yes i love you
but there is a but to that
there can be no future
where there has been no past
all that is before us
is but a part of what has passed
the bulk of what we could have become
was but ballast

the truth of the search
no matter how long it took
is that everything you saught
was always in the last place you'd look

we dont look like them
we dont act like them
we dont dress like them
we dont think like them
we dont think we want to be like them
but we are all us now

with every new favourite everything I ever knew
now nothing more than a fast fading memory
I wonder if the wonder I felt in their company
was as real for them as it always will be for me

acting all surprised
like harvey weinstein opened eyes
hyper critical belies
this most hypocritical of people and places
casting couch denials
humblebragged ****** defilement
worked the feminista angle
best audition of the day

cant lose what was never mine
nor the lust left behind undiscovered
though our bodies may have lain intertwined
her heart was bound to another

exponential potential wasted
all shiny baubles and pretty faces
prototype for a vacant nation
flag held high before the setting sun

letting go is as easy as getting old
it happens right before your eyes before you know it
those sore spots on your soul become worn with time and times told
worn with pride once nostalgias tired old trick of the mind takes over

there is no right
there is but the weighted balance of time
all wrongs in their moment
had their merit

until you've eaten
crushed up vitamin pills on toast
get the **** out of my face

I found my soul at 300 baud
in a world the world would one day come to adore
before there were webs
we were the spiders
before there were laws
nothing could be denied to us
we were wardialling before cybercrime
we were a virus before virii became a fake news byline
but if busted I'll deny I ever tried to
break a trunk through MCI jamaica
sat on ******* station for days
raking in creds like a madmuhfuhn rap master
with nothing greater than a pair of headphones
and a cheap cassette tape deck to take me there
kids today dont respect what they play with
back in the day we had to be outlaws
to connect to todays day to day bandwidth

when all you can do is cry
you have to laugh
it's a weird ******* world sometimes
when things start to look choreographed
serendipity causes synchronicity
forces thoughts off track
even the arch atheist will thank the lord
when coincidence hands him his life back

is the proliferation of zombies
a reaction or a rejection
or simply our society through our societies eyes
rapt in our own reflection

****** would have won
had he had a hollywood
holocaust would have been fun
portrayed as playful folly for the common good
atrocity is only as bad
as the people paying to make it so
america was a popular fad
but its time for the world to let it go

I expect to be pushing up daisies by spring
I cant do another winter here
in this life of hell im living
it would be better to fall now
with the autumnal leaves
and be gone before the ice comes
spill my only warmth for an eternal reprieve

when i look to the sky
i see our mirrored cave
mocking our monkey ways
as destination and restriction
of our pitiful little lives
our mother pearl
lost in dark velvet eternity
travelling into unending uncertainty
calming our insecurity
with azure reflections
of our deepest desires

how much must I lose to find myself
I need the world to stop turning to try to tell
whether Im moving forward or standing still
if I am up to my eyeballs or up to my elbows

I'll believe in fate when it happens
til then I'm master of my destiny
that's all that matters
I'll stand or fall
but never kneel
before our masters
breathe my dying breath
at the throat of the *******
I never asked to be born in shackles
I never accepted their laws that made me chattel
if I am to die you can be sure it will happen
in a manner that can't be ignored
I'll take the bull by the horns
lead the battle

if you disagree
you're a fool
fall for their fallacy
it's in the rules
they'll talk tales of terror
then make it the news
tell you you're the best
we're the best
when you approve their next move
remember your forefathers
all they had to lose
in wars they never started
though they did you'll never prove it
if you're not part
you're the part that needs removing
guilty of the dark arts
thinking one and one makes two
how very dare you

is it crazier that i talk to myself
or that i listen
or that the message gets lost
between source and destination
i have my eyes wide
twenty twenty vision
a blind man
in a black cave
crawling toward the precipice
of all of his previous bad decisions

if i was your one
youd be mine too
we could be free
to do what we loved to do
what is life for
if ive lost you
back to basics
feels even worse than it used to

the clarity of sobriety
can be a sobering experience
makes you realise the reasons why
you were ****** in the first instance
the thought of spending the rest of your life
in a post substance subsistence
pretending to the core of your existence
that you dont really miss it
is a lie

the shadows that are darkest
on the brightest of days
become lighter as the night falls
fading away

you could cut her out of the photograph
she'd still be there
no matter how much you try to edit the past
the past doesn't care
you can only pretend that the love and the laughs didn't happen
as you rip and you tear
or that the tear spattered mass of torn fragments in your lap
somehow got back at her

