

Crashing through the darkness until it finds a reaction..
Fate and destiny have yet again have proven the laws of attraction…

Sometimes it just takes being in the right place at the right time..
For inspiration to follow the narrow path into an open mind..

This why I find myself drawn to every distant corner of the earth...
Subconsciously searching for my little section of sand, stone, or dirt..

Something keeps pulling me along to witness the unseen..
Embracing it with blind obedience leads me on to another dream..

So I'll follow this attraction no matter what's written on the scroll..
It's what the future holds, the unseen paints the missing half of my soul...

A fiery passion boils in an internal furnace…
A snake coils and prepares to serve it’s purpose…

One man can only hold the burden so long…
Finally out of breath from humming his rueful song..

As the chilling notes pass his weary lips…
He gasps in one last breath of the dreary mist…

He drops the heavy burden from his bruised and broken shoulders…
Wipes away the blood and sweat, it’s the end for the soft spoken soldier…

He lies down to let time nurse his sore and infected wounds…
He can cry now and say goodbye to what they expected was his tomb…

But no matter what, along that road he never faded…
Carried that burden no matter whether he was loved or hated…

Held his head up and never fell when he stumbled…
They pushed him to the no end but he never crumbled…

He kept drawing the will from some unseen source…
He battled every challenge sent by some obscene force…

He faced a true test of humanity and showed an iron heart…
This is my goal… it’s what sets the antelope and lion apart…

I know everyone who's lost someone has days when they wake up cursin..
I see it in their eyes, lookin at the sky, expecting the storm to worsen..
I wish I could reach out and comfort each one of them through passionate verses..
Cause I empathize for the man or woman who just lost that very special person..

Deep down inside I can feel their pain, cause I been through it…

I’ve see a ragged man traversing a wicked world, lost without a clue..
You can just see his grief stricken head swirl, not inkling of what to do…
looking for an exit from his situation, always thinking up an excuse..
He’s lost his occupation, and his investments weren’t recession proof…

Deep down inside I can feel his pain, cause I been through it…

A woman sits outside at night and gazes longingly at the brightest star in the sky…
At the same time, that very same star just happened to catch a lonely mans eye…
Two souls destined to share in passionate love without knowing how or why…
But a strange twist of fate decided to let them simply pass each other by..

I feel heartache for them deep down inside, cause I been through it…

For all the friends and family members that have died and moved on down the path..
For all the lovers that have lost each other’s touch, kiss, and shared their final laughs…
For all the people who have come to be an amazing person from a less than stellar past..
For all the people who struggle on and keep their heads up high when they finish last..

Know that when it comes down to it, I’ll stand by your side, cause I been through it…

Muffled cries echo throughout a hollow chamber..
Ringing with pangs of agony and swallowed anger…

Tears run away from the world on a mad dash in reverse…
Welling up inside the stomach that belches out a curse….

Fists clench and knuckles crack in pure fury and frustration…
Swinging wildly at the world and waiting for the referee’s separation…

But it never comes and the world’s punches just keep landing….
Life’s winning and sometimes I’m barely lucky I’m still standing…

But I keep my head up and stay in the fight no matter what…
Even if I get fed up, discouraged, beat, sliced, and battered up…

I’m gonna hold on and ride this train all the way to the end…
But I’m halfway there and hells comin up around the bend…

Rollin closer with the whistle screachin and wheels turning…
My future is crystal clear an it won’t be preachin a sermon…

But I am what I am... tough as chains an not changing my purpose…
I’m just another man who’s learned to hide the pain on the surface…

I’ll climb the highest mountain as proof that not a thing can hurt me…
And one day I’ll find my fountain of youth and drink til I’m never thirsty..

I always feel like I’m running from something..
When most of the time I’ve done nothing..

