******* ***** I'm dreaming,
of you and another man reaming,
well you are a succubus and a demon,
And I'll tell you right now, its my emotions that you are feeding,
on and on I go tears streaming,
waking up cold sweat beating,
the brows of my forehead and my teeth bleating,
Clashing, gnashing, outside is scary but within it is bleeding,
knife wounds to the gut, butterflies screaming,
I can't even sleep now, covered in my own *****,
Hating you, blaming you, dreading the upcoming meeting,
Can't escape it, can't fight it, it is your body I'm needing,
Your soul that still makes me feel like givin',
Up and dyin' here in this bed of my own decievin',
Girl, I'll tell you its our fault I'm leavin,
Dead and unheeded,
Depressed and beaten,
down by the secrets of me you were keeping,
But now it is over and still on my sub-conscious you are eating,
So every time I wake up, half-dead and decreasing,
I still find you, And I find myself singin',
But you deserve no more songs no more revelin,
Not from me, no, you'll find happiness everlastin',
And I know this I can see it, I am dreaming,
And his **** is bigger and its aching,
The torture, the ****, the forlorn breeding,
Modern society or mental instability,
I dont know babe, Im ******* crazy,
Lazy but forcefully preceding,
When I tell you I'm flawed and dominating,
You laugh at me, hardly even breathing,
and I cant help but still be believin'
My love, my idolization, it is sickening,
and as the subject, my former accomplice, partner in crime, your sins to are quickening,
You made one mistake and that was never falling,
Ever out of yourself and now your life you'll be living,
Yet that mistake was not yours, nor any others my darlin',
I was simply not the man, a scared abused child buyin',
More hopes and lies to fight the pain of hatin',
Yourself every day wakin',
Up thinkin', without her I'm wasting,
Too much fear, too much pressure, babe you cant even be feelin',
You just gotta sit there and get *******, no performance, no mind rushing,
a thousand miles and still good for nothing,
Failure again, forevermore, the one person you can live without now ignorin',
You, 'Sexually incompatible', and all the gravy,
Still I kept coming of the dream, of the real one, of you and me feeling,
A love greater than love, obsession and needing,
Just one more look, one more hug, one more day of existing,
But now, buttercup, its just me up alone at night, fighting
The memories of you, and, for what its worth,
I'm losing.

"Tug, tug, tug" said the weights on my heart,
oh snug snug snug, with a smile and a hug,
did the chains gleefully entreaty,
On some days you'll feel the pain and self-hate,
But most of the time you will be empty,
Smug smug smug,
Me or these bands I breed?

Oh I wonder, I wonder, I wonder,
I think about it now and then, my sweet,
How it feels to love many,
Love so openly,
Looking in the hollow shells and finding the sick treat,
Nothing is fonder, fonder, fonder, on me
Than rejecting my own destiny.

I can go less and less as the years get colder, colder, colder,
The hot sun shines a little less,
And the snow makes me more than a little numb,
A white void, a sign post saying, darkness approaching,
I smile a little happy, depression now encompassing,
Au revoir, and the c'est la vie,
For je t'aime, and everything else,
Lies, lies, lies, and you can stick it up your hiney.

The truth is I am already dead,
Waiting for the sky to fall,
And we never know when we will stop breathing,
But we beg for it bleeding,
The breaking point, the line,
The end of all suffering,
The do or die, die, die,
All that and more my future does not lie,
No instead, my wretched soul,
Is already long gone,
Leaving now only a loud heart,
And the incessant sounds going,
"Tug, tug, tug."

Born in America,
Yeah living in a dream,
not the one they sell you,
the one they look away from,
the future they took away **-hum,
and now you look forward,
and the darkness that was always chasing you is now waiting,
patiently,
oh it is always so patient, however bright you may be.
You feel dead, as the emotions inside you roar,
"Death, death" they speak
and even these feel fake, in a dream of course,
Nothing is ever real.
Wonderland is but a make believe.
The only question we are told,
is how far down the rabbit hole,
are you willing to go?
Go, go, go, the humor
is self sustaining,
the endless litany of people drifting,
in eternal sufferings,
oh the pattern yes, no escaping.
It is who we are, in our very nature,
and it is nurturing, feeding,
For no purpose but to eat its own tail.
Funny indeed...
To learn I was not made for you.

In the beginning...
That's how it always starts,
isn't it?

The dogs of war,
Barking inside,
burning in the oven of your own
poor, poor heart.

But they call not for gunfire,
or the shrapnel of a thousand bombs,
nay just the bleeding pain,
of your lovers'
soul torn 'part.

And of course, in the beginning,
as you clutch your head,
wishin' for a new start,
there is no comfort given,
nor grace delivered,
upon the atheists so marked,
and He watches with a devil's glee,
all compassionate, destructively.

We walk therefore,
to the beach, and walk furthermore,
into the ocean, where there is no breeze,
and we walk farther still blinded by what you cannot see,
until the water lies over you, drowning,
Babylon's little *****.
But you walk further still, because the water does not nurture,
and you walk further still because the water will not ****,
And you walk into the abyss,
'Til the dogs no longer roar...
When even they cannot reach you,
and you get what you searched for,
peace.

But peace is a lie.
A lie we call loneliness,
brought up in the passivity,
of man now long broken.
For not all journeys are good.
Not all stories have heroes.
Not all poems rhyme.
And sometimes...
Everybody dies,
In the beginning.

I hate dreams.
I hate them for what they make me see,
Worse still is that even as you know their not real,
You believe and it seems,
If only for a second, that what could be or should be,
Or what simply isn't,
Is.

I hate seeing her face,
So sad under those shades;
Take me home,
She seems to say,
But nobody really talks in dreams.
But nobody really talks.

I died in a dream once.
And I kept on sleeping.
What does it mean, what does it mean?
To me death is one long dreamless sleep,
But I fear the opposite, that it is one sleepless dream.

I see his face now and then.
The face in real life I barely remember.
Under the water.
Calling up.
Save me.
But dreams can't change your world.
Tragically they can only make you believe.

My moms there waiting for me.
Though her alone I am too scared to see.
Even my subconcious knows not to tease me,
Knows the scars and the pain,
And how it would bleed me and end me
And I curse them from keeping me,
I hate dreams.

I can feel the demons. The darkness inside of me.
Its very subtle. It is slow, and patient.
But then, after a lot of stress or damage, it explodes.
The black becomes red,
And the hunger that has been festering,
Unflinchingly screams out for more
For blood and gore.
And lust.
I feel as if on the edge of a very perilous cliff,
And at the very bottom the lord of evils himself awaits,
With. Very soft, very kind smile.
I want to trust those eyes.
I want to grab her ***,
I want to take her where she stands.
And when the try and stop me I want to ****,
I want to be unstoppable,
I want to rule and never be questioned,
I want to be right, and always right.
I want to be known as great and terrible and fearsome and I want to destroy.
I want to destroy, so that this emptyness I reside in,
Is not mine alone.

Along the shadows mirrored road,
I whispered to my ghost,
I said oh dear, oh my john oh my.
What are you doing here,
This failure you have paid for,
This debt You’ve made sure you will Collect.
How far does the rabbit hole go?
Deeper and deeper, I fear.
Laugh and laugh as the children frolic to and fro,
But to those days you will never go.
When I say you are forever alone,
Do not think im cliché, or a bore.
Instead noticed the holes you dig,
Shielding yourself,
In this dark fiery pit.

BUT I REPLIED,
OH GLORIOUS DEMON,
YOUR NAME I ANNOUNCE AND DEPLORE,
BEELZEBUB, FOREVER MORE.
GET AWAY FROM ME, KING OF THE KNATS,
TO YOUR SCOURGE I DANCE ALONG,
BUT NOW LAY YOUR FLUTES,
AS I REST ALONG THE BAY.
MY FUTURE, THE ONE I’VE CURSED,
LIKE MACBETH’S WIFE, VILE PROPHECYIES DISBERESED.
ALAS, NO MORE!
I AM NOW MY OWN.
I WILL NOW BEGIN TO FAIL!
FOR NOW I SHALL BEGIN TO TRY.

Oh little boy, little boy,
He said.
In a sad, sad, man’s shell.
What is this emotion you feel?
If nostalgia met unchangeable fate,
Still not would we find one, as engorged
As you.
Listen to me now, I am not demon, not even a man, I am you,
Or am I just the wind rolling through.
You are your own worst enemy.
You opened the door knowing,
The Knowledge that abounds,
Was the Devil’s lure around,
The once slim waist,
Of your cordoned off face.

NO! No… I cried.
But to my tears,
I heard not even pitiful sighs.
The voice left me.
And in its absence came my own.
But no matter how it echoes,
No, no matter, how it sounds.
It is dull and lifeless now.
It is my future known and found.