Im not gonna chase
when Im not in the running
a shot at last place
is not what Im gunning for
if its join the rat race
with the other vermin or
fall flat on my face
I think Im better off down on the floor
where I was before

sometimes I crack
become all I despise
overtly human
I empathise
then I remember
what being human belies
violence ignorance and hypocrisy
deserve no compromise
so I have one last task
before I can take off my disguise
but Im not a monster
Ill give you time to say your goodbyes
then leave you all on your backs
looking up at the sky
while I **** yellow tears for humanity
into your wide dead eyes

no dissenting voice
no choice
no need to ask us
until the people rise above
the taskmasters
what we say is meaningless

i live in me head
coz i know all the neighbours
i havent seen the outside world for ages
sat on me **** writing pages and pages
of justifications that just sound outrageous
the real reason why is coz im ******* dangerous
cant wait to take task to our lords and ******* saviours
all the cheeky ******* trying to influence our behaviours
and the blind ignorant masses satisfied with their delusions of grandeur

its funny
how the picture changes
if you look from the other end
if we werent so fixated on places and races
we could all be friends

when im tired
i cant keep up the pretence
that im like you
i fluff my lines
miss my cues
lose all the nuance
that helps me play human
revert to form
become bemused
begin to despise
everything you do
seen through my eyes
you become see through
a self serving disguise
'cause if i could see you
id eat you alive

pattern matcher extraordinaire
looked up to the clouds
saw faces there
looked beyond the sky
into that infinite expanse
the infinite looked back at him
purely by chance

Im so tired
even breathing is a chore
Im not sure I want to keep doing it any more
I tried
but after a lifetime Im bored
of the days all being the same as the one before

its not the end of the world

just the end of you

man up

do what you have to do

helpless and hopeless
making the most of
the time he had left
wasting his life on
nothing worth having
living for it
whats the worst
that could happen
everything that mattered
is already dead
cant stop the planet
to get off
spot the pattern
blew off his head

when the fall comes

if youre on the wall

youll be up against it

youre either for all

or for gone

the conclusion inevitable

a picture may be worth a thousand words
but until you paint me a *******
two will have to do

we will take what is yours
to make it everyones
forever
for every door you close
a window opens to let us
we are not a cause
we are the reaction to your measures
you do it to yourselves
we'll take the blame and the credit

big man
brought low
noone to be
nowhere to go
no way of getting there
eating his crow
locked in locked down
knows a way out though

our enemies are not our enemies
their enmity ends
when our friends and benificiaries
begin to make amends
for the long list of atrocities
we have committed against them
in the demonic name of democracy
and the freedom it pretends to represent

i kept nothing fresh
that i could let rot on the vine
didnt need divinity
to make water from wine
drank my fill from the cup of life
then lay down to die
where i lay still
waiting for time

it is an eternal shame

to leave it so late in the day

to say what we say

in obituary

poor mother earth
bent but not broken
bearing her babies pain
like a monkey on her back

listen to both sides
accept the truth
no one is divisible by two

my synchronicity
is out of sync
missed opportunities
each time i blink
if i could keep my eyes wide
with matchsticks
nothing would happen
until the stick snaps
as if magic
the pattern
everything imaginable
at my fingertips
unnavigable
from the backs
of my eyelids

know where youre going
accept what youve done
look yourself in the eye again
remember when
then forget and move on

in time even the unchangeable changes
flat unending plains raised into peaked mountain ranges
swirling seas became the deserts reign
immutable is movable
things will never be the same

does it matter
will it matter
did it matter
ever

another loud american
best greatest orator
will replace him
as head of state
alma mater
trump university
nothing will change
except the tax breaks
and loose change rates
at either end of the sliding slippery scale

tell him something he doesnt know
and hell tell you something about it
doesnt matter if its true
because as you know too
its not what he knows
its how loud he can shout it

the asteroids only ever hit
when you have time
to look up and see them
otherwise you just exist
and then you dont
so in the dust of the aftermath
the mantra is
just keep breathing
no matter how counter intuitive
concentrate on it
it will clear your throat