He is the winner.
He tried hard to win.
He did everything right, but also, he did everything wrong.
I thought he was right, I thought he did everything right.
I wasn't looking.
We all wanted to believe he was doing the right thing.
After a part of me realized he wasn't the hero, that he did have flaws.
It was already too late because a part of me was already poisoned.
Poisoned by his thoughts that he drilled inside of my brain while trying to make it seem he was there.
While the world was living, I was trying to stay alive and I believed he was helping.
Did he save me at all?
Was he part of the reason I stayed on this world?
Or was I the one who told myself to hang on?
Slowly day by day I try to cleanse my mind of what he said, I try to realize I was the one who saved myself.
But in the end, he is the winner because I don't think I will every truly cleanse my mind.
I will never be the same person I was before he came along.
But every time I take another step into the other direction that he wouldn't have approved of, I am winning.
But I will never be the winner, I will always be trying to get him out of my head.
I will always try to tell myself he isn't right, because no matter what I do a little part of me will believe his hateful words

Your love was never mine.
Even though I thought it was.
Because my love was yours.
I was so deep and I didn’t realize you didn’t feel the same.
I was blind, even though every sign was there that your love wasn’t mine.
Why did I have to fall in love, why did you not love me?
At times, I ponder late at night when everything has gone to sleep, I ponder if somehow i really wasn’t blind.
Maybe you did love me?
Will I ever know for sure, or will I always wonder?

I want to be a butterfly
Butterflies are unique not one alike.
Butterflies use to mean nothing to me.
Until I started getting older
Butterflies fly and go where ever life takes them.
I want to be a beautiful yellow butterfly that flies and goes where ever life takes it.
A beautiful free butterfly with no care in the world is what I want to be.
So, gentle and loving, so sweet and beautiful.
I want to be a butterfly please.

You will never understand how much it hurts.
Your empty words don’t help.
Don't try to make it seem like you care.
When you are part of the reason I'm feeling this way.

It's hard to hear your name.
It's hard to talk about you, when I know nothing about who you really are.
I want to believe that you are different.
I want to believe that you can show others who you truly are.
Because I only saw the part that wanted nothing good for me.
Do you care?
Do you miss me?
Do you ever hear my name?
Does the memory of me ever keep you up at night?
Do you ever want to cry, because of what you did?
Why won’t you admit it?

As she walks down the road, she’s sees him. He is sitting on a park bench. The sun is beating down on his face he is an older man.  
She keeps walking by not realizing this man would someday have an important part in her life.
She keeps walking down the streets, she is going to school. She sees the people on the street but do they see her?
Did the older man see her? She sees him every day, wondering why he is there.

I need someone to hold my hand.
I need to feel the warmth of the skin.
I need you to understand I might be sad even when you do this.
Don't be alarmed if I suddenly break out into tears.
It's not you, I'm glad your here holding my hand.
Sometimes though even when I know someone is here for me.
I still feel the need to cry.
Because I feel things, and I see things, and life happens and it's hard at times.
So, don't run away when my eyes become filled with tears.
Because if you weren't here, holding my hand, it might be worse.

Is it alright if I sit alone?
Is it alright if I sit alone, here with my cd's?
Is it alright if I sing the lyrics under my breathe, so no one can hear
Is it alright if I sit alone all day?
Because I need some quiet today.
Is it alright if after I have grown tired of listening to my cd's if I watch some T.V.?
Is it alright if while I watch T.V. I eat junk food and have a cheat day.
Is it alright if I sit alone.
Because when I am alone, I come up with the greatest ideas.
Because when I am alone, I have words flowing through my head for my next poem.
Tomorrow though we will sit together and do all these things.
But today may I sit alone?

I'm sitting on our plastic bench.
My eyes are barely open, I'm looking up into the sky.
I see grey clouds..
Rain drops fall onto my face as I sit on this plastic bench.
The sky is crying, I wonder why it is sad.
Is the sky mourning a loss?
Is it going through a tough time?
Or does it just feel the need to cry and let the world know it isn't feeling alright today?
Does the sky need it's best-friend, the sun to cheer it up, or does it want to weep alone tonight?