Years later now you are still in my dreams,
so sweet they make me sick and I awake in a
cold sweat. alone. freezing but truly devoid of
all feeling. numb. but nauseous with my traitorous heart
riotously repeating. ba bump ba bump ba bump.
but they never said it would be so fleeting
the one in your life you loved in a world so
misleading following you back into your psyche
your silly boy dreams all these years later
beginning to end and back again the poetic meanings
and you just want to call her a ***** but you can not bring
yourself to stop breathing and start screaming
only darkness is comforting where do you go
to forget you need eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
but mine is only bleeding and my gut is ripping myself open so simply
that I feel like a child teething, bone going through gums cutting
and gnashing and your face your beautiful face and your smile
and laugh and those eyes and your body and your soul and your
****** up heart and mind wrapping around mine but no
years later I still realize everything we had was merely
a Lie.

Oh the path to balance is laid with humility,
But nary a step to success is made in this industry,
without the pebble stones of ego,
lining the walls of of your wallet,
like the vaginal fluids of a well aged harlot.
Thirsty, THIRSTY, then thirsty some more!
Well when only the money drives you, truly,
Dr. Seuss, the places you will go, but for me, no,
I wander lost on the warn down dirt road,
leaning left, tilting right, fighting to find
my own self-same light. For the nights are cold,
though the temperatures warm, and my mind,
races by considering which parallel line is surely,
mine.

I came back for my own memorial,
I sat back and smiled,
only you could see me,
I knew you would.
Your eyes could not perceive but
you believed
and with your heart I met yours and you cried
deeply.

The blades of grass swayed,
and mostly everyone talked and laughed,
but you were hardly breathing.
I remembered now when I was a baby,
Teething, looking at you there was indeed, a nostalgic feeling
Bone cutting through flesh, inside being rendered
outward but I'm nothing, not anymore,
Just an apparition, a memory of that person I used to be,
And after a while your heart stopped bleeding,
And you closed your eyes and decided,
My smile was disheartening
And I died.
Oh, so quickly.

Ever wonder why they name hurricanes after women?
Cuz the devil got tired of em.
My twisted philosophies, my self destructing
constructions see nothing but the
objectification of my cleverly repressed desires.
Such is life such is poetry.
But worry not little ones,
For soon enough I'll rage
and another storm will come.
another **** banished from min paradise,
to mask a void never quite filled
in my heads of six.

Oi I see those coula
woulda
shoulda beens but
its so long past that I forgot
why it mighta been
yet I can't quite forget how
good they lookin so i'm
stayin at home facebook lookin
and their ***** are growin an
I missed em.
I miss em.
I am without them.
And I fade away.
Sic em.

Oh I can't make money
On the blood I print.
I'm just another voice in the wind
Screaming "Here I am!"

And the gods are still silent.
Just like you, irreverent
to the needs of such an inhumble
man.

I awkwardly said,
I want to share my poems aloud,
At this place, underground.
I'd like it if you came.

No reply.

I anxiously mentioned,
Some of them will have you in them,
I'd like it if you came and heard,
What I had to say.

No reply.

A few days later, you talk to me, randomly.
I mention I want to see you.
I've had a bad day.

What's been bad, you say?

My job isn't working out and
my car situation is all ****** up,
and my family is ****** up too.

You don't have your car anymore?

No, family needed it more than I.
And I want to save some down before I get mine.
I say.
Emptily. Thinking. No big deal.
This is smart. This is what people do.

But you never replied.
Not once when I needed you the most.

Looking back I'm frustrated.
I cared an awful lot.
And because I did I shared myself instead of
Partaking in you. And I think at a point it became so...
needy. So frustrating. So unmanly in your eyes, that
combined with some ****** dysfunction,
we just died on the vine. Black, withered, and disgusting.
So even though we remembered being green it just,
could not go back that way. And the irony was if I had
just ever figured out how to be nonchalant,
and not care so ever ******* much,
then, chances are, you'd have been my lady.
Life is weird. People... relationships... I don't know.
It's a cruel joke sometimes. Ain't a poem for you anymore.
You never really wanted.... that. I don't know what you want but,
It isn't me. Not anymore.

My sister said, **** that *****.
I smiled wryly and thought,
Once, but nevermore.

I think in the dark times of the night.
Even when the sky is bright,
Perhaps in a few years, when we are older...
I think with fear of a primal sort.
I have a girl that I love,
who I adore, and who doesn't necessarily mistreat me,
who keeps me though I'm an *******, and will take me
rich or poor but...
If you ever became someone who would come
and listen to my poetry
and hear what I have to say to you,
and cared, a little bit, sincerely,
and ever found me in your heart, truly, again...
What would I do?
I don't know but disgustingly,
I may always love you.