Just a feeling of unease like everything could shatter soon…
I drop to my knees as my soul explodes and splatters the room…

Cold and hollow like an empty shell in the snow..
That had just been fired in anguish with a yell to hell below…

I scramble on my knees to find the missing pieces..
While my fingernails bleed from scratching the concrete and cursing jesus…

Every now and then a ray of sunshine breaks through the clouds…
Illuminating a silver lining previously covered in blackened shrouds…

But it always seems like the window of light is dull and fleeting..
And when I finally chase it, it had already been quickly retreating…

Luck always seems to be seven steps ahead of me but I keep testing it..
I’m the type to find an unlucky slot button and keep pressing it…

One of these days though I’m gonna come out on top…
Hopefully the sun’ll shine before it rests upon my final plot…

But in the meantime what choice do I have but to keep trudging..
And make goals, like finding my girl and traveling across the seas to Dublin…

I want to see the world and all of its wonder…
I want to walk the streets of the earth among the rain and thunder…

I want to see the best and the worst this place has to offer…
I want to see the deepest secrets hidden in ancient coffers..

But between now and then I’ll just get by day to day…
Take a few deeps breaths and try to keep the stress at bay…

Some of the hardest things in life are impossible to see..
Feeling and emotions grow like the gnarled roots of an old tree..
Embedding in the soil on which they stand shedding their debris..
Leaves of happiness and joy mix with those of pain and agony..
As time goes by it becomes a layered pile of beauty and tragedy..
I admit it’s not a perfect system but this is how it had to be..

Cause if you never had a bad day then what would a good one really mean?
What else would give you the inspiration to break up a negative routine?
I finally saw this truth after avoiding it since the age of thirteen..
I stopped running once I came face to face with myself in a dream..
From now on I’m only sippin cocktails laced with self esteem..
I’ve released my addiction and sent it floatin down the stream..

A year

I let out a groan as I opened my eyes and awoke to a familiar agony..
Another night, how many drinks and why? Man, what a tragedy!
Stomach churnin, throat parched, ugghh.. this isn’t how it had to be!
I washed my face hard but the sight in the mirror was still sad to see..
Got out of the shower just to wipe the fog and see the same sad empty shell of me..
I realized that all along the power lied inside and time was finally trying to tell me..

I had a revelation that day and finally found the strength to walk the sober road..
It couldn’t be half assed in any shape or form, nah I gotta make it a whole new social code..
I knew I may not withstand the temptation if I was even slightly pressured to fold..
So I made a plan that night, for one year I’d put everything else in my life on hold..
I probably wouldn’t have the courage to do it again had the future been foretold..
But at the time I felt a burning urge to go through with it and knew I needed to be bold..
I was ready to face the challenge and wanted to experience life vividly with everything it offered..
But then the challenges started a few months later when I had to close my cousins Bailey’s coffin..
I found out sitting on a plane about to head back home from a vacation, which I don’t take often..
I went numb for three hours delayed before the plane left the station an I couldn’t let myself soften..
I wanted to drink so bad my stomach hurt to suppress the thought that I had actually lost him..
But it really hit me when I laid him to rest and looked around to see everything drinking had cost him..
With unspeakable pain it made my resolve stronger and showed me another lesson in “Life”..
but I had a slit in my armor and another lesson approached like the kiss of a sharpened knife
This one took shape when I found out I’d been laid off the same week that Bailey died..
I felt pressure from every direction but continued to soldier on, stone-faced with pride..
I hosted his wake and funeral services with a strong spirit and never let myself cry..
I had to keep it together for those who never lost someone and had to say goodbye..
A few times I almost gave up but I just couldn’t bear to let my dreams start to slide..
Then a situation that seemed too good to be true appeared to me in the blink of an eye..
But as it seemed, it was an optical illusion and the business was headed for decline..
On gut instinct alone I came to a conclusion and made the difficult decision to resign..
It ended up being the best decision I ever made and now it’s comin up on my time to shine..
I followed my vision and it’s amazing how much life can change in the span of one years time..
From these experiences this page of history shows the pain, sorrow, hope, and joy of a human mind..
But don’t be fooled by appearances… the true depth could never be captured and chained by rhyme…
How can you eloquently describe the essence of human souls mingling, unexplainably entwined…
I just try to trap it gently to keep my soul singin and keep whats obtainable in mind..
I’m chronicling my journey through the decades, and this is my last entry wrappin up ‘09..
I’d like to welcome 2010 to my crusade, my pen and paper has already started trappin every